


A Void to Fill

by ZombieJesus



Series: Subspace [2]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, Walking Dead, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A wild feel appears, Abuse, Anal, And then the light, Bottom Daryl, Cutting, Dark, Daryl Has Issues, Daryl has dark fantasies, Domination, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Its canon till its not, M/M, Masturbation, Ok more like Rick is a sociopath but he's trying, POV Daryl, POV Rick, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge is Sweet, Rick's got secrets, Sexual Tension, Top Rick, Yes there's a plot, epic journey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:51:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1647635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieJesus/pseuds/ZombieJesus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the prison, Daryl has dark secret fantasies about Rick, feels guilty about them, but can't help himself. Rick starts out clueless, but when Daryl tells him of an abandoned military camp and suggests they go raid it together, he might get more than he bargained for.</p><p>UPDATED: Rick and Daryl make a discovery at the camp that could save them all, and set out on an epic journey to the National Institute of Health while exploring their sexual limits. Along the way they each battle their own personal demons while facing the worst of this brave new world together. Rick feels he can never love anyone again, but at this point, Daryl wants whatever Rick will give him.</p><p>UPDATE 2: This work is now finished!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Mark

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic ever.  
> Your comments keep me going. Please let me know how I'm doing!
> 
> This story begins in Season 3, after the group has found the prison but before their dealings with Woodbury. Its an alternate re-telling of some the of past and current canon from the POV's of Rick and Daryl, with a new storyline where Daryl encounters an abandoned military camp and then what happens there.
> 
> For those of you who want to be updated when I write the next installment in the series, subscribe to the parent work 'Subspace.'

Daryl stood at the edge of the woods by the prison, looking at the huge grey building on a rare day with few walkers about. There was a chill in the air, the icy breeze raising goosebumps on his skin and blowing his hair away from his face. The remnants of autumn were finally breaking into true winter, and an unspoken desperation had crept into the back of the minds of the group. With snow and ice on the ground, the food runs would get more difficult, and they were already low. These last few runs while the weather was still cooperative really had to count. He had always tried to use his hunting and tracking skills to help feed the group, and as he was about to head out into god knows where to face this fucked up world, he stared at the prison to remember why.

Rick.

Daryl wasn’t going to let him down.  
\---------

Rick had the first lookout watch of the day, and stretched lazily in the old office chair they had dragged up here to the tower. The rays of dawn were creeping over the horizon, bathing the prison yard in bloody light but not much warmth. He hadn’t slept well again last night; hell, he couldn’t remember when he’d slept well since the world turned. But the cumulative lost hours put an edge on Rick, and he wondered if anything peaceful was now completely lost to him.

He half-heartedly scanned the edge of the forest for walkers or worse, when a solitary figure caught his eye. They were just standing motionless, looking this way. Rick grabbed the binoculars to get a closer look. It was Daryl, standing there just looking at the prison, with his knapsack slung over his shoulder and his crossbow hanging in one hand by his side. An odd expression was on the hunter’s face. Something like determination, and sadness. Then, he was gone, slipping into the treeline and disappearing from view.

\----

The group ate well that night. Daryl had come back just before dusk with his knapsack stuffed with six ducks and a few trout. The whole prison smelled delicious as Carol cooked up the feast, and they barely spoke due to greedily stuffing their faces with the fresh meat at the cafeteria table.

“Ya did good, Daryl. Thanks for this.” Rick gestured to the spread of food on the table. Everyone happily nodded with gratitude and offered their own ‘thank yous’ as Daryl blushed.

“Weren’t nothing.” Daryl mumbled into his duck. After a few moments of silence he softly said to Rick, seated next to him, “We need to go back there. I found something.”

The way Daryl had lowered his voice and spoken only to him told Rick that he didn’t want to tell the others about it. Rick caught his eye and gave him a nod that said, _Tell me about it later._

\----

After dinner, everyone was full and happy for the first time in a long time. Beth sang as the rest of the group drifted away to chores or sleep. Rick headed to his cell upstairs, catching Daryl’s eye and making sure the man knew he was welcome to follow. Rick was curious to hear more about what Daryl found. With the winter slumping towards them, he hoped it was food.

Rick fell down on his bunk and grabbed a candle and some matches. The lone flame did a decent job of casting some illumination in the small space. He pulled his shirt over his head, it was filthy from working in the garden all day, and threw it into the corner of the room with his growing pile of laundry. A few moments later he heard a soft tap at his cell bars. He met Daryl’s eyes and motioned him in.

Daryl was used to the lack of privacy in the prison, but still could never get used to seeing Rick in any state of undress. He wanted to pull his eyes from the defined muscles of Rick’s neck and torso, from his hard nipples, from the long red scratch that ran along Rick’s collarbone and the otherwise unmarred, smooth, smooth skin. Daryl suddenly forgot why he’d come up here.

“So….? What’s this mystery find?” Rick had a glint of curiousity in his eyes.

Daryl’s eyes snapped up to Rick’s face.

“I headed out a little farther than usual today, ‘bout five miles north of that big lake west a’ here.”

Rick nodded. He knew the lake. Guess that’s where the ducks and trout had come from. He waited for Daryl to go on.

“There’s a big camp up there. A military camp. Must be ‘bout fifty tents and a few thrown up buildings.”

“Was anyone there?”

“Naw, didn’t see no one….living that is. There was a few walkers but not many. I had a bit of a look around.”

Rick was certainly interested in this, and was leaning forward unconsciously. Daryl reached behind and pulled something out of the waistband of his pants and held it out to Rick. A gun, so shiny that it seemed to catch all the candlelight in the room.

Rick took it, turning it over in his hand smiling. “Desert Eagle. Powerful gun.” Daryl nodded.

“There’s all kinda guns, ammo, food, meds….and I didn’t even see half of the camp.”

Rick looked up and saw a triumphant look on Daryl’s face. This could mean the difference between starvation and survival for their group this winter.

Daryl went on. “I thought we could take a SUV out there tomorrow. Raid it.”

Rick smiled. “Hell ya.”

Daryl nodded again and made to leave the cell. Rick’s soft drawl at his back stopped him.

“Why didn’t you want anyone else to know?”

Daryl didn’t turn around, but just shrugged. “You’re the leader. Wanted to tell ya first ‘fore they all got their hopes up.”

Rick stood up and walked towards Daryl, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. “Thanks.” He could feel Daryl tense under his friendly gesture and dropped his hand immediately, confused.

Daryl’s heatbeat sped up, banging against his chest and making him feel a bit dizzy.

As he walked down the catwalk briskly to his own cell, he heard Rick call after him “Dawn.” Daryl nodded, not knowing if Rick was watching or saw, just knowing he couldn’t turn around in case Rick saw the obvious hardness in his jeans.

\--------

Daryl ducked into his own cell, shut the door, and pulled closed the sheet he’d hung a while back for some semblance of privacy. He paced a bit in his cell thinking of Rick’s touch on his shoulder. It was just Rick being friendly, grateful. But Daryl’s body had felt electricity jolt through him and wring his guts into a tight coil. Too many fantasies of Rick had sharpened his senses to dramatically over-respond to anything from him.

_What a sick fuck I am. Rick is my best friend. My only friend…..the only one that’s ever given two shits about me. And here I am with a raging hard-on just from a hand on my shoulder..._

Still pacing, Daryl runs his hands through his hair, and wonders if his plan of the two of them going to loot the camp was such a good idea after all. Could he keep it together? What if Rick touched him again, however innocently? His own body was betraying him now.

Daryl dropped on his bunk and fell back on his sorry pillow. The tightness inside him was too much. He stripped off his shirt and pants, his cock throbbing against his stomach, and threw them angrily across the room. He covered his eyes with one arm and traced his chest with his other hand. He felt each raised scar one by one, each was a story permanently told on his skin. His fingertips traced his lips, his neck, brushing over his nipples and trailing down his stomach until they brushed the head of his cock. The tightness clenched a little more and he started to slowly stroke.

_In his mind, he was naked and hard in front of Rick, who looked at him with disgust. Rick’s face became darker as he scanned each mark on Daryl’s body, until Rick spat in his face.  Rick grabbed his throat and pushed him back against a wall, and with a smooth movement flipped his body around, pressing him to concrete. Rick knocked Daryl’s legs apart and grabbed his wrists, holding them above Daryl against the wall in one tight fist. Rick bit down hard on his shoulder, hard enough to bruise- a new mark, a new story. Then Rick was inside him, pounding him roughly, just using him to get off. He imagined Rick’s hard cock sliding in and out of him, and clenching on him to increase the friction and pressure on Rick. Rick’s breath growing ragged, the pleasure consuming Rick as Daryl faded away and became who he really was: an empty void only made real by someone else’s lust._

Daryl was stroking furiously, and thrusting into his hand, so close. He grabbed his pillow and pressed it to his mouth to stifle his jagged moan as he came all over himself, as Rick came inside him in his fantasy. He continued squeezing every last wave of ecstacy out of him until his orgasm was nearly painful, but yes, that pain, he wanted it. The line past the pleasure was what Daryl really wanted after all, to go further than the limits of what his body craved and into what he psychologically needed to feel alive. 

He brought his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean, and shut his eyes waiting for a hopefully dreamless sleep. The tightness in his chest had relaxed some, and as he drifted off, he lied to himself that he was totally in control and Rick would never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Rick and Daryl head out for the military camp! Can Daryl keep his shit together?
> 
> This is my very first fic, so be kind. I hope to write 5 or so more chapters* of about the same length in this story. Feedback, suggestions, rants, whatever welcome. Hope you enjoy ;)
> 
> *Going on 9 chapters with no end in sight. I'm gonna just let this story run its course and come what may. (Edit: 21 chapters!)


	2. The Meek Shall Inherit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl find the military camp and start their explorations. Things are going well but Daryl isn't doing a great job of keeping his cool, and storms off after pretty much trying to hump Rick's leg. Rick is slightly less clueless but much more confused. Daryl is less confused and deals with his humiliation the only way he knows how.

Consciousness came to Rick a bit before dawn, out of force of habit. Living in a world without electricity or clocks, you rose with the sun and slept when it was dark. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, then stood up and splashed some fresh water on his face. He'd slept better than usual at least. He suddenly remembered he was going on a raid with Daryl this morning to the military camp he'd found. There might be a lot of food and supplies, enough to keep the whole group alive till winter passed. Rick got dressed quickly. He stuffed a warm jacket, some bullets, and some survival gear into a gym bag he'd found a while back, and placed his gun in his holster. He saw the shiny Desert Eagle and grabbed that as well, it wasn't loaded but maybe he'd fix that today.

The rest of the prison was still asleep, except for Hershel, who was downstairs eating something at the table. He set down the bag and sat beside the older man. Hershel pushed a bowl of oatmeal Rick's way. "Here. Eat something. Daryl was looking for you. Ya'll headed somewhere?"

Rick tucked in, glad for something hot in his belly.

"Daryl found a camp yesterday that might have a lot of supplies. We're takin' a car up there to check it out and hopefully bring back some stuff."

Hershel nodded hopefully. "That's good news. Lord knows we could use some. Grab any medicine you see, ok? And be careful."

Rick shoveled the last bite in and nodded. "Will do. On both accounts."

He picked up the bag again and sauntered outside, squinting for Daryl in the early morning light. He headed across the prison yard to the Tahoe they used for supply runs; with the backseats down, the SUV could hold a lot. Daryl was already there, throwing his knapsack and crossbow into the back. He nodded as he saw Rick approach, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

"'Bout time. Thought I'd have to go interrupt yer beauty sleep or just go myself." Daryl smirked.

"What, and let you get all the glory?" Rick threw his own bag into the Tahoe. "If I don't start bringin' back some food they might all elect you leader instead."

Daryl blushed, knowing he was being teased. "Couldn't have that now," he said a bit sullenly.

"Nope." Rick slammed the Tahoe's back door and looked right at Daryl, who still wouldn't meet his eyes. Weird. But, his friend did have his moods.

"I'm driving." Daryl got in the driver's seat and turned the ignition. "You comin'?"

Rick walked around to the passenger side and got in. Daryl finally gave him a sidelong glance and they headed out down the road in the Tahoe, Hershel opening the gate and closing it behind them.

Rick felt more hopeful than he had in a long time. Looking out the open window, the changed world seemed more full of promise than it ever had. Today, they were alive. Tomorrow, they could be too. He resisted the urge to turn on the nonexistent radio, and instead closed his eyes and smiled into the brisk wind.  
\--------

Daryl had woken up with a hard-on and had willed it away in the prison that morning, but was finding it tougher in the car, inches from Rick. He could smell him, a pleasant musky smell, soap, fresh garden dirt, gunpowder. Rick's open window blew it all in his face. He started to feel that familiar tightening in his stomach but shook his head to try to bring himself back to the moment. They had things to do today.

He glanced over at Rick, who seemed relaxed, staring off out the window. He had one arm resting on the window and the other mindlessly toying with the Desert Eagle Daryl had given him last night. A pretty gun. A deadly one too.

Rick leaned his head back, his eyes shut. A small smile on his face.

God, he looks so beautiful. Rick's inky lashes. The pout of his lips. His dark hair being mussed by the wind. The strong jaw. The curve of his neck meeting a jutting collarbone. Daryl saw the beginning of that scratch at Rick's neck, the one he'd noticed last night, and immediately felt burning hot. Last night.

He forced his eyes back on the road, clenching the steering wheel hard until his knuckles were white.

Even staring at the road, he wasn't really looking, so when Rick shouted, "Look out Daryl!" he was so jarred he just slammed on the brakes. Rick was sitting straight up, hands against the dash, looking at him. A couple walkers were meandering across the road, surely they would have hit them straight on if Rick hadn't yelled. Daryl took a deep breath.

"Daryl.....you ok...?" He looked pissed.

Daryl was flustered but just grumbled, "M'fine. Head was just somewhere else."

"Well come back down to earth, yeah?"

Daryl just started driving again, a bit slower this time to avoid the walkers. It wasn't fair. Rick didn't know what he did to him. And he didn't know how to stop it.

\-----

Rick felt uneasy, but the moment passed and soon they were making good headway on an open, empty road. Somethings up with Daryl. Its not like him to be so distracted and unaware. If there's one thing the hunter always was, it was aware and in control of his surroundings. Maybe he was worried about something.

He looked over at Daryl, trying to gauge him. His jaw was set, his hands were fiercely gripping the wheel, he was breathing too heavily for just driving. Daryl fidgeted uncomfortably, and suddenly Rick saw why. Yeah, his head was elsewhere alright. Daryl's cock was straining in his pants. Rick chuckled silently to himself- well, we've all been there I guess. Wonder who he was thinking about? Carol? 

Pretending not to notice, Rick just leaned his head back on the seat and shut his eyes like before. "So tell me a bit more about the camp." Let's get Daryl's mind back in the here and now.

Daryl seemed a bit relieved for a moment. "Yesterday when I was at the lake, I saw something like smoke up in the sky a ways off. I followed it and came up to a high barbwire fence. Decent barricading, not some thrown up job. I snuck around it a bit till there was a place that a tree had fallen over on top, and climbed over there."

"What was the smoke? Fire? I thought nobody was there?"

"Dunno, didn't see no fire, but didn't see no people either. Took down a few walkers roaming the tents, thats all. But whoever was there cleared out in a damn hurry, and it didn't happen too long ago neither."

"What made you think military?"

"The tank and helicopter kinda gave it away."

"What??!" Daryl had left that out last night.

"Yeah. 'Copter looked busted but didn't look too close at the tank."

A tank. What the fuck. This might be an incredible day. He looked again at Daryl, who had visibly relaxed. The excitement must have been plain on Rick's face, cause when Daryl finally looked back at him, he was smiling too.

\-------

It took a bit over 2 hours to get to the camp, mostly because the road got a bit hairy with walkers and downed trees as they got closer, and they'd had to double back a couple times as Daryl tried to find the place again. He'd gone on foot before, so finding a decent road was a bit of a challenge. But finally a long stretch of dirt road hit paydirt- a high barbed wire fortification just like Daryl had described.

Rick glanced around. "Let's leave the car here till we know what we're getting into." 

Daryl nodded, and turned the ignition off. He liked the slightly bossy tone in Rick's voice. It didn't matter that Daryl had found this place, Rick was in charge. Always. 

They quietly open their doors and stepped out of the car. The smell of smoke and….something else hung in the air. Beyond the barbwire fence Rick glimpsed quite a few green tarp tents, something like a lookout tower, and one building that resembled a large brick house. Rick walked around to the back of the truck, opened the back and grabbed their stuff. He handed Daryl his pack and crossbow, threw the Desert Eagle into his own backpack and put it on. Daryl quietly closed the truck and went to lock the doors. Rick unsheathed his long hunting knife and held it up to his lips like "shhhhhh" to Daryl. 

Rick walked up to the fence and glanced down its length to his left and right. He didn't see the breach in the fence. Daryl was studying an old compass, then motioned to Rick with his head to the right. Daryl had his crossbow half raised as they followed the fence a few hundred feet until they got to a point where a large tree had toppled over onto the fence, bowing it down but not destroying it either. 

Rick stepped up onto the tree and carefully shuffled up the trunk until he was on the other side of the fence, then dropped the 5 or so feet to the ground. Daryl did the same. They saw a few walkers in the distance inside the camp, but it was eerily quiet. At one point, there had been perhaps over a hundred people here, maybe many more. Some of the tents were flat on the ground or wrecked, but more than half still stood. 

Daryl looked over to Rick. "What now?"

"Seems to me, we could get a good look at the entire place from that lookout tower." Rick motioned with his knife to the wooden tower a few hundred yards ahead. It looked to be in the dead center of the camp. "Did you check that out before?"

Daryl shook his head no. 

"Ok. Let's head over there slowly, quietly."

It wasn't far. The camp was dense but not too spacious. The didn't see a soul as they darted through the tents, Rick taking down one walker with a knife to the head, Daryl taking down another with his crossbow. The tower was just a bunch of stairs with a glassed-in, roofed platform at the top. Rick went first, climbing each flight and looking up the next before proceeding. As they both got to the top, Daryl gave a low whistle. They were far above the treeline and could see a lot more than just the camp. But at the north of the camp, behind the large brick house was a smoldering pile of….something. Rick pointed to it. "See that?"

"Looks like we found where the smoke was coming from. What is that……logs?"

Rick took his binoculars out of his pack and looked again. "Bodies."

Daryl glanced around the tower. Someone had been staking out up here. Newspaper covered some of the windows. A green sleeping bag and a few blankets lie in one corner of the room, along with wrappers, empty boxes. An empty canteen, a battery-powered lantern, both of which Daryl swiped. Propped up in another corner was a sniper rifle and a big stack of ammo boxes. "Rick…." Daryl motioned to the rifle. Rick walked over to it, hefting it up. "Nice find. We can certainly use this." Daryl shoved all the ammo boxes into his pack and looked around again. He spied a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels and stuffed it into his pack when Rick wasn't looking. Nothing much else up here. A thin layer of dust covered everything. Nobody'd been up here for a few days at least.

Rick continued to scan the camp for life or un-life. "Looks to be about 6-7 walkers down there. Nobody else that I can see. About 40 or so tents still standing. The door of the brick house is barred with I think planks nailed to it." He walked to the other side of the tower, tore the newspapers off the window and looked south. A big grin spread across his face.

Daryl perked up. "What?"

"The tank. It's right there by the gate to this place. And if we can drive the Tahoe around the perimeter, we can get it in here for loading up. Then we could drive 'em both right back to the prison!"

"I don't know how to drive no damn tank man." Daryl grinned at Rick's obvious excitement. He could see the wheels in his friend's head turning. His hope was intoxicating. 

"C'mon Daryl, ain't you up for a little challenge?" Rick nudged him with his elbow softly, touching Daryl's ribs. Daryl's breath hitched a little at the touch. His heartbeat became loud in his ears again, and he stepped back away from Rick quickly. But Rick wasn't paying any attention, he was back to gazing at the tank, working out how'd they get their new toy home.

By the time Rick could bear to take his eyes off the tank, and lowered the binoculars, he was alone in the newspapered tower.

\-----

The two of them worked together to clear the camp of walkers-- a seamless team, ocean waves one behind the other in a single purpose. Rick never failed to be amazed by how fluidly they worked together, Daryl felt like an extension of his hand sometimes. They poked their heads in one tent after another; this one piled high with rations, another with clothes in camo, yet another with guns and ammo of every type. It was everything Daryl had said and more. They were gonna have a helluva a haul to take back.

Daryl then brought the Tahoe around to the main gate by the tank while Rick worked on getting the damn thing open. By the time Rick saw Daryl's smug grin on the other side, he'd finally unwrapped the last of the barbed wire holding the gate shut, and swung it wide. Daryl eased the Tahoe in beside the tank, backing up so the trunk was facing the camp. He hopped out and helped Rick shut the gate and bind it tight again with the wire.

The luck of this place….it was really overwhelming. They both looked at the Tahoe and tank, safe inside, and then at each other. They were safe, too. After so long of just expecting and waiting for the worst...

It started with a smile across Rick's face, but finally he started just full out laughing. "I just can't believe it……" Rick ran his hands through his hair, and just sat down on the ground, chuckling to himself. Daryl looked down at him, puzzled. He offered his hand out to the other man to help him back up. Rick took it, but instead of pulling himself up, he playfully yanked Daryl down to the ground with him. Daryl was completely caught off guard, and as he stumbled, he practically fell on top of Rick. Still laughing, Rick wrestled Daryl to his back, pinning his shoulders to the ground. 

It was as if someone had pushed Daryl into the deep end of a swimming pool. Suddenly, everything moved incredibly slowly, sound was muffled except for his pounding heartbeat, and he was struggling for both direction and air. He felt horror, disbelief, joy, and unbelievable desire as he was so quickly rendered helpless by Rick. He could only imagine what his face looked like in that moment, for the smile on Rick's face fell in an instant when he caught the look. 

______

Rick was just playing around, using some old cop moves. The moment had felt lighter than it had in months, and he'd just gone with it. But now, he couldn't help but feel that he'd made a terrible mistake. Daryl was beneath him, pinned at the shoulders and so, so still. He made no move to get up, to push Rick off him. He was just frozen, pupils blown wide, mouth slightly open. Had he scared him? The look on Daryl's face was no one discernible emotion. 

Rick made to get up off Daryl, but Daryl suddenly grabbed both Rick's wrists and held them still, held them against his shoulders. His eyes didn't leave Ricks. "Please" was all Daryl said, whispered so softly that Rick barely heard him. 

Rick didn't understand. 'Please' what?

Daryl made things crystal clear as he pressed his erection against Rick's leg, his pupils widening even more with the wave of pleasure that he stole from Rick. What the fuck was happening?

Rick wrenched free of Daryl's grasp and scrambled backwards and stood up. Daryl was looking incredibly humiliated and rejected, still lying on his back but his hands covering his face. He rolled over, punched the ground hard, leapt up and walked away. Rick was left staring at Daryl's back, wondering how in the hell their raid had gone from fine to FUBAR in a single instant.

______

Daryl ducked into a tent when he felt far enough from Rick, and blurted out, "FUCK!" He'd thought he could keep things under control. He thought for sure that his messed up fantasies of Rick would never bleed into his real life relationship with the man. And all it had taken was a single thoughtless moment to wreck their awesome day, and probably their entire friendship. Daryl inwardly groaned as he relived the shock on Rick's face when he'd….oh my god….why had he done that? 

Daryl slumped to the ground. Numbly, he reached inside his pack.

With a single deft motion of his wrist, he opened his switchblade and popped the blade into place. Daryl looked at the shiny mirror edge, how it caught the bits of sunlight leaking into the tent. He took a deep breath and slowly dragged the blade across his left pectoral. The cut was shallow but the pain was familiar and soothing, a sharp thrill followed by a dull throb with his heartbeat. As drops of blood welled from the cut and ran down his chest, his shame and devastation also slowly bled away, until he was as empty as the walkers who'd inherited the Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things seemed to be going well huh? Well, there are a few more surprises in store for our brave dudes. Rick might be protesting a bit too much, and Daryl seems to be enjoying his humiliation more than he lets on. o_O
> 
> Next chapter, can the guys make up enough to finish what they came for? And as the day drags on it might just be a good idea to spend the night in the camp. There's also that sneaky bottle of Jack that daryl sneaked away. Just sayin' XD
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments so far! They really spur me on to keep writing.


	3. This is Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl and Rick come to separate realizations - Rick recognizing he holds power over Daryl and wants more, Daryl seeing Rick toy with him rather than hate him. They check out the brick house in the camp, make a discovery, decide to stay there for the night. Rick issues a challenge.

Daryl sat in a green tarp tent, eyes unfocused and shirt unbuttoned, with a switchblade half-hanging from his palm. A few fingers of blood oozing down his chest and slowly drying there. But Daryl was also far, far away in another part of the Georgia backwoods in another time altogether.

 _It had only been a glass, but Daryl had carelessly broken it while taking beers to his father and his friends out behind their shack. And now the world was red._ _Hurry, pick it up! Hurry, before he sees you! Yes….yes, just a few more pieces, you've almost got them all…….DARYL! The familiar roar behind him, slurred, terrifying. Freeze. Don't move. Don't be here. Fade……fade away. You know how to do it. So many times, its second nature now. Breathe out your soul with an exhale. Yes. Now it won't hurt if you are beaten with fists or belts. Your hands won't tremble when you are pushed down and held there. You will not blink when they spit on you. You will not cry when your young eyes meet cold ones. And later, when you are alone, breathe again to inhale your soul. Open your hand, clenched tight around the shard all this time. Beautiful in its fracture. Mark yourself with it. Become real again. This, you can feel. This, you can remember. **This** is power._

A gust of cold wind snapped Daryl back to the moment with a violent shiver. He looked down. What a mess. But the bleeding had mostly stopped and he felt cleansed somehow, how he always felt after doing this. No one would understand how much better he felt afterwards. Daryl didn't really know why either, except that he always did. He slowly closed the knife again and tossed it into his pack, standing up. He could face Rick now and just go on with things like this never happened. He hoped he could anyhow. Hoped Rick wouldn't be crazy enough to question him or push him. He'd have to stay away from Rick, as far away as he could. Obviously he couldn't trust his own body and now Rick was disgusted by him. But...that just turned him on even more.

 _Fuck_. 

\----

Rick had stood rooted to the place Daryl left him for a while before he realized that he was breathing heavily and was so hard he ached. It was an odd feeling. Rick almost felt high-- dizzy but alert, half-drunk on arousal and…..something else he couldn't put his finger on.

Power. Yes, that was it. That moment when he had held all the cards, when Daryl's world had narrowed and sharpened to a single, raggedly whispered point. A word. Daryl had begged.

If Rick was honest with himself, that had been the reason he'd become a cop in the first place. Why he was drawn to lead, no matter who he was with. But he'd always considered Daryl in another light, not quite an equal but at least equally as self-determined as he was. Daryl had been his back up and his rock more times than he could count. He'd saved Rick's life. He'd saved all their lives. Hell, he was doing it now.

But now, he knew something about Daryl. Something true, that had been beneath that prickly exterior all this time. Something hidden, that Daryl had not wanted wretched out of him in that sudden moment. That knowledge gave him more power than anything ever had. And Rick was drunk on it. He wanted more.

Rick took a deep breath and picked up his bag, and Daryl's crossbow. The other man wouldn't be going far without this.

\----

Daryl buttoned his shirt and stepped out of the tent he'd been, well, hiding in. He stopped short as he immediately saw his crossbow being dangled in front of him. By Rick. Shit, Rick had known he was in there?

"Forget something?" Rick's eyes and tone were dark. The playful joking attitude from just an hour ago were completely gone, replaced with god knows what. Maybe hate.

Daryl snatched his bow and hoisted it on his shoulder. He couldn't meet Rick's eyes and instead just stood there feeling like a fool, staring at a tuft of grass. When he looked up to glare at Rick, Rick wasn't looking at his face, but his chest. More specifically, the wet, bloody line that had seeped through his shirt from the cut he'd made. The color drained from Daryl's face as Rick reached out and slowly pressed the gory line with his finger. His guts coiled tight from the sharp unexpected pain, and from Rick touching him  _there._ Like he _knew_. Rick's eyes said he knew and Daryl could only silently stand there.

But Rick just turned on his heel and walked back towards the Tahoe. "C'mon, let's do what we came here to do," he called back, motioning to Daryl to follow him. Daryl felt a wave of relief and gratitude that he wasn't going to have to explain himself or run away again, that they could fall back into their familiar routine of working on something together. But the cut was now open again, and Daryl couldn't forget it now, and couldn't shake the memory of that searing touch. 

What was Rick doing?

\----

By the time they'd loaded up the Tahoe with as much food, meds, blankets, guns and gear as it was gonna hold, the sun was low in the sky and sinking beneath the horizon. They hadn't spoke at all while they had a purpose, but now the silence hung heavy between them. Rick shut the car's trunk and gazed out at the sky without expression.

"Gonna be dark soon."

Daryl shifted on his feet but didn't say anything. Any words were quickly caught in his tightened guts and drowned there. His shirt was sticking to his chest where the blood was caked, Daryl's scarlet letter. 

Rick went on. "I don't wanna try to drive that tank outta here in the dark. Assuming I can figure out how to get it to move. We'll camp here tonight and head out in the morning."

Daryl stiffened. Alone, sleeping next to Rick? Suddenly he was very glad for the whiskey sitting in his pack- sweet oblivion in a bottle. 

Rick's eyes thoughtfully settled on the brick house at the camp's other end. "Wonder why they bothered to board that place up. Didn't bother with much else before clearin' out." Daryl had something to say to this, if he could get it out. Brokenly he said, "The door. Someone had barred it from the inside when I checked it before."

Daryl could sense the wheels turning in Rick's head. He could never leave alone a mystery- the elusive 'why.' Rick turned to Daryl, an odd expression on his face, half a smirk from old times.

"Let's go find out what's hiding in there." He walked past Daryl towards the house, but as he passed, he let his fingertips brush underneath Daryl's shirt above his pants. It could have been accidental, but Rick slightly dug his nails in as he felt Daryl shudder, and he knew it wasn't.

\--------

All the windows on the ground level of the house had been nailed over with boards, from the outside. But Daryl had been right about the door being secured from inside. In fact, the door was just gone completely and several large pieces of furniture had been piled in it to barricade the entrance. There wasn't even room enough to peak inside, but far as Rick could tell, he saw no light and heard no sound.

Rick motioned to Daryl to head around the right side of the house while he walked around the left. There was a low porch at the back, more nailed windows, and a back door, locked when Rick tried it.

Daryl didn't think the door looked that strong. "Wanna kick it down?"

"If we do, it ain't gonna be quiet." Rick preferred not to wake the living or dead in there.

"What....ain't you up for a little challenge sheriff?"

Rick snorted. "Fine." He pushed Daryl aside and with a smooth kick, the door jam broke loudly at the lock and the door swung inward with a creak. Nope, not quiet.

They came in through the kitchen, and Rick made a mental note to come back here and look for food. They moved into the dining room just beyond an arch, the long table spread with red-inked maps and government papers. A military radio. Empty glasses. A few stray bullets. Daryl picked up the bullets and pocketed them. Somebody, maybe the camp command, had used this house as a headquarters. 

When Rick was satisfied the downstairs was clear, they both headed up the stairs, gun and bow raised. Three doors on the landing. Rick motioned to the one on the left, Daryl opened it slowly. Just an empty bathroom. He opened the middle door, leading into a pretty posh looking bedroom. Dark wood furniture and a huge four-poster bed, made up like someone had planned to sleep in it that night. Some fatigues, boots, a jacket, a few boxes of papers were on the floor. Nothing in the closet but clothes. Nothing under the bed but dust. Rick went to open the last door on the landing, but something was jamming the door. He pushed a bit harder and felt something drag across the carpet beyond.

Rick caught Daryl's eye, and his eyes told him _Danger, watch out_. He pushed the door a bit more, and peeked into the room.

It was a dusty office, with a large desk at the far end of the room. A dead -actually dead- walker in military fatigues had been sprawled in front of the door, blocking it. A quick glance around showed no movement so Rick stepped over it and inside, Daryl just behind. 

A dead man sat at the desk, his head knocked back, mouth wide open and the top of his head blown clean off. The window behind him was shattered and the adjacent walls splattered with old blood.

On a piece of paper on the desk was written, "I was the last one."

The room suddenly felt very, very small.

Rick turned around, and walked back out of the claustrophobic room and shut the door. On the landing he ran his hand through his dark hair and turned to Daryl. "Reckon I could use a bit of that whiskey about now."

Daryl nodded. "Hell ya."

\---------

Back downstairs, they sat at the dining room table amidst the detritus of a war already lost, drinking some of the last whiskey that would ever be made from what might be two of the last clean glasses on Earth. It felt nearly wrong to be here. This whole place was like reading the suicide note of someone you never knew. At one time, it would have disturbed Rick. Now, it was all just about survival and taking from the dead what would keep them alive. He looked across the table at Daryl, sullenly nursing his glass. Rick wondered what kind of drunk Daryl was. He was gonna find out. He was gonna get to bottom of this shit with Daryl right now.

He pounded the rest of his glass in a single swallow, the liquid courage burning through him pleasantly. The burn, yeah, he'd missed that. He looked at Daryl, who shot the rest of his glass too. Rick grabbed the bottle and splashed some more into his cup, but when Daryl held out his glass for more, he didn't pour.

"What the fuck man, I'm the one that swiped it." He reached for the bottle but Rick held it just out of reach.

"Well I got it now, don't I. Finders keepers." Daryl looked nearly murderous. Yeah, this was gonna be fun. "I'll make you a deal." 

"What kinda deal...." Daryl looked at him suspiciously.

"You answer a question. You get a drink."

"And if I don't?"

Rick shrugged. "Then I guess this is all for me." He had Daryl, he knew it. If he really wanted what Rick thought he wanted, there wouldn't be much of a fight here. Rick took another sip of his drink, then licked his alcoholic lips wickedly. "What'll it be?"

The dim light from the electric lantern cast deep shadows on Daryl's face as he glared up at Rick. Daryl set his clenched fists on the table. The only two heartbeats for miles pulsed together in that room for a few quiet moments. This was a one way road and pretty soon there would be no turning back.

Daryl's fingers slowly uncurled until his palms were flat on the table.

"Ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this wasn't as smutty as I'd planned- next chapter is set up for some explosions though.


	4. Exposure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rick psychologically tortures Daryl in the most delicious way.

Rick took out the unloaded Desert Eagle and turned it over in his hands. Across the table, Daryl was wound tight as he'd ever been, at the mercy of whatever sick game Rick was playing with him. He knew he needed that drink badly if he was gonna get through this with sanity intact. He longed to hold his switchblade, just to have it close.

Rick lifted the gun and set its sight on Daryl, squinting slightly down the barrel like he was really aiming for him. Without dropping it, Rick softly said, "Are you hard yet?" A small smile. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Daryl flushed and his mouth fell open a little at the question. Damn this man. His fists and jaw both clenched. He involuntarily stared at the gaudy red scratch starting at Rick's neck.

Yeah, he was hard.

Rick sensed his gaze and lowered the gun. He stood up and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, let it fall to the ground. His hard abdominal muscles, the erect nipples despite the fire in the fireplace, the look of a man in total control. He was like a god.

"How 'bout now?" He looked down at Daryl, waiting for his answer.

Daryl couldn't speak. Rick tentatively held the bottle to Daryl's glass.

Anger and frustration boiled over, and Daryl slammed a fist down on the papers. "Yes.......YES! For chrissakes I'm fucking HARD, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?" Desperation. Rick was wrecking him.

Rick poured a shot in Daryl's glass, just a splash really. He wasn't gonna let this end too soon. Daryl grabbed it greedily, a lifeline for someone lost at sea. Knocked it back and let his head sink into his hands. _My knife..._

Rick had the gun again and was slowly walking behind Daryl, sitting on the bench seat tense as a rocket on a launchpad. When he was behind him, Rick traced the muzzle of the gun up Daryl's spine slowly, letting the cool metal rest against the base of his neck. Daryl's head snapped up and he started to breathe harder, but didn't move.

Rick set the bottle down, correctly judging that Daryl wouldn't dare touch it now. He slipped his hand into the collar of Daryl's bloody shirt, across his collarbone and down his chest to the cut he'd made before. As Rick traced the dried blood there, he leaned in close, his lips barely brushing Daryl's ear.

"Why'd you do this?"

Daryl was so lost. Was this happening? He'd become so adept in fading into himself, living there in his fantasies, he couldn't be entirely sure. But he knew he felt cold steel and hot breath, the remnants of the whiskey's burn, his cock throbbing in his pants and getting damp with leaking precum. He looked over at the bottle but Rick just pressed the gun to his neck harder. He had to answer.

"I.....I just always have to do it....that....after....after......."

"After what."

Daryl himself didn't know what exactly. It was just the feeling of...

"Something...bad."

Rick took the gun off his neck and his hand out of Daryl's shirt. Daryl's body cried out at the sudden absence of that touch.

"Show me." Rick had a way of demanding things and you couldn't refuse.

Daryl slowly stood and turned around to face Rick, then unbuttoned his shirt so the cut was plain to see. So were all the many other scars that had hidden there, known ever only to Daryl. He was more completely exposed than he'd ever been to anyone. He stood there defiantly meeting Rick's gaze.

Rick took the bottle and poured them both a good drink and handed Daryl his. Daryl took it but didn't drink, never taking his eyes off Rick.

His voice was soft when he spoke. "Why are you doing this? What do you want Rick......" He couldn't tell if Rick actually wanted him in any way or just liked watching him squirm.

Rick leaned close to Daryl, brushing the gun lightly against Daryl's erection. And in a way that sounded decidedly cop-like, said, "I'm the one asking the questions."

\--------

Rick took a long sip of the whiskey and considered the fucked up man who was Daryl Dixon. Not all of the scars had been made by him, but he guessed many had been. He felt an overwhelming urge to see him do it. He knew Daryl probably ached for it about now.

"How do you do it?" He put the gun and glass on the table.

Daryl drank deeply and looked down. "Switchblade."

He started to protest when Rick reached into his pack, but fell silent when Rick brought out his knife. Brilliant and familiar. Terrifying in Rick's hands.

Rick jerked his wrist and the blade swung around and hitched. Daryl couldn't take his eyes off it.

"Do you want to now?"

Daryl did, desperately, but the idea of doing it here in front of Rick was the most humiliating thing he could imagine. He shook his head no, violently.

Rick looked at the blade, still crusted with Daryl's blood. "Filthy." Daryl didn't know if he was referring to the blade or Daryl. Rick spat on the knife and slowly wiped it clean on Daryl's shirt, then lightly traced the blade against Daryl's chest without marking the skin.

"Cut me." Daryl blurted it out but immediately wanted to take it back. Rick looked surprised and the blade stilled.

The next thing Daryl registered, he was flat on the table, a crazed Rick above, straddling him. Rick held him down with one hand on his shoulder while dragging the blade across his skin, the cut parallel to the one Daryl had made earlier. He closed his eyes and moaned at the pain and the immense relief, intense pleasure. He'd never experienced it like this before. He was a sacrifice on the altar of Rick.

He could feel the warm blood trickling down, then Rick's hand smearing it across his chest. In a few swift motions, Rick had cut Daryl's shirt completely free. Rick slammed the knife into the table inches from Daryl's face, making him open his eyes again. He saw his reflection in the knife for an instant before Rick's thumb was shoved in his mouth brutally, the taste metallic. Daryl grabbed Rick's hand and sucked, wishing to all hell that he was sucking Rick's cock.

Could Rick read his mind? Because in that instant, Rick's bloody hands were unzipping his own pants and pulling out his huge erection, stroking it red just inches from Daryl's face. Daryl grabbed the front of Rick's jeans and pulled his hips to meet his face, relaxing his throat and engulfing Rick's cock completely. How many times had he jerked off to a moment like this?

Rick roughly fucked his face into the hard table as Daryl grabbed his ass, pushing him in deeper, faster. Rick's breath was coming ragged and he moaned softly when Daryl curled his tongue in circles around the head then sucked it hard. Rick reached down and twined his fingers in Daryl's hair, yanking his head back and angling him for a few very deep thrusts. Daryl gave a muffled moan on Rick's cock as he tensed and came hard down Daryl's throat, gagging him as he tried to swallow it all. Rick fell forward but released Daryl's hair and caught himself on the table, panting. Daryl sucked the last bit of Rick's load from his softening cock.

Rick looked down at Daryl, his dark hair damp to his face. When he smiled, Daryl felt like the sun shone, only for him.

"I think you've earned that drink."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Is it hot in here? :)
> 
> Hmmm. I wonder if Rick will let Daryl get off?
> 
> Stay tuned!


	5. A Place in the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More has been lying under Rick's cool exterior than he'd been letting on. Daryl relives a voyeuristic memory that started his obsession with Rick.

Shane had been the only one who had ever really known, and that knowledge had died with him. Of course Lori suspected something, she had wondered why Rick seemed so disinterested in sex with her and why he didn't seem interested in "normal" sex. When they were together that way, she usually didn't recognize that this was the strong, good man she'd married. He fucked her brutally, like a stranger. She'd finally come to realize he couldn't get turned on by sex how she wanted it. And the sex stopped.

Rick had wondered himself, really. There had been no childhood trauma, no rape or abuse. It was just the way he'd always been- driven mad with lust over the idea of holding power over another person, of taking what he wanted from others, getting them to do what he wanted. Mixing pain with the pleasure. Control. He'd known that it wasn't exactly normal, and had tried it Lori's way for awhile. It didn't work. So, he stifled that part of himself except for a few thrilling one night stands and his ever-present fantasies, and stuck by his wife, the mother of his child.

In Shane, he'd found someone that really understood that part of himself, another dominant male lured to the police force for the wrong reasons. They'd spilled their guts in the cop car on the late nights. He didn't have to explain to Shane if he lost it a little when a perp struggled or fought back. Shane got it, shared it. The violence was their bond.

The bastard had used what he'd known to get to Lori and convince her Rick never loved him. Maybe that was the truth, maybe Rick never had. But the betrayal had stung worse from Shane than from her, because of that trust.

Now, Shane was dead. Lori was dead. Society was snuffed out, and all the reasons that Rick ever had to fight this were long gone too. What was normal now?

The past year had only been about survival. He did care about the people waiting for them back at the prison. He desperately loved his son and daughter. And perhaps what had made him feel fucked up in the normal world was what made him normal in this fucked up one. He was alive, wasn't he? And if he was a better leader for it, if he could protect his children better, well there was no point pretending anymore. And Daryl..... He could replace everything for Rick- Lori, Shane- and be sexually something he had never had. He could be who he really was, fill the void. And it had only taken the world falling to pieces for him to get it.

\--------

Rick leaned up off his hands, smoothly stepped over Daryl and off the table, and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed two of the bottles of water they'd piled on the counter, opened one and washed off in the sink and poured a little over his head. He heard a small creak behind him and turned and saw Daryl standing in the doorway, blood and Rick's cum smeared across his hands, face, chest, pants, hair. Hell, he looked half a walker. Beautiful and bewildered.

Daryl was holding the knife in one hand, gazing down at it, and after a moment wiped it off on his pants and slowly closed it. He picked up the whiskey bottle and drank it straight. To hell with glasses and games. He wanted to get drunk and he wanted to cum hard.

The top button of his jeans was undone, like he'd started something there and then thought better of it. And the way he stared at Rick wasn't subtle anymore. He wanted to get off more than he ever had in his life. Rick couldn't just leave him like this....could he?

Rick walked over to him, placing the unopened water bottle on the table. He leaned into Daryl without touching him. "You're so dirty." Rick lightly stroked a lone clean spot on Daryl's chest and felt the man's pulse quicken. Daryl started to lunge forward to grab Rick but he just stepped back and shook his head slowly.

"What the fuck......." That sexy, murderous look was back in Daryl's eye. "Rick I need this."

"Clean up and come upstairs then." Rick sauntered away and up the stairs with his pack over his shoulder. "Bring the whiskey."

Daryl had thought their game was over.

It was only just beginning.

\---------

As Daryl scrubbed away the filth into the kitchen sink with what remained of his shirt, he thought about what had all started this obsession with Rick in the first place. He wondered what Rick would think if he knew.

Back on Hershel's farm, Daryl was with the group but not one of them. They were all so innocent and so goddam good in the face of the world gone to shit. Not happy, but they were all real people with souls who still found something to live for. Not like Daryl. He'd just followed Merle into this brave new world and not stopped to think if there was any reason to keep on going. A sorry excuse for a brother, but blood was blood. With Merle gone, he'd found out pretty quick that he was as empty as ever.

He'd hated Shane most of all. Not because of his cocky arrogance or his volatility, but because of what he and Rick shared. A bond, even in their antagonism over Lori, it was plain to see. Shane held Rick's confidence and respect. He held Rick's attention. Daryl had watched them nights, discussing plans or reminiscing over the campfire. Rick with his hand on Shane's shoulder, or Shane joking about something from the old world. Daryl wanted that feeling of closeness, so, so bad.

So, he'd tried to get a piece, a turn to stand in Rick's golden shadow. He'd helped out, tried to be one of them. He'd hunted. Killed walkers, killed people. He'd looked for Sophia every day, imagining the look of gratitude on Rick's face if he found her. And when Rick couldn't kill Dale, he'd taken that burden too. His actions said, _See you can trust me, let me lighten your load._

But there was a moment when Daryl realized his need for Rick had a darker side too. It started when they'd had to bring back that little shit from the bar shootout, afraid he'd run tell his trigger happy friends about the farm. Just a kid really, a scared kid with a broken leg and nothing left to lose but his life. But he was a threat for sure. Rick and Shane fought over what to do with him: kill, live, join, free....And they'd questioned him every night about his group and who and where they were. Daryl'd heard the yelling, the terrorized pleading, the dull thuds of fists on body. The begging. He'd snuck nearby each night to hear it all, out of sight, peaking through a kink in the wood slats.

One night Rick and Shane entered the shed and the kid was just out of his mind with fear. Shane and Rick had taken turns trying to get coherent answers but finally lost patience and just beat the living shit out of the kid. Blood was in the water. Rick was responding in an unexpected way- Daryl could see he was hard in his jeans, breathing heavy....and Shane didn't seem surprised at all. A look passed between Shane and Rick and in an instant Shane had the kid on the ground, pinned face-down by the wrists in the dirt. Shane's eyes were watching Rick, waiting. Daryl's eyes watched too, barely breathing.

The kid knew what was coming, and struggled and cursed them, but that just seemed to make Rick pound him harder, faster, until he stopped struggling and just whimpered. When Rick came, Shane had already let the kid go, but he didn't move. In fact, he was pushing back against Rick. When it was all over, and they'd left the kid alone again, there was a large wet spot from where he'd cum in his pants. Daryl had finished himself off in his tent, and was glad that he was away from the group when he couldn't choke back his moan when he orgasmed. He lay there staring at the roof of his tent for what must have been hours, the beginnings of obsession taking hold.

And later, when Shane was killed and there was chaos all around, Daryl didn't question Rick or wonder what had happened, but rather just stepped into Shane's place in the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure who's the more fucked up of these two now. Guess we don't all wear our scars on the outside.  
> Just to clarify, although they call the guy in the shed a "kid," it's just because he's younger than they are (not really a kid.) In my mind, like early 20s.
> 
> Next chapter, the boys and Jack Daniels head for the bedroom where Rick has a new game in store for Daryl. Pants optional :D
> 
> Thank you for all your awesome feedback and kudos!!


	6. All That's Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick warns Daryl to back off, Daryl makes a confession that provokes him and finally gets what he wants.

Rick stepped into the dark upstairs bedroom and let his pack slip from his fingers to the large bed. In this room, a diorama of life as it had been, it was easy to forget the dead walked and men starved outside. A twinge of guilt was slowly emerging. He was leading Daryl right into hell if he went on with this. He'd destroyed Lori this way. Rick wanted to be selfish, but after all they'd been through, he owed Daryl more than that.

A much cleaner Daryl wasn't far behind him, but when he got to the doorway with the bottle and electric lantern, he hesitated. He swayed slightly on his feet, the alcohol doing god's work. Daryl felt nearly brave. 

Rick turned his back to the door and spoke to the dark. "I'm not the good guy you think I am, Daryl."

A moment passed, but Daryl stepped into the room. His voice was low. "That's fucked, Rick.........You're good. I've seen the evil out there now."

"I'm no hero. I don't have the scars to show it but I'm just as fucked up as you are."

Daryl set the lamp and bottle on the dresser and dropped his pack. He sighed, "I know who you are Rick, who you **really** are."

Rick snorted, unbelieving. He whipped around angrily. "Do you? How could you?" No answer. "I'm just saying that you might be looking for the wrong thing from me. Walk away now."

Rick didn't know if he hoped he would or wouldn't do it.

Daryl met Rick's eyes. "I saw you that night in the shed.......with Shane and that kid. Back on the farm. I saw the whole damn thing." He took a step closer to Rick.

It was Rick's turn to be bewildered. How in the hell…..The memory of that night came rushing into Rick like a tidal wave. It was a moment he thought he'd only shared with Shane. When Shane had held the boy down for him and waited for him to pounce, like a gift or a twisted fucking apology for Lori, he'd lost control. Looking back, it wasn't his proudest moment and he'd thought it had been a secret that died with Shane. 

Daryl stepped face to face with him, enjoying putting Rick off his guard for once today. Payback was sweet. "I saw it and I'm still here." He let that sink in.

Daryl reached out and traced Rick's open bottom lip with his fingers. He wanted to tell Rick everything, and couldn't help himself. "I wanted Shane to die." He curled his hand around the back of Rick's neck and through his hair. Softer, "I wanted Lori to die."

Rick's eyes narrowed at her name, and he snapped back to himself. A white hot rage was building that he could not win against. He rammed Daryl into the wall, gripping his throat and barely resisting the urge to squeeze the life from him. He'd wished for the death of the two people Rick cared most for? All he could get out was, "Why??"

Their half-naked bodies pressed tight, and he could feel Rick trembling with anger. Daryl put his hands up in defeat and smiled a little. Wasn't it obvious by now? "Because, they had you." 

\------

Rick looked at Daryl like it was the first time he really saw him. Any guilt he'd felt before had vaporized. He wanted to wreck this man. Fuck Daryl senseless and make him beg for it to end.

Without releasing his grip on Daryl's throat, he yanked down the zipper on the man's pants and pushed them to the ground. Daryl hissed, "yesssssss..." between his teeth and tilted his hips forward, grinding his hard cock into Rick's hand. Rick grabbed it and squeezed and Daryl gasped. Somehow, Daryl seemed simultaneously helpless and in control, satisfied that he'd finally provoked Rick into a real emotion. There was a mocking half-smile on the man's face that made Rick want to punch that pretty face into pulp. 

"This what you want from me, you sick fuck?" Rick traced his thumb around the swollen head softly, brushing over Daryl's slit.

Daryl moaned, "Fuck. Yes." Daryl ran his hands over Rick's hard unmarked body, felt the man tense beneath his touch from either pleasure or hate.

Rick spat into his hand, coated Daryl's member, and started to stroke him very slowly. Daryl was nearly collapsing against his other hand at his throat and trying to fuck Rick's hand to speed up his pace, grabbing at Rick's body to pull him closer. Rick squeezed Daryl's throat slightly and said harshly, "No. You come when and how I say…..if I let you."

Daryl nodded and stopped moving, and Rick let him breathe. He moved his hand down to Daryl's balls and tugged them then circled each one in his fingers. Daryl was panting hard and tiny moans would escape his lips, but he was still. It took an enormous effort on Daryl's part, his body was roaring for stimulation under Rick's grasp.

Rick leaned in close to Daryl's ear. "Tell me how you felt when you spied on me you little sneak." He stopped touching Daryl for a second, until he spoke.

Daryl would have confessed to anything to get that touch back. "I listened to you and Shane in there every night. Hating Shane being so close to you. Jealous..."

Rick started stroking underneath Daryl's head again, at the sensitive soft spot where Rick knew felt so good. Daryl's eyes closed, lips parted.

"I wanted to be.....him....the kid..." Rick picked up the pace of his stroking and increased the pressure. "Rick.....shit.....that feels so good...."

Rick felt Daryl getting too close and backed off a bit. He was gonna edge him until Daryl was crazy for it, punish him.

"No.....don't stop. Rick, make me cum..." Daryl's pupils were blown wide, begging Rick. There was the beginning of desperation there.

"Not yet." Rick spit in his hand again and stroked very softly with hardly any pressure. Rick knew the torture must have been exquisite but he wasn't finished yet. "You wanted to be that kid....you wanted to get raped by me?"

Daryl nodded quickly, as well as he could under Rick's hand at his throat. "I saw what he did to you. I wanted to do that to you, to make you _feel_ something, really fuckin' feel it."

"I think that YOU just want to feel something." Rick spat on the cuts on Daryl's chest and lightly twisted his hand around the head of Daryl's cock. Daryl melted a little, and banged his head back against the wall in pleasure and agony. 

Daryl closed his eyes and between pants asked, "Shane….did you and Shane ever….." The whiskey had made him braver that he'd realized.

Rick released Daryl's throat and cock and stepped back. Daryl's eyes shot open and he fell forward to the ground, he'd been leaning into Rick so heavily. He'd asked because he'd never seen them act sexually towards one another before, but then that moment in the shed….had that happened before, had there been something more than friendship between them? He took deep breaths again and realized he'd fucked up. But he wasn't backing down now.

He looked up at Rick from his knees, defiant. "Did you?" He willed Rick to answer him.

Rick stared down at him and gave him a small shake of his head. Shane never would have let Rick have him like this, they both wanted control too much to let it go to the other.

Daryl stood up again, his cock glistening wet with Rick's saliva and oozing precum. He closed the distance between them and collided with Rick, his hands tangled deeply in Rick's hair, his mouth licking, sucking, biting Rick's neck and chest. His tongue found the red scratch at Rick's collarbone and licked it end to end. Rick had been surprised by Daryl's sudden move, but now responded with a shudder to Daryl's mouth on his body, his hands in his hair and then caressing his nipples. The raw emotion behind Daryl's touch was electricity through them both, being wanted like this was a powerful drug. "Shane never let me….no, never like this."

Daryl wrapped his hands around Rick's waist and stroked the skin at his hips then was fumbling with Rick's pants fly, tugging his pants down. He sucked Rick's earlobe and whispered hoarsely, "But you wanted him, didn't you..." Rick involuntarily whispered, "yes" without even thinking. Daryl bit his earlobe hard at that, a painful pang of jealousy for a dead man.

Rick stepped back to the bed, dragging Daryl down with him, on top of him. Daryl was above him and their eyes locked a moment. Rick grabbed both their cocks in one hand and pressed them together and started stroking them off. "Oh fuck…….." Daryl's breath was hot at his neck as he squirmed against Rick's hand and moaned. "Rick….fuckin' tell me what you want….I'm yours however you want me. You know that….." Another moan as Rick leaned up and bit his shoulder and used his tongue to find all the secrets in the soft places of Daryl's neck. "Fuck Shane. I'll do whatever you want."

Rick flipped the two of them over on the bed so he was above Daryl, and only holding his own cock now. He spit again into his hand and got it slick. Daryl nodded needfully, "Yeah….c'mon Rick." Rick traced his cock down Daryl's stomach and across the man's cock. He lifted Daryl's legs over his shoulders and rested the tip of his head against Daryl's entrance, teasing it. 

"You gonna be what Shane never was?" Daryl grabbed his arms, trying to pull him in and nodding furiously.

Rick pushed in a few inches, and Daryl let out a broken moan and tried to pull him in more.

"You gonna do what Lori never could?" Daryl tried to push his body onto Rick's cock. "Fuck yes, I'll be all of it, everything for you…" His hands reached for his own cock, but Rick knocked them away and pushed himself in all the way. He started to slowly slide in and out of Daryl while the other man just writhed beneath him. 

Daryl was seeing stars as Rick pounded against his prostate, over and over until he felt nearly sick with need. His legs slipped down from Rick's shoulders and fell to either side of him. Rick grabbed his wrists and held him down on the bed as he leaned forward and picked up his pace, eyes closed and biting his lip.

"No, Rick…..look at me godammit….see me, not Shane." Rick's eyes snapped open and a low moan broke free as Daryl clenched down on his cock, squeezing it in the warmest, tightest place Rick had ever been.

"I see you Daryl. I want you...." He started pounding harder, the intense pleasure flowing in waves through him and building, building.

Daryl hesitated for a second and then leaned up and pressed his mouth to Rick's. It was a gamble. It felt hugely risky to try to touch Rick in such a close way, but right now he had no control over himself. He wanted contact with Rick everywhere.

Rick opened his mouth to consume Daryl, tongue thrusting into his mouth hungrily. Daryl softly hummed a moan into Rick's mouth and lost himself completely. His cock lay untouched and it was nearly unbearable. He struggled a bit against Rick's grip, wanting to stroke himself so badly.

Without breaking their brutal kiss, Rick gathered both Daryl's wrists in one hand and reached down with the other to tease Daryl's cock. Daryl wrenched his mouth away and begged, "Rick, more, please....please."

Rick smiled a bit and then gripped Daryl's cock firmly, stoking it in rhythm with his thrusts. Daryl arched into Rick's hand, impaled, nearly immobilized, a yelp of pleasure and then just, "fuck...oh fuck...Rick....fuuuuuuckk..." His orgasm that had been pushed back so many times was finally building to a level that Daryl thought might kill him. Rick spit on his hand without releasing him and he felt the warm wetness between himself and Rick's hand, sliding, sliding.

As he clenched down on Rick again, that finally pushed Rick off the razor's edge he'd kept himself on. Rick gasped softly and shot his cum deep inside Daryl with his last few deep thrusts. He released Daryl's wrist and started jacking Daryl hard with both hands, one on the shaft and the other on the head. "Daryl, cum." Daryl came nearly immediately at this intense stimulation, again arching up into Rick's grasp and gripping the bed hard, mouth wide open and whimpering at the shocks of pleasure.

Rick slowly pulled out of Daryl as he came, Daryl shooting all over his stomach and chest, even a bit on his face. He started to slow his stroking and ease off, but Daryl sat up and grabbed his hand and held it on his cock to pump a few more times past his orgasm and into painful sensitivity. "Just a bit more......yes...I need this." Daryl closed his eyes and tilted his head back to just feel this.

Rick smiled. "You're a sick fuck Daryl." Daryl just smiled and nodded, not opening his eyes yet. Finally he groaned and released Rick's hands and fell back on the bed with a look of bliss.

Rick stood up and cleaned himself up a bit with some water and a rag from his pack. He looked over at the naked man covered in cum. "Well...?"

Daryl ran his hands through his hair, smiling up at the ceiling. "I thought I was gonna turn there for a sec, came so damn hard."

Rick smirked and laid down on the bed next to Daryl. He felt incredible too. Alive. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to the cuts on Daryl's chest, not quite a kiss but tender nonetheless. He raised his head and caught Daryl's gaze, full of emotion. "This is all there is now y'know. All there is in the world that is left to live for." He touched his chest and then Daryl's.

Daryl was quiet awhile. He swallowed and fractured the silence. "Am I enough for you.....to live for?"

Rick nodded.

Daryl shut his eyes, wanting to hold onto this moment and never let it pass. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to take a few, er, breaks to write this chapter. XD
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Next chapter- Rick and Daryl take their haul and their new understanding back to the prison.


	7. Deep Holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new day brings new hope for everyone.

Rick lay awake on the bed in the upstairs bedroom. Moonlight streamed in from the window making their naked flesh appear grey and colorless, cold and dead. He gazed at Daryl, who was enjoying unworried, intoxicated sleep with a slight smile on his face.

_So now he knows._

When Rick tried to shut his eyes, he only saw Shane's face, on his last day on earth. Standing in front of him in the dark field, completely alone. Sure, he'd figured Shane had used the kid to lure him out here, but for what purpose he did not know. In the back of his mind, deep down, he had actually hoped that Shane had wanted to get him alone for....to tell him.....

But, no, the one he'd wanted was Lori, and Shane was willing to kill Rick to get her.

_What a fool I was._

And Rick had nearly let him. He could hardly believe Shane was so willing to throw away...to murder...everything they'd shared, their bond, years of friendship, their deep understanding of each other....for a woman? That realization killed the last bit of the old Rick, the bit he'd held onto despite what they'd all seen and done and knew. He'd meant nothing to Shane after all. 

_"Is that what you want Shane? To fuck my wife and have my kid call you Daddy?" He could only talk to Shane's raised gun, not Shane._

_"Lori and Carl will get over you. They did it once. I'm a better father than you, Rick." The pain didn't stop flowing from Shane's mouth. "I'm a better man than you."_

He'd known exactly what Shane was referring to. Their secret. Shane had been complicit but Rick had lost control. He couldn't register that Shane was using that against him, maybe already had with Lori. All he knew was that he was stabbing Shane over and over, screaming " _this is not on me.._ " to himself more than to the dying man at his feet.

And when he'd returned to camp with Carl, his best friend's blood smeared across him like warpaint, the look in Lori's eyes told him that the wrong man had returned to her.

Rick opened his eyes and gazed at Daryl again. Can one person really replace two? Best friend and lover?

If everything he'd ever had with both Shane and Lori had been the lie he thought it was, then the answer was yes. But their graves were two very, very deep holes.

\----------

Dawn ended Daryl's deep sleep, the best he'd had in months. He stretched and turned over to reach for Rick. An empty bed, and Rick's pack was gone. Clean army fatigues and some water sat on the dresser next to Daryl's stuff. He cleaned up a bit, got dressed, and collected his things before heading downstairs to look for Rick.

He saw Rick standing at the dining room table, studying the maps and papers that had been strewn there. A few were splattered with Daryl's blood from last night, and he blushed a bit at the memory. Rick looked up and nodded his head hello, "Mornin' sleeping beauty." The shit-eating grin just made him look more like a god to Daryl.

"Pfffft. Mornin' yourself...." But he met Rick's eye with a shy smile and fidgeted with his crossbow. A look passed between them, unsaid words hung there with new shared memories. But Rick obviously had something on his mind, was agitated.

Rick motioned him over to the table. "Take a look at this." He held out a piece of paper, an official-looking memo with the acronym "NIH" and "Top Secret" in large raised letters at the top. Daryl took it and started to read.

"Colonel Walker,

We regret to inform you that we will not be able to respond to your request for vaccinated troops and vaccine units, as we have none to provide. The last remaining vaccinated personnel have already departed with the President and staff to a secure locale, and the NIH itself is now a completely sequestered facility dedicated to researching how to scale up vaccine production.

We strongly encourage you to maintain your camp and secure your perimeter from infected persons. All non-vaccinated persons should be assumed to be infected, and only the complete destruction of the brain is effective for neutralization. Await further instructions from your command. 

Regretfully Yours,

Ezra Zohani  
Director, National Institute of Health"

Daryl slumped down onto the bench seat, still staring at the paper in disbelief, rereading the words. The letter was dated just three weeks ago.

"A vaccine.....they already had a fucking vaccine...." 

Rick nodded slowly. "The NIH is in Bethesda Maryland. Just west of DC. Its a long ways from here, but....Daryl, we've got to get there somehow. Get everyone there."

"Might be a dead zone now, Rick. Like the CDC. One guy with no answers and a finger on the red button to blow it all up."

Rick sat down across from Daryl. "Could be. But now we know there's a cure out there, or there was at one point. We know that people were vaccinated and got away....the President got away."

"Poor bastard upstairs probably didn't like this news much." Daryl set the paper back down on the table. "What do you think they were doing here anyway, out in the middle of bumblefuck Georgia? There's nothing here man."

Rick had thought about this but didn't know the answer. "They must have been looking for someone, or something. I don't know what, but I don't think they found it."

"Maybe waiting for someone?" Daryl remembered something. "The 'copter."

\-----

The helicopter was crashed in the eastern edge of the camp, in an open space away from the tents and house. Daryl had remembered that from the first time he was here. But he hadn't noticed the bullet holes the first time.

"They shot it down." Rick walked around the helicopter's tilted wreckage. The propellor blades had spun deeply into the dirt, lodging there and breaking apart in places. The door to the fractured plexiglass cockpit stood wide open, the interior empty save for a bloody briefcase and satchel. Rick reached in and grabbed them both.

Daryl ran a hand over one of the blades. "Must have been low to the ground when it was shot at, maybe tryin' to take off? Else everything would have been a lot more destroyed." 

"Didn't want 'em to leave?" Rick gazed up at the morning sky. One day closer to winter. "Let's get back to the prison. Figure all this out there. I don't feel safe here anymore."

Daryl nodded and they walked back to the Tahoe and the tank. The tank ended up being a lost cause, somebody had thrown a grenade down into it and blown the controls all to hell. Another secret about this place they'd never know. But Rick didn't seem to mind it, the memo burned more brightly in his thoughts now, folded in a tight square in his back pocket.

The last thing they did before driving back home was to throw their old clothes on top of the smoldering pile of walkers behind the house and watch them smoke. Daryl's torn and bloody shirt, their pants crusted with months of dirt, blood, that never had really washed away.

Daryl stared into the embers. It seemed like they'd been gone from the prison for years. "The world's just changed, hasn't it." 

Rick nodded. "In more ways than one." 

Daryl gave him a sidelong glance. He wasn't exactly sure how he should act around Rick now. Would whatever was between them be a secret? Was this just sex? Rick acted hot and cold, cruel and tender, and above all, so....unpredictable. This was Rick's game and he'd just have to wait and see how long Daryl would get to play.

Rick started to turn but Daryl said, "Wait." Rick stopped.

Daryl took his switchblade out of his pack and turned it over in his hands. It had meant many things to him: pain, solace, freedom, release, pleasure, escape. But it was a crutch. The last and only thing he'd ever had of his father's. 

"Daryl..." Rick started to say something, but stopped short when Daryl tossed it onto the burning heap with the other dead things.

Daryl turned swiftly and just said, "C'mon. Let's go home." He hoped the gesture wasn't lost on Rick.

It wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, Colonel Walker has an unfortunate name I'm thinking now, but seems fitting at least.
> 
> And....hello canon divergence. The story will largely follow its own plot line now. But I've got some good stuff ahead for the group as they decide whether to go to the NIH or not. How will Daryl and Rick's relationship be at the prison and onward? Come back soon and see! :)


	8. Skeleton Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the prison, Daryl helps Rick open the briefcase. Rick tells the group about the memo and tells everyone to think it over. Daryl comes to Rick's cell at night.

The ride back to the prison was cramped, they'd crammed every open space they could, but Rick dozed off in the car as if it had been nothing more than a road trip. As they eased into the front gate of the prison, Glen and Maggie held the gate open and some walkers at bay. Daryl nudged Rick awake, "Ready?"

Rick yawned, then smiled and nodded. "Let's tell 'em."

They pulled into the yard and Hershel hobbled out to meet them, Carl running up behind wearing Rick's deputy hat. Rick stepped out of the car towards him and pulled the hat down over his eyes jokingly even though he knew Carl hated that.

"Daaaad! Ugh! How'd the run go? We were worried! Hershel said...." His mouth fell open as Daryl opened up the trunk, revealing their haul, and tossed a candy bar to Carl. Everyone stood silent for a moment then a flurry of activity unloading it all amidst backslaps and cheers for Rick and Daryl. The group had needed this after losing Lori and so many others, some hope and comfort.

Rick approached Hershel with a wink, who looked happier than he had in a long while. "Had some trouble on the road out there, got caught overnight. But got you a few meds old man. Don't waste 'em." Hershel just chuckled as he went through the first aid kits and pills. "Got something else too...." Rick slowly pulled out the folded memo from his back pocket and held it out to Hershel. He gave Rick a quizzical look but took it and unfolded it, leaning on his crutch. Rick watched his face change from confusion to astonishment as he read the letter and slowly lowered it to look at Rick.

"Rick..."

"Tell everyone to come inside after unloading the car. Meeting tonight after dinner." He patted Hershel on the back as he walked away towards the prison with the briefcase and satchel he'd found in the wrecked helicopter. Maybe there was something here that might help with the weighty decision that stood in front of him.

He caught Daryl's eye as he stepped inside the doorway and mouthed 'find me later.' Daryl nodded and went back to trying to steal Carl's candybar.

Up in his cell, Rick opened up the leather satchel first. It was filled with personal items- men and women's clothes, a heavy steel watch, soap. At the bottom was a small picture album with family portraits. A middle-aged man and woman, their grown kids, and some grandkids. A small box held two wedding rings, one with a very large diamond. A dead cell phone. Meaningful pieces of a life that were now worthless.

He was fidgeting with the locked briefcase when he finally noticed Daryl behind him. He tossed the case on his bunk in frustration. "Damn thing's locked tighter than a nun's asshole."

Daryl snorted and motioned to the case. "Give'er here."

"What, you a locksmith now?"

"I learned a thing or two 'bout pickin' locks. Lemme have a crack at it."

"Be my guest." Rick stood up and leaned against the wall as Daryl sat down on his bunk and examined the case's lock. There was a numerical panel and a small screen.

"A digital lock. Ain't seen too many of these." He took out a piece of wire and fiddled underneath the catch mechanism. No dice. "Eight digits."

He set the case down. Rick smirked a little. "Eight digits. A trillion possible combinations."

"No, not really. People pick something that meant somethin' to em. A phone number, a date."

Rick had a hunch. He picked up the satchel again and took out the rings. The man's ring held an inscription. On this day, we are one. 8-12-80. "Try 08121980."

Daryl punched in the numbers. The screen flashed 'password 1 accepted' then 'enter password 2.' "Good guess, but we need another 8 digits."

"Damn." That was all Rick had. Daryl sighed and stared that the lock. After a while he punched something in and to Rick's amazement, the briefcase beeped and the lock popped.

"Holy shit! Didn't expect that to work!"

Rick walked over to Daryl, peering at the case and letting his hand rest lightly on the back of Daryl's neck. "What the heck did you punch in there?"

Rick's hand burned hot on his neck, and he resisted the urge to just grab him. Not the time, Daryl, not now.

"The day the world ended."

\--------

Daryl remembered that day like it was yesterday. October 15, 2010.

He'd been sobering up in the drunk tank of the police station with Merle after a bit too rowdy of a night. They'd just finished up a new batch of moonshine and had decided to get completely lit out in the woods. They'd stumbled onto some crotchety old coot's farm, and before they knew who to start punching at, were face-down on the ground getting handcuffed and arrested. Disturbin' the peace my ass. Just trying to have a little fun.

Merle had got a busted lip and a pulled shoulder for his trouble, and the bastard cops had took an axe to their still.

But looking back, stuck in jail might have been the safest place to be that day. Daryl had been trying to sleep it off but kept hearing the TV blaring from where the guard was sitting across from the cells.

"Mind turnin' that down dipshit?! People tryin' ta sleep over here." He'd walked over to bang on the bars and yell a bit more, because the guard wasn't answering him. He was just staring at the TV, his hand resting on his gun absentmindedly.

"Hey, my baby brother's talkin' at ya. Don't a man have no civil rights no more? Cruel and inhumane treatment, having to listen to that while my head's 'bout to implode."

The cop just said "shhhhhhhhhhh!" loudly and pointed to the screen. "If you two fuckin' rednecks weren't so dense you'd see there's something crazy going down. Reporter said that several hospitals have been over-run by...they don't know what...and there's some kind of sickness. Happenin' all over the world." The cop turned around and looked hard at Daryl and Merle, like maybe there was something wrong with them too.

Merle dismissed him with a wave. "Ah man, I'm healthy as a horse."

Daryl snorted. "Yeah a drunk horse." Merle made a face at him.

"Well if all that's goin' on, seems like we should get a reprieve. Whattaya say there officer?" Merle always had that damn sense of humor.

"Nice try." The officer smirked and chomped down on a jelly donut, the cherry jelly oozing out like gore.

The reporters on TV cut to a breaking report, footage of cars crashed in the streets, a riot in a football field, people shooting guns in the street and houses on fire. It was from the next town over. Some people in the footage looked.....odd. Huge gashes that should have been mortal wounds but weren't. They walked in a halting way, shuffled. One of them ripped the neck out of one of the cameramen. The TV program suddenly went to black.

Daryl just stared.

"What the actual fuck.....baby brother I do believe some real life apocalyptic shit is going on. Officer, you gonna meet your maker with a donut hanging out your fat mouth?" He'd actually laughed it off. Merle laughed.

They'd heard an explosion outside, and the cop had dropped the donut in surprise then leapt up and ran outside. They'd screamed at him to try to find out what was going on, but he didn't even notice them. They never saw him again. They screamed until their lungs hurt but nobody ever came.

For three days, they drank water out of the sink and had to stare at their stuff across the room and the damn jelly donut the cop had dropped on the floor. They kept thinking another cop would come, or anybody. The TV that had been left on would sometimes cut to a short broadcast, usually just an emergency announcement, sometimes footage of more chaos, refugee camp locations. The governor of Georgia came on and said not to panic, that the government had everything under control. The Feds were on their way. And then just a black screen. Nothing.

After days of explosions, crashes, honking, screams, the silence was even worse. Merle was nearly crazed at this point, humor gone, just pacing the cell like a caged animal.

"Turn out your pockets." Daryl wasn't going to wait any longer. They needed to get the hell out now.

"Don't got no key Daryl."

"Just do it. Lemme see what you got."

Daryl had lined up everything he had on the floor: shoelaces, chewed gum, a toothbrush. Their knives had been confiscated. Merle turned out his pockets. A wallet. Some lint. That's it.

Daryl opened the wallet and tried not to laugh as saw an expired condom in there. Good old Merle, always hopin'. "Fuck you little brother." He ripped open Merle's wallet and was about to get punched when he held up what he had been looking for. The wallet had a metal spine, like a thick piece of wire. He bent one end of it and knelt down by the lock.

"Well, well...now we're talking. Guess I didn't get all the brains in the family after all."

It wasn't easy, and he'd given up a few times in frustration, but the hunger pangs brought him back to it. After 3 or 4 hours they'd finally heard the most satisfying sound ever as the wire caught the gear and moved the bolt. They were free.

Daryl had grabbed their stuff and checked it over. But Merle picked up the stale jelly donut and inhaled it in a single bite, licking his chops and rubbing his belly. "Mmmmmmmmmm."

"Pfffft. Thanks fer sharin.'"

Outside, they stepped over bodies, trash and debris to get a good look at what had happened. Several buildings were burned down. Downed power lines. Lots of crashed cars. The streets were eerily quiet except for a horde of ragged looking people stumbling around, groaning quietly now and then. Merle peered at them down the road.

"Don't think they look too friendly. Better get some wheels and make tracks fast."

Several of the abandoned vehicles had just been left withs keys in the ignition. Merle hopped on an overturned motorcycle, Daryl found a truck with nearly a full tank. The ragged people started to come their way when they started the ignitions. Merle pulled up to the truck window.

Daryl wasn't sure where they should go, where was safe. "Where to?"

"Well, you always did wanna see the big city."

God he missed that asshole.

\---------

That night, Rick told everybody about the camp and then read the memo out loud. Everyone was dead quiet, just as they always were when Rick spoke. He passed it around so everyone could see and touch it, and know it was for real.

Glen spoke first. "A vaccine...do you think that means a cure too? Like all of us could be cured now, or would it be too late since we're all supposedly infected now?"

"Not sure really, but I'm guessin' that the head of that camp was counting on it being a cure. Why else ask for it after the outbreak?" Rick reasoned.

"Why didn't the guy at the CDC know this? I mean seems like they'd know for sure...." Carol seemed skeptical.

Rick shrugged. "There was a lot he didn't know, it seemed. Like what caused it, even. He was the last one left alive but not the one that was meant to be in charge."

"How would we even get to the NIH? It's hundreds of miles away Rick." Hershel looked over to Beth holding tiny Judith and then down at his leg. "At least we're safe here."

Daryl finally spoke up. "We aren't safe anywhere. Not so long as we're infected. We're just the walking dead."

"What if we get there and they don't let us in? People must've tried, if its still standing." Maggie looked hopeful, looking to Rick for answers.

Rick and Daryl exchanged a look, then Rick answered her. "They'll let us in. We've got something that belongs to them. Something they'll want."

Rick reached into his pocket and took out a small USB drive, labeled 'NIH.' He placed it on the table.

Everyone stared at it. Carl picked it up. "What's on it?"

"Instructions on how to make the vaccine. We found it and some papers describing what it was in a locked briefcase at the camp. Someone was trying to leave with it in a helicopter. They were shot down." Rick took it back from Carl. "Seems like maybe they were trying to get it to the CDC, or hell, I dunno. But I know they'll want it back. This is our key into that place."

\---------

The excitement was palpable and everyone talked late into the night. Rick had asked everyone to just sleep on it, that they'd decide the next day where to go from here. Not everyone was convinced it was worth it. Hershel mainly, and he trusted the man. Hell, even he had his doubts. Who knew what lay between here and Maryland. But not doing anything didn't seem a real option now either. How could he sleep at night knowing that hope might be out there? 

When the prison finally slept, he headed up to his cell and placed the drive back in the briefcase, then plopped onto his bunk. He was somewhere between sleep and awake when he felt hands unbuttoning his shirt in the dark. Instinctively, he grabbed whoever was in front of him, ready to kill, until he heard Daryl's soft drawl. 

"Hey..hey man, ease up. Shhhh. Its me."

Rick registered and eventually lowered his fist but didn't release the front of Daryl's shirt. He jerked Daryl towards him, their mouths colliding with a clack of teeth and then just Daryl's soft hungry tongue filling his mouth. Daryl was leaning into him, nearly on top of him, wanting the kiss so bad. Rick could feel Daryl's hardness pressing against him and he reached out to trace its outline through Daryl's pants. Daryl hummed into Rick's mouth in approval and started to unbutton his shirt. Rick pulled back abruptly. Daryl leaned in for more but Rick put a hand on his chest, "Wait."

Daryl sat there, hair messed, cock hard, waiting just like Rick said. Rick unzipped his pants and shoved Daryl's head down onto his cock. He whispered, "Suck me Daryl." 

Daryl immediately got down on his knees between Rick's legs and started licking and sucking the head, taking his cock deeper and deeper into his mouth. He gripped the base of Rick's cock with one hand and slowly stroked underneath his mouth while tugging on Rick's balls with the other. Rick was trying like hell not to make a sound, he had his arm across his mouth, practically biting it. His other hand was in Daryl's hair, pushing him faster and faster, up and down. 

When Rick was dangerously close, he roughly pulled Daryl's head off his cock and jerked himself until he came all over Daryl's pretty face and lips, then released his hair with a sigh. Daryl wiped the cum off his face and licked it off his fingers while Rick watched. "Not a bad job keepin' quiet. Not sure I coulda."

"Let's see if you can." Rick smirked at him. "Jack off for me. I wanna see you do it."

Daryl hesitated a moment. He'd never done that in front of anyone before. "Uh...mmkay, if you want me to."

"I do." Rick leaned back against the wall with a satisfied look on his face. "Undress."

Daryl stood up and unbuttoned his shirt and pants and dropped them to the floor. He gripped his cock and started to stroke while staring Rick straight in the eyes. Not make a sound? Damn, this would be tough as hell.

Daryl's lips parted as his hands worked his cock up and down, enjoying the hungry look on Rick's face as he watched him edging closer and closer to orgasm. "What are you thinking about?" Rick whispered.

"Heh. What ain't I thinkin' about. Man you've given me jackoff material for years...." His breath hitched a little as he got very close. "Thinking about...you inside me..." Rick got up off the bed and stood in front of him. 

"Go to your knees." Daryl dropped to his knees, jacking his cock a little faster and choking back a moan. "Look up here." Daryl looked up at Rick above him, their eyes locked. "Now cum." Daryl didn't need another second or another word, at Rick's command he gasped and shot his load into his hand and onto the ground. His eyes didn't leave Rick's as he worked through his nearly silent orgasm and his heart rate started to slow again. 

Rick lay down on his bunk again, a bit of a smile on his lips as he shut his eyes for sleep. "Better run on back now. Busy day ahead."

"Well, hope ya enjoyed the show." A bit sarcastically. Daryl let out a deep breath, stood up and put his pants on. He cleaned up his cum with his shirt and was walking out of Rick's cell when he heard him softly snoring. Yup, he'd enjoyed it. They both had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, they seem to have an understanding now but damn, Rick does love to dominate Daryl. ;)
> 
> I had fun writing Merle's dialogue and their jail scene! 
> 
> More to cum of course.....


	9. Sharp Edges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words cut deeper than knives.

Rick came downstairs for breakfast after sleeping a bit longer than usual, and was surprised to see everyone there at the table already. Everyone but Daryl. He sat down and Carol passed him some hot oatmeal, what they usually ate in the mornings since they'd found a ton of it at the prison. Everyone got rather quiet. 

"We've been talking about what to do Rick." Hershel seemed to speak for them all. Rick set down his spoon and nodded for him to continue."Go on."

"We agree that we got to do something. Even the hope of a cure, we have to know. Its just...." Hershel trailed off. "We can't all go, Rick. There's no way that Judith...or I...could safely travel all the way there."

"And we don't want to lose the prison. If there's nothing there at the NIH, you can always come back here," Maggie said.

Rick stared down at his oatmeal. "Me, huh."

"I wanna go too, Dad. I'm big enough." Carl straightened up to try to look older, taller. Rick smiled and mussed his hair.

"I wish I could take you son. But I have no idea what's out there." He pushed his oatmeal around his bowl. "It will be easier and safer for me to go alone. I'll take a car and just make for Bethesda quick as I can." Rick still looked worried through. The thought of leaving his kids here was terrifying. 

"Should be able to siphon gas from cars on the way, like we did out of Atlanta." Glenn wanted to help Rick but no way he was leaving Maggie and Hershel here alone. "And you got enough stuff from the camp for us all to live on for months."

"See if they'll give you vaccines in exchange for whatever's on the disk and bring them back," Carol said softly.

Rick slowly nodded. "Well that settles it then. If that's what everyone's agreed." He looked around again. "Where's Daryl?"

Silence for a few moments. "He didn't care much for our idea. Stormed out right before you came down. Said he was going to check his traps." Hershel frowned as he said it.

Rick pushed away the empty bowl and sat up. "Better go talk him down."

\------

Rick vaguely knew where Daryl laid his traps in the forest beyond the prison but also knew he wouldn't find the hunter if he didn't want to be found. He checked some of the spots he knew, gun half-raised in case he came across a walker. He was standing in a clearing when he heard Daryl's angry voice behind him.

"They send you out hereta babysit me?"

Rick turned around and lowered his gun. But he saw that Daryl had his crossbow half-raised. "They're right you know. Its not safe for everyone to go. Not safe for Judith, Carl, Hershel."

Daryl lowered his crossbow and paced next to Rick, agitated. "Don't fuckin' mean YOU should go!" 

"Somebody's got to. I'm the one that wants to do something after all."

Daryl whipped around and actually shoved Rick a little. "Fuck that! I wish we'd never found that goddam memo, wish I'd never taken you to that camp! What's a cure gonna do for us anyway? Time we'd need it we'd be dead anyhow." 

"Not having to check ourselves every time we get a scratch? Not having to worry anytime we get a bit of walker blood on us? Not having to hack off limbs if we're bit?" Rick tried to reach out and touch Daryl's shoulder but the other man turned away. "Daryl, I don't want Judith to grow up with that kind of fear. I don't want Carl to feel it anymore. Or any of us."

Daryl was silent, just glaring at Rick.

"You were right when you said we were the walking dead. I need your support on this Daryl."

"Pffft. Why, so I can be your pincushion or your fuck toy when you feel like it?" He was just lashing out now, wishing to god he hadn't thrown away his knife. His knife had always been there for him, and Rick was leaving him. "Do you even give two shits about me?"

Rick's eyes narrowed, "Is that what this is really about?"

Daryl turned away again. "What if you don't come back?" He was quieter now. "I don't think I could....without you...." He stopped himself. Losing Merle was bad enough, and he'd half-hated him. Losing Rick.....he couldn't come back from that. He wouldn't want to.

Rick touched Daryl's shoulder and Daryl let him this time. "I'll come back. I promise."

"Can't say that. Can't promise that." Daryl stared at the autumn leaves on the forest floor. Each one was gorgeous. Each one was dead. "I'm coming Rick."

Rick shook his head. He wanted to protect Daryl. He was safest here. "No way." Daryl shrugged his hand away and punched a nearby tree. 

"I'm coming or you aren't going."

He turned to Rick then swiftly raised his crossbow.

Rick felt rage rising inside. He shot daggers at Daryl with his eyes. Very softly and slowly he said, "Daryl, the last man that raised a weapon to me is dead."

Daryl looked like he'd been struck.

Time moved in slow-motion-- Rick yelled out as he saw Daryl's finger squeeze the trigger, and saw the bolt leave the bow. But it merely wizzed by his head. Rick spun around in time to see the bolt strike the walker he hadn't even known was there, just inches behind him. It took a moment to catch his breath. He'd just threatened Daryl, and Daryl had saved his life.

He turned back to him quickly. "Daryl, I'm sorry...." How could he have thought that Daryl would shoot him? "I didn't mean---"

Daryl brushed past him and reached down to yank the bolt out of the walker's eye socket. He wiped it on an already crimson leaf.

"I'm coming."

He turned and walked towards the prison, leaving Rick alone in the clearing, and tried very hard not to think about sharp, shiny edges and warm, smooth skin.

\-----

Daryl strode into the prison in a huff and took the steps two at a time to get to his cell. He slammed the cell door and pulled the curtain. Beth and Maggie exchanged glances. "Uh oh." They knew better than to bother Daryl when he was in one of his moods.

Rick came in soon after, jaw set. He ran his hands through his hair and looked a little lost for a moment. Beth and Maggie stared at him then Beth patted the seat next to her, holding Judith out to him. He smiled and sat down, taking his daughter. Judith cooed at him and batted at his face. 

Maggie peered at his face. "You're cut." She pointed to the side of his neck, just below his ear. Rick reached up to touch it, his hand came away with a little bit of blood. Daryl's bolt had grazed him a bit.

He shrugged. "Just a scratch."

Maggie got a wet rag and some antiseptic and started to clean Rick's neck. "What happened out there? Daryl looked royally pissed."

Rick snorted. "He wants to go with me to Bethesda." He held Judith up in the air and she squealed happily.

"What's wrong with that? We'll be fine, Rick. And you'll need some help out there."

Beth nodded and grinned. "Plus all we need is him pacing around the whole time keeping Judith up and driving us crazy."

Rick was outnumbered and he smiled sadly to himself. He couldn't keep someone safe who didn't want to be safe. And he'd made a big mistake out in the woods. He'd practically said he didn't trust Daryl. Threatened him even. Damn, Lori and Shane had really done something to his ability to trust people. Everywhere he looked he saw betrayal.

He handed Judith back to Beth. "Guess I better tell him then." Maggie pointed upstairs. 

"Be careful up there."

Rick sighed and looked up the stairs. Time for mea culpa.

\------

Rick rapped lightly on the bars to Daryl's cell. "Daryl? Can we talk?"

"Fuck off."

"I'm not leaving till you let me in." He heard Daryl curse under his breath then the squeak of the mattress coils. 

Daryl pulled back the curtain and opened the cell door, then went back to sitting on his bunk, sullenly fiddling with his crossbow. Rick walked in and shut the curtain behind him.

"I'm sorry I threatened you Daryl....I....don't have a good excuse, other than its been hard for me to trust people. Especially those closest to me."

As hurt as he was, Daryl's heart leapt in his chest to hear Rick's sincerity. Those closest to me, he'd said. Outwardly he just shrugged.

"Daryl, I do trust you though. Its just.....not easy for me. But I'm trying, ok?"

"Because of Shane?" Another thing that Shane had messed up for Daryl, even in death. He hated him even more for getting to Rick like this.

Rick nodded. "And Lori too."

Daryl snorted. "But mostly Shane." Rick fell very quiet. He saw clearly how jealous Daryl had been of Shane, still was somehow. He wished now he hadn't admitted to wanting Shane, but that had just slipped out. He squatted next to Daryl and put a hand on his crossbow, making Daryl look up.

"Daryl, Shane's dead."

"Yeah, ya told me." 

"And you're alive, here with me." Rick sat next to him on the bunk. "I want you to come with me. I want you there with me."

Daryl looked down but nodded. He waited a moment then looked over at Rick. "I want to be..."

Rick smiled a little. "We'll get ready for the trip today and leave in the morning. No sense in waiting." He stood up.

"Rick."

"Yes?"

"I'm not a fuckin' toy."

Rick gave Daryl a hard look. "I warned you to walk away from me that night. I tried to tell you."

Daryl gave a sad sigh. "I know. But I didn't did I?"

"Do you want to now?"

Daryl thought about the last time Rick asked him that question. He'd been holding Daryl's switchblade, asking if he wanted to cut himself. He hadn't then, it would have been too humiliating. But ironically, he did now, and couldn't.

He looked at Rick a long time. 

"I can't."


	10. The Games We Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl leave the prison, Daryl attempts to seduce Rick but turnaround is fair play.

That night, Daryl gazed up at the top of his bunk for what he hoped wouldn't be the last time. Over their time here, he'd etched star constellations on the bottom of the top bunk so when he looked up at night it was almost like being under stars. Ursa major the bear, Orion the hunter, Sagittarius the archer, Gemini the twins, Libra the scales of judgement....scratched during hours of insomnia and loneliness. Growing up wild, out in the country, he'd used these patterns to tell him which way to go, where to run. Each one was like an old friend. Tonight they couldn't tell him anything.

He and Rick had already packed the fuel-efficient Jetta with their supplies and ammo, extra gas cans, a tent, and of course the briefcase. Everyone had cheerfully helped them and chewed his ear off with loads of advice like he hadn't been battling this shit right along with them the whole time. He was going to miss every last one of them though. And he'd promised Carl that he would protect his Dad and bring him back home safe no matter what. He was gonna keep that promise even if he had to stare down Lucifer himself.

Now, alone and untired once again, thoughts of Rick clouded in. Sure, he was still fuckin' pissed at Rick's easy dismissal of Daryl last night and then his threat in the woods. The way he'd turned to ice in an instant when he thought Daryl was raising his bow to him. The way he thought that anything could be mended by saying "I'm sorry" and showing a micron of warmth.

He yearned for him anyway. It was all he could do to stop himself from walking out that door and into Rick's cell, and doing anything, _anyfuckingthing_ that Rick wanted. And he hated himself for it.

_Shane was never so weak. That was the type of person Rick really wanted. The type he could care about. Someone confident, fearless, strong. I am none of those things._

He'd told Rick he wasn't a toy, something to be carelessly played with and thrown away. But he **did** want to be Rick's toy. He'd rather be that than what he'd been before. Nothing. An empty void.

 _I want to be Rick's anything_.

Weak or not, he had just enough pride to stay put, imagining the stars he might see future nights on the road and tracing his fingers over scars he'd made in wood. He touched the cut on his chest, Rick's cut. Rick may get tired of him, but he had this forever.

\-------

Rick wasn't tired. He lay awake in his bunk, making peace with leaving the prison and starting out on an errand of either salvation or folly.

He'd stayed up saying his goodbyes to Carl and Judith, challenging Carl to a game of chess while Judith slept in his arms. He'd been teaching Carl chess since they'd found an old carved set in the prison library. Rick's dad had taught him and he'd felt compelled to pass that knowledge on to his son. Actually, Carl was a quick study and was already giving Rick a run for his money most nights.

Carl said Rick had to come back soon so he could finally beat him. The memory made Rick happy, sad, and scared.

He was glad that Daryl was coming after all. There wasn't anyone else he'd rather have watching his back, and that incident with the walker today proved he really did need his back watched. But he'd felt uneasy when Daryl had bluntly asked him if he "gave two shits" about him, and then told him he was not a toy. Made him feel like he was treading a similar path as he had with Lori. That didn't end well.

She'd asked him for emotions he didn't have. He couldn't give her what he didn't have in him. Love. Rick had....never truly felt that for anyone but Carl and Judith. 

Rick decided then and there to cut this shit out with Daryl right now. They weren't so far yet that they couldn't salvage their friendship. He **did** give two shits about Daryl. He actually cared more than he was even willing to admit to himself. And right now the kindest thing he could do for Daryl was to stop him from losing himself. Like Lori did.

He just hoped he could keep his resolve. Right now he just wanted to slip into Daryl's cell and show him how much fun being a toy could be.

The unfolded map he'd been studying made it clear they had a long trek ahead, almost 700 miles. He'd marked off roads and places they could stop, but really, what lay ahead was a vast unknown. He folded it back up with a sigh and dropped it into the satchel. His hand brushed something cold and metal-- the watch. He picked it up.

It was the one useful thing the previous owner had left in there. It was a waterproof digital watch with quite a few bells and whistles. A compass. Elevation sensor. He'd actually only just found out it was the end of October by checking the date on it. He was gonna give it to Carl, but now he thought he should give it to Daryl, to make peace. Might come in useful as a hunter. He put it on top of his clothes so he wouldn't forget to do that tomorrow.

\---------

Everyone was awake to see them off in the morning. There were a few tears but hope overrode it all. Rick and Daryl told Glen how to get back to the camp in case they needed more food or meds while they were away.

As the prison faded from view in the rearview mirror of the Jetta, Rick handed the map to Daryl and reset the trip odometer.

"I traced the shortest route to Bethesda in red there, although we'll just have to see how it goes and wing it. We'll have to stay off the highway at first to avoid Atlanta."

Daryl unfolded it and looked it over. "Always wanted to take a roadtrip. Never been outta this county. Merle'd always talk big that we were gonna drive motorcycles out west when I was a kid, but he just hit the road himself instead."

"Well, now you get to."

"Hmph. Not exactly how I'd envisioned it. Most of what Merle and I planned involved getting shitfaced at the end of it."

Rick smiled and reached into his pocket and took out the digital watch and held it out to Daryl, keeping his eyes on the road. He guessed this was as good a time as any to try to patch things up. "Here. For you."

Daryl took the watch and held it like it was made of glass. He looked at Rick suspiciously. "What's this?"

"Um…a watch? And a pretty useful one too. Least till the batteries give out. I just wanted to say....well, I'm just sorry for what happened in the woods." This was harder than Rick had thought.

Daryl just stared at the watch so Rick went on. "I found it in the satchel. I guess....it really wasn't mine to give but..."

"Finders keepers, right?" Daryl's voice was soft, flat. He didn't look at Rick.

Rick stopped talking when he said that. He'd said that to Daryl when he stole his whiskey bottle back at the camp, during Rick's "game." 

"Nobody ever given me a present before, just to say sorry." Daryl slid the watch on his wrist and closed the clasp.

"Well I am.....for everything."

"Everything….?"

"I should have never….Daryl, I shoulda stopped you, stopped myself and walked away. I know what I am Daryl, and I don't want to see it wreck you like Lori. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

Daryl fiddled with the watch, looking down.

"Well, I can't take it then."

"Why not?"

He looked over at Rick. "Cause I ain't sorry."

Rick sighed. Daryl wasn't making this easy. "I can't give you what you want Daryl."

Daryl looked out the open window, the trees rolling by blurring into each other, the never-ending road. "How do you know what I want?"

Rick gripped the steering wheel hard in frustration. "I can't love you."

"So? No one else ever did either." Bitterness was in his voice, and sadness.

Rick stayed quiet as they drove on, the world bending around them, isolated as islands.

\------

They stopped quite a few times on the road that day, once to clear some fallen trees, three times to siphon gas and check some abandoned cars. They were able to avoid most of the walkers on the road, but once they'd had to lure a herd away using Daryl as a decoy. He then ran back to the car, jumped in and they'd sped away. It was slow going because they'd had to avoid Atlanta, but overall a pretty lucky day. When night came and the visibility was worse, they'd had a tougher time driving safely and finally pulled over at an overgrown gas station to camp for the night. Rick checked the odometer and they'd gone about 160 miles. 160 miles closer to hope, but 160 miles further from Carl and Judith.

Behind the station was a mechanic's garage with a few roaming walkers nearby. "Let's get these walkers outta here and we can close the garage door and be pretty safe in here."

Daryl nodded and grabbed his crossbow. Rick turned off the headlights and drove into the garage in the near dark, but the walkers followed the sound. Rick unsheathed his knife and grabbed his gun. They both hopped out of the car and quickly dispatched the 3 walkers there then scouted the perimeter. Two stragglers met two bolts from Daryl's cross bow.

They closed the heavy rolling door to the garage and secured it with some rope, then stretched some sleeping bags they'd picked up at the camp next to the electric lantern. Rick grabbed some rations from the car and tossed one to Daryl. They ate quietly, tired from the day's drive but happy to be alive.

"Where are we, you think?"

Rick checked the map. "Somewhere on the Georgia-South Carolina border. Here, I think." He point to a spot near a town called Anderson. "Tomorrow we should check out the highway and see if its drivable. Faster going."

Daryl finished eating and reached into his bag. He brought out a few boxes of ammo and held them out to Rick. "Meant to give these to you before but I forgot."

Rick took them; they were .44 magnum bullets. He looked at Daryl quizzically.

"They're for the gun I gave you. The Desert Eagle."

Rick had nearly forgotten about that gun. He took it out of his pack and loaded up the clip. "From the camp?" Daryl nodded.

"Thanks."

Daryl grunted and took off his shoes, then sat down on his sleeping bag. He watched Rick load the gun and then turn it over in his hands, just gazing at its shiny metal.

Rick looked up at Daryl. "Guess you gave me a present before I gave you one. Never thanked you for it." He made sure the safety was on, then laid the gun beside him. Holding it reminded him too much of what happened on the dining room table of that house. Of pressing it against the soft skin of Daryl's neck and making him spill his secrets.

Daryl looked him in the eyes. "So thank me for it."

"Thanks."

God Rick was dense. "Not what I meant." He sat up on his knees and unbuttoned the top button of his jeans. He touched his stiffening cock through his pants and gave Rick a smoldering look.

Rick felt his pulse quicken. Was Daryl trying to seduce him, even after what he'd admitted in the car? He felt himself getting hard too and got up and walked to the other side of the garage, leaning one hand against the wall, faceing away from Daryl. "No. We can't. **I** can't." This was torture- locked inside the garage together, there was nowhere to really get away.

Daryl stood and walked up behind Rick. He snaked his hands up under Ricks shirt and reached around him to run them over Rick's chest, his mouth lightly biting the back and side of Rick's neck. Rick inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to control himself but not wanting Daryl to stop either. He whispered, eyes closed, "Daryl….stop." Daryl pressed himself against Rick's back in response, and Rick could feel how hard he was. He tilted his head back slightly, letting Daryl lick and suck his neck and earlobe.

"What's this?" Daryl licked the scratch below Rick's ear from where the crossbow bolt had grazed him.

Rick struggled to respond as Daryl's fingers brushed over his nipples and squeezed them. "Your fucking crossbow nicked me."

Daryl's left hand followed Rick's abs down, down into his pants and his fingertips brushed against the head of Rick's cock, making Rick shudder. "You mean when I was saving your life?" His breath was hot on Rick's neck, his fingers just lightly touching Rick's skin. "You didn't thank me fer that neither, y'know." 

"I'm trying to….GOD, I'm FUCKING TRYING to do right by you Daryl." Rick felt his better angels couldn't withstand much more of this.

"Stop trying so hard." Daryl lightly stroked underneath Rick's cock, making him exhale hard through his teeth. Rick's hand leaning against the wall clenched into a fist. Daryl whispered into Rick's ear, "I'll be your toy Rick." He pulled his hand out of Rick's pants and started unbuttoning them, biting Rick's shoulder hard and pressing his cock against his ass. "I'll be anything you want."

Rick's let his head fall down against the wall in front of him, panting. "Daryl, please… just...stop this. I can't fight you…but… I'll hate myself if I…"

Daryl had Rick's pants unzipped and silenced him by giving his cock a few firm strokes. Rick inhaled raggedly, "Fuck…" but didn't move to stop him. He felt anger rising inside- why wouldn't Daryl just fucking back off already? Didn't he know pushing Rick like this was playing with fire? 

Daryl whispered in his ear again while stroking him, "Shhhhhh, just pretend I'm Shane, that's what you really want isn't it……" Daryl's lust was winning against his jealousy, he just wanted Rick that bad.

But that finally did it for Rick. He pushed off the wall and whirled around to face Daryl, his eyes full of angry lust. He grabbed the front of Daryl's shirt and threw him against the wall. He hissed, "You think I want Shane? I fucking STABBED Shane! I ENDED Shane."

This was a revelation to Daryl. He'd never known what really happened with Shane, never cared, never asked. He'd just been glad the man was dead. But finding out Rick had killed him… it excited him. Rick was more dangerous than he'd thought.

"Why Rick…..what did Shane do?" He felt both frightened and so, so aroused. Rick was terrifying when enraged but the intensity of his emotion was an aphrodisiac to Daryl. 

Rick released Daryl's shirt and slammed his body against him roughly, palms against the wall, pinning him between the wall and his hard cock. "He didn't want me…..he wanted that lying whore Lori. And he was going to kill me."

Daryl's eyes went wide. So this was what Rick was trying to protect him from, why he had been restraining himself. Was he afraid of what he might do to Daryl? "I want YOU Rick." He grabbed Rick's waist and pulled him in more, trying to kiss him but Rick turned his head away.

Rick spat, "You want _this_? How? Why aren't you afraid of me like Lori was?"

"I've seen worse, grew up with worse. There's nothing you could do to me that hasn't already been done." 

Rick leaned in harder, his forehead against the wall, and whispered, "I could kill you." His own words chilled his blood.

It seemed like time stood still. 

Daryl let his head fall forward onto Rick's shoulder. "Ain't afraid of dyin'. And ain't afraid you'll kill me." 

Rick paused, his anger fading in an instant. He understood Daryl a little more now. Finally he whispered, "What did they do to you."

Daryl's hands stilled on Rick's body and he stiffened beneath Rick. Could he trust Rick with his deepest scars? The ones not on his body but on his soul?

"Tell me."

Daryl couldn't say no.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we find out what made Daryl the way he is! Hope you are all enjoying the story so far. :)


	11. Ash to Ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl finally tells Rick the stories behind his scars. Rick makes a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: describes Daryl's past abuse, may be a trigger.

"Don't know if I can…."

Rick pulled his head up and gazed at Daryl for a moment. "I thought you weren't afraid."

It was a dirty thing to say, using Daryl's words against him. God but Rick could be manipulative. "I'm only afraid of what you will think of me." He stared at his feet.

Rick lifted Daryl's chin so their eyes met again. "You can trust me." Daryl sighed and nodded. Rick sat down, dragging Daryl to the floor with him. Daryl sat down with his back against the wall; Rick sat in-between his legs so they were extremely close, face to face. Daryl closed his eyes, took a deep breath and starting telling Rick what he'd never told a soul.

"My mom and dad never wanted no kids, but somehow ended up with two. I guess they never really wanted each other either, since they never got married. I loved my mom though. My earliest memory of her was when I was three or four, and she was passed out drunk in the bathtub and kept sliding down under the water. It terrified me because I would scream and scream at her to wake up. I was in the tub with my clothes totally soaked, but she was too fucked up to hear me. And every time she'd slide under the water, Merle would just laugh his ass off at her as she sputtered and tried to breathe. He was 5 years older that I was, and coulda helped her, coulda let the water out, but instead just lost it every time I'd try to lift her head out of the water so she could get some air. He told me to let her die." 

"I stayed in the tub with her for hours, just holding her head up till the the water got so cold I was shakin'. Our shack never had no heat cause the power would just get turned off again. Eventually she opened her eyes, and I swear Rick, that must've been the happiest moment of my life up to then, just to see that she really woke up and I had saved her. But when her eyes focused on me, she cracked me hard across the face, so hard I fell back and hit my head on the tub and bust it open. Blood turned that cold bathwater red. She stood up, grabbed me and threw me onto the bathroom floor. She was crying, sobbing really, saying over and over 'Why didn't you just let me die?' Merle was there and just said 'See? I told ya.' She headed straight for the whiskey again and Merle had to clean me up and get the bleeding to stop."

Daryl turned his head to the side and lifted up some of his dark hair, revealing a long scar hidden there. 

"Eventually, she packed up and left us all while my dad was on a bender and I never heard nothing from her again. Not birthdays, not Christmas, nothing. For years I hoped that one day the phone would ring and it would be her, and she was well again and was going to take me and Merle away. But that never fuckin' happened. Then I just hoped that she really was dead." His voice sounded hard, bitter.

"Looking back, I can't blame her for wantin' to put the whole world between her and my dad. My mom was fucked up but my dad was just plain evil. Before she left, he'd beat her 'bout every night over nothing at all. Just 'cause he was drunk and angry at the world. Angry 'cause we was poor, angry 'cause me and Merle were there, angry 'cause he was too much of a coward to even try to off himself like my mom did. He rarely had a job, but when he did, things were a bit better. He was out of the house and a little money was coming in, whatever he wouldn't piss away at the shit bar in town. But when he came back home at night, sometimes he'd come in our room, mine and Merle's, and just drag us out of bed and into the living room. He'd make us watch as he beat the living shit out of my mom and then make her watch as he did the same to us."

"One night he kicked me so hard, one of my ribs broke and the jagged edge was poking out of the skin. Mom my started screaming bloody murder and that actually had make my dad stop and look at me, really see me. I was having trouble breathing, I think i might've had a punctured lung or something, and Merle was standing over me trying to keep my dad away. Merle actually tried to fight my dad that night, but he just left in his pickup and we didn't see him again for four days. By then, my mom had taken me to the ER and told them a horse had kicked me. They were able to reset the bone but I was in a tight brace for months before it healed, and hurt like shit the whole time. He didn't touch me then at least."

He unbuttoned his shirt and pointed to a puncture wound above his bottom right ribs. Rick just stared, inwardly horrified.

"When my mom left, Merle was about 12, I was 7. By then school had become my safe place and I was lucky to have a few good teachers who made sure I got something to eat and books to read. I think they suspected something' but they never did nothing. I guess I didn't really expect them to put their ass on the line for me anyway. My dad had taken to beating us with a belt instead of straight beatin' us, guess there was less chance of broken bones then. But it hurt just as bad cause he was a strong motherfucker. A few times he used a cattle whip on us when he was really blitzed. Merle and I would sleep out in the woods sometimes if it was warm. We'd pretend we was just camping and try to forget him and have fun. We learned a lot out there, how to hunt, fish, track stuff, use the stars to find our way. We'd come home after being gone for days and our old man never even knew we was gone."

He shrugged his shirt off completely and turned around so his back was facing Rick. It was a network of crisscrossed scars, one overlapping another. Some had obviously been deep bites into Daryl's flesh. He turned back around and avoided meeting Rick's eyes.

Daryl leaned back against the wall and motioned to the many other scars on his chest. "Explaining every one of these would take all night. But the ones I didn't make myself all came from the same place, well…. the same person." He sighed deeply, like these were the hardest ones to tell about. Rick reached out and put his hand on Daryl's knee.

"Its okay if you want to stop."

Daryl looked up, fighting back emotion. "No, I want to. Its just fuckin' hard." Rick nodded.

"This was the first one he gave me." Daryl pointed to a long diagonal scar that ran between his pectoral muscles. "His name was….well, I called him…. Ash." It seemed to Rick that just saying the name was an enormous effort for Daryl.

"Merle left town as soon as he hit eighteen and never looked back. I was 13 and mad as hell at him for leaving me there, like my mom left. I begged him to take me with him but what was he gonna do with a kid? Anyway, he couldn't 'cause he was going to go join the Marines and see the world he said. But there was one friend of Merle's that kept coming around even after Merle left- Ash. Merle's best friend." 

"At first I'd thought he was a pretty cool guy. He had let me tag along when he and Merle were into some shit, which was always. He was the one who taught me to shoot a crossbow and to make traps. We'd go fishing sometimes just to get the hell away from everything. Go swimming in the lake, steal watermelons from old man Jones' farm. And pretty soon he became my best friend, even though he was so much older. I idolized the kid. He was super strong, the girls went crazy for him, and he seemed to know how to do everything."

"He worked on his old man's farm and they weren't bad off, not near so much as we were. He'd invite me over for dinner near every night. And I always went 'cause I hated to be alone at my dad's and I missed Merle like hell. Yeah….I thought Ash was pretty great."

Daryl exhaled hard, his eyes were a little red. Rick could feel how tense he was under his hand. He squeezed Daryl's knee reassuringly and Daryl looked up and gave him a sad smile before continuing.

"Ash lived in this loft type thing above their barn, away from the main house. He had a band and they would practice there in the barn, so there were always people there partying, and I just ate it all up. No one gave Ash shit about hanging out with me, guess they didn't want to piss him off cause he was the one everyone loved. It was like I was their adopted little brother and I finally felt happy there. I started staying over nights in the barn with Ash, just to not be at home, y'know? The band would practice, we'd all party, and everyone would go home but me and Ash."

"One night I had gotten pretty wasted with the band and had passed out upstairs. But something woke me, and when I tried to get up I couldn't fuckin' move my arms or legs. I was tied at the wrists and ankles to Ash's bed. Ash was there standing over me with a knife and at first I thought it was a joke. But I realized pretty quick I was naked, he was naked, and it was no joke."

"I….screamed for help but the barn was too far from the house for anyone to hear. Ash was just looking down at me while I struggled, totally fuckin' confused. I asked him why he was doing this, I thought we were friends! I remember he just said, 'We are friends Daryl. Best friends.' He climbed on top of me and just started….kissing me. I was just so goddam thrown, I just stopped struggling and was like in shock or something. If I had been honest with myself I think…..yeah I definitely did have feelings for him. I mean, he was the one that saved me when my mom left me, Merle left me, my dad hated my guts. My life had been so empty before Ash. But I knew that this felt very wrong. Not like it was supposed to be losing your virginity."

"That night Ash….raped me. But I felt so confused because he was kissing me and he…..made me cum so hard." Daryl blushed deeply and looked away from Rick. "I didn't want to but…..I did. And right before he came inside me, he cut me from here to here." Daryl traced the diagonal scar on his chest. "Something about the pain….it was weird, I actually didn't mind when Ash did it. It was like he was marking me as his or something. He cut me free and held me as I cried like a baby. I told him I hated him but he just cleaned me up with a towel and told me he loved me. Nobody, _nofuckingbody_ , had ever said that to me Rick. Ever. I stopped crying then and looked at him, and it actually seemed like he meant it. He kissed me again and held me as I fell asleep the most confused I'd ever been and not knowing whether to run away or not. Where would I go?"

"In the morning, he didn't even seem a bit worried I would tell anyone. I mean, who would I tell? Nobody woulda listened to me. Cops didn't care. I had no one at home. Ash was my only real friend. And above all, I didn't want to lose Ash. Things went pretty much on like before. I went to school, hung out with him and the band, and sometimes we'd have sex when he wanted it, always when he wanted it. Sometimes he'd cut me like the first time, sometimes he didn't. But he always told me he loved me, that I was his best friend. I guess that went on for about two years. Still kinda amazed that no one noticed, or cared, but whatever. I'd hide the cuts and try not to think about them."

"One day I came over to Ash's after school and was really shocked to see him packing up all his shit. Turns out his band actually got signed and they were all going to Atlanta. I was fuckin' thrilled- finally, we could get out of that shit hole town. But the look on his face said that I wasn't coming. Man, that about killed me right there. He didn't even try to explain or make me feel better like Merle did. He just walked away and left me. That was….that was the first day I cut myself. I used it as an escape, to just fade away and not feel." 

Daryl looked up at Rick and there were tears streaming down his face. "God Rick, I loved him. I hated him but I loved him."

For once, Rick was actually speechless. Every person who had meant something to Daryl had hurt him in unimaginable ways or left him. His mom, dad, Merle, this Ash…..and now Rick. It hit him then what cutting Daryl must have actually meant to him, what awful memories it must have triggered. He'd never felt worse about himself in his life. He was just one more person in a long line of Daryl's abusers.

 "So there's your answer Rick." Daryl tried to give a small smile through the tears. "That's what they did to me." 

Rick was struggling for words, none came. He reached out and touched Daryl's face, brushing away a tear.

"Say something dammit. I just talked more than I probably had in a year." Daryl tried to laugh but failed.

Rick leaned forward and wrapped one arm around Daryl's waist and another around his neck, and just held him close. "Daryl, I'm so sorry….so sorry for all of it." He squeezed Daryl tighter when he felt his body break into a small sob and stroked his back softly. Daryl pulled back slightly to look at Rick, his soul so completely open to him, raw like a wound after a scab's pulled off. Rick brushed Daryl's dark hair away from his face and kissed him, not roughly like he had before, but softly, stroking Daryl's hair. He felt the wetness of Daryl's tears against his own face. He pulled back and looked into Daryl's eyes. 

"Daryl, I promise you that when this is all over, we're going to go find Ash and your dad and if they are still alive…….. I'm gonna fuckin' gut them."

Daryl smiled through the tears, and in that moment Rick thought he was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. 

"Hell ya."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Future side-story fic alert = Rick and Daryl later track down his abusers and take em' out! :D That would feel really satisfying to write after this chapter. I felt so sorry for D by the end of it. But I felt that R really needed to hear his story and realize the role he was playing in D's life.


	12. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys scout the highway and find a bridge over troubled waters.

"Merle would kick my ass if he saw me blubberin' here like a wuss." Daryl was able to laugh a little at the situation, how silly he must look. His eyes were drying as he sat with Rick in the near-dark of the locked garage, and he ran his hands through his hair nervously. It had felt good to finally tell someone the whole goddam sordid tale, hard as it was to get out. It felt like it had less power over him now, and all the ghosts of his past seemed to fade just a bit. Hell, Rick looked worse off than he did, or how he felt at least. 

"Daryl, you are **not** a wuss. You're....the strongest person I know."

Daryl snorted and leaned back against the wall. "Well I guess it takes something to keep on coming back for more shit, huh."

Rick was quiet a awhile, then said, "When Shane got me out there in the woods alone, and it finally dawned on me he was gonna kill me over Lori....I almost let him. I mean, I almost just gave up living at that point. It wasn't till he said something to me that really, I guess, made me mad enough to fight back."

"What'd he say?"

"That he was a better father than I was. That he was the better man." Rick still felt an empty ache when he thought of it. "I was mad 'cause he was right."

"He wasn't." Daryl meant it.

"How can you say that after what you know about me? And after I.....after I cut you...."

"Hell, I asked you to do that, didn't I?" Rick wouldn't look at him. " _Didn't I_?"

"And what you saw me do before that."

"Rick, look at me." He met Daryl's eyes. Daryl reached out and took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "What makes a person bad or good doesn't come down to a single action, a single mistake. Its a helluva lot more than that. You've saved the lives of all those people at the prison, mine too, every day. I've seen you move mountains for Carl, do anything for him when he was hurt or needed help. You kept a cool head when everyone was ready to give up and die. And what about here, now, risking your life to try for the hope of a cure?"

"I want to be the man you think I am Daryl."

"So do it."

Rick gave him a half-smile. "I'm gonna try like hell."

\--------

The next morning they left the car in the garage and decided to go scout the highway. If it was relatively clear, they could travel a lot faster and more directly than the back roads they'd been on. Rick had felt a bit uneasy about leaving the car and their stuff, but they'd tried to obscure the garage door with junk and make it look like they'd never been there. Nobody had been there in a long, long time so Rick hoped nobody was gonna pick today to break that streak.

They'd traveled close to I-85 all this way so were only about a mile from the exit to the highway. Rick checked the map, and Daryl got to use his watch as a compass and tried not to act impressed.

Rick pointed. "Let's head up to that walkway on the onramp bridge, its a bit higher, should give us a vantage point." Daryl nodded. Up on the bridge, I-80 stretched northeast to the horizon, the dawning sun just behind. There were quite a few crashed cars but most had already been pushed off the road. The ones still there looked like they could be avoided without much trouble.

Daryl squinted into the sun. "I don't like it."

"What?"

"Out here we're in the wide open. No place to hide or get away if a shitstorm starts."

"We'll make better time here, I-85 goes right into Bethesda." Daryl was right though. A moving car amid all this would be easy to spot. Rick pointed out a walker approaching them on the bridge and Daryl put a bolt through it skull. 

He walked over to yank out the bolt, but as he bent over, a gunshot rang out and a bullet sped past his head.

Rick yelled, "Get down!" They both hit the concrete and crawled to the edge of the bridge. Rick peeked over while grabbing his Desert Eagle. Daryl reloaded his bow, hunched down for cover. A couple more shots rang out. "Fuck! Somebody's down there in the highway. I didn't see 'em but I'd guess they're behind that wrecked truck." 

"We've got the high ground up here. Give 'em a taste of that Eagle."

Rick switched off the safety and got ready to shoot. He edged up just over the concrete lip and unloaded at the truck, busting out all its glass. Out of the corner of his eye, Rick saw a figure in black dart from behind the truck and shoot back. He hit the ground again.

"They've got a lot of cover down there. Not easy to see 'em."

"Well, they can't hide from this." Daryl reached in his bag and pulled out a grenade with a grin.

"God bless the army." A couple more shots grazed the concrete and they scooted down further.

Daryl peered just high enough above the ledge to catch a glimpse of the figure then pulled the grenade's pin and lobbed it over the ledge. They heard a startled yell and then a giant explosion rocked the bridge, car pieces thrown up into the air. Then silence, no shots. They waited a few minutes, listening.

Daryl looked again- just a hole where the truck had been. "Think I got 'em?"

"Only one way to know."

They cautiously made their way down to the hole in the highway, weapons up, looking all around. They heard a low groan and turned. A man a bit younger than Rick was bleeding bad from a stomach wound in the ditch by the highway. Daryl kicked the man's gun away as they approached.

"Why'd you shoot at us?"

The man looked up. He was obviously half-starved, and filthy. "Just kill me an' get it over with."

Rick raised his Eagle. "I will, but first you tell us why you shot."

The man moaned, then "Thought you was one of them....them cannibals around here." 

Rick and Daryl exchanged looks. "Cannibals?"

"Don't let me turn inta one of them things!" 

Rick crouched down by him. "I won't let that happen. Where are the cannibals?"

The man's eyes were becoming unfocused, Rick slapped his face lightly to get him to look at them again. "Where are they?"

"East." The man's last breath came in a rattle. He was dead.

Rick looked east, where they were headed. He took out his knife and stabbed it into the man's temple then stood up.

"Let's go back to the car. We'll stay off the highway."

\------------

The car was untouched at least, and they headed back out on the twisty backroads slowly winding northeast to the coast. It was slow, but it felt safer after what the man had told them. Rick was reminded that desperation did terrible things to people, and apparently some of those people were nearby.

They got about 150 more miles that day before they had to stop for food and sleep. The road had come up to a covered bridge over a river and it felt a good a place as any to stop for the night. They were far from the highway now and hadn't even seen a single walker for the last hour. They pulled the car up under the bridge and used some fallen logs to make a crude barricade at both ends. Might keep walkers out but not much else. Rick hoped it would get them through the night though.

Daryl walked down to the river and drank deeply. The stars were out tonight brightly, peeking through the trees. He made out Orion and the North Star. It felt comforting to see them again.

Rick walked down to the riverbank to drink too then sat down beside Daryl. "How 'bout a swim?" He grabbed a bar of soap out of his bag.

Daryl looked at him smirking, "It's nearly November. You'll freeze your balls off."

"Suit yourself." Rick got undressed under Daryl's stare and dove in. It was surprisingly warm for the season and felt amazing. He swam out a little. "Its not bad, come on!" He called back to Daryl and playfully splashed him.

"Pffffft, I might as well seeing I got half the river on me now." He stood up and Rick watched him from the water as he unbuttoned his shirt and pants. The water rushing around Rick's body felt like a thousand fingers touching him all over. He wanted Daryl's naked body against him in the river, but checked himself not to make a move.

Daryl hesitated at the water's edge but then plunged in, submerging himself. He swam over to Rick and splashed him back, then grabbed the soap and rubbed it in his hands. He reached out and began to wash the caked dust and dirt of Rick's chest and face. "Now I know why you're called Rick Grimes."

"What?! Did Daryl Dixon just make a joke?"

"I got one or two in me. Just savin' em for the right moment." Daryl was trying not to laugh. Rick grabbed the soap back.

Rick smiled and rinsed off the soap then scrubbed his hair clean too. Then he lathered up his hands, "Your turn."

Daryl stepped closer to Rick so they were almost touching. Rick ran his soapy hands over Daryl's scarred chest and down his muscular arms, then stepped behind him to get his shoulders and back. He rubbed Daryl's shoulders and Daryl leaned into it, "Ugh yeah the muscles there ache like a bitch." Rick deeply massaged the muscles of his back until the knots were finally gone. "Better?"

Daryl turned around to face Rick, "Much." That was the first time anyone had ever given Daryl a back massage- now he understood what all the fuss was about. Rick's touch had left him relaxed and aroused, that familiar tight feeling in his guts. Standing naked so close to Rick, it was impossible for him to hide that he was rock hard.

It was quiet here, only the sound of the river rushing over rocks. He reached out for Rick and grabbed his ass, pulling him closer. He could tell Rick was hard too, but he wasn't grabbing Daryl back. Daryl leaned in to kiss and suck Rick's neck, "What's wrong, don't you want me?" He felt for Rick's hard cock. "I think you do....."

"I do Daryl....I'm just, not sure if this is good for you."

"Stop treating me like I'm fucking made of glass. I can tell you, show you what I want." He stroked Rick and bit him hard on the shoulder.

That was all the permission Rick needed. He grabbed Daryl's face and kissed him hard in the river, Daryl's tongue meeting his with equal force. He lifted Daryl up out of the water a bit and Daryl wrapped his legs around his waist as their mouths were locked together. Rick positioned his cock beneath Daryl's entrance and Daryl felt it and moaned into his mouth and nodded slightly. He brought Daryl down on his cock slowly, his hands beneath Daryl's ass, holding him up in the water. Daryl was clinging to him like his life depended on it.

When Rick's cock entered him, he felt like he'd split in two. He broke the kiss, "Yesssss, now fuck me Rick." Rick started moving Daryl up and down on his cock, finally being able to be where he'd been dreaming about since they left the prison. Daryl was so fucking tight and warm, it took nearly all Rick's concentration not to cum right then. He leaned his head back as Daryl half-rode him, one fist knotted in Rick's hair. "Shit...you feel so good....so good."

Rick sped up his pace and Daryl moaned into his ear. "No one ever... fucked me so good as you. I could cum just from this. Make me do it Rick...make me cum." Rick found Daryl's mouth again and devoured him, slamming his body down on Rick's cock again and again. Daryl grabbed him tighter, Rick felt they were both so close, right on the edge.

He couldn't hold back any longer. He broke the kiss and bit Daryl hard on the neck right as he shot his load into him. Daryl felt Rick cumming and lost it himself when Rick bit him, spurting between their bodies and into the water. He gasped and pressed himself against Rick's stomach, Rick's mouth still at his neck, and just let the pleasure wash over him like the river.

Finally Rick raised his head and lowered Daryl back down into the water and off of him. "Christ...." was all he could say. Daryl didn't let go though, and for a few minutes they just panted together under the stars, coming down.

Daryl looked up and smiled at Rick. "I think we lost the soap."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daryl made two jokes! :D  
> Maybe he can get Rick to lighten up now that they've broken through some barriers.


	13. The Evil Men Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick follow a caravan to a secluded compound and make plans to balance the scales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit! 500 Kudos! I'm so happy and honored everyone. Thank you for reading, really, thank you. *sniff*

They slept in shifts in the tent under the bridge, next to the car. Neither had heard or seen much of anything all night, just the forlorn hooting of an owl and the constant rushing of the water below them. But just before dawn, Rick awoke with a start to the faint sound of a distant horn, long and low. Not a car horn, but like the sound a ram's horn might make if you blew through it. He sat up quickly and looked for Daryl.

Daryl was standing just outside the bridge, turned in the direction of the sound. Rick got up and walked over to him. They stood motionless as the horn sounded again. "What is hell is that?" Rick whispered. Daryl shook his head. "First thing I heard all night. Its a long way off but I don't wanna stick around to find out who's blowin' it."

"How far off?"

Daryl shrugged. "Can't say. I think its a fog horn. Those things can travel for miles and miles. Its coming from the east though."

"Let's pack up and get the hell outta here."

"Don't gotta tell me twice."

They threw all their stuff back into the Jetta and moved the barricade from the front of the bridge so they could drive out. Rick marked the place on the map in red in case they needed to stop on the way back, but then drew a question mark next to it. He wasn't sure he wanted to come back here.

\-------

The bad thing about traveling the back roads was there were a lot fewer cars to siphon gas from. They'd been lucky so far and had been able to load up on gas, filling their empty cans, when they had scouted the highway yesterday. But that was only gonna get them through today. They needed to veer closer to the highway and hope they started seeing some cars again. It was riskier, but they didn't have much choice. It was either that or walk the rest of the way to the NIH.

They avoided the city of Charlotte, North Carolina by a wide berth as they had Atlanta and were winding through more rural areas of the state. By about midday, Rick could tell they were getting closer to the highway because they started seeing walkers again. Just a few at first, one or two roaming the road, then they'd had to practically plow through a herd milling in the main square of some ghost town. They were both getting nervous-- only about 1/4 of a tank left and the last two cars they'd seen had had nothing but vapors. And it didn't help that every now and then they'd heard that eerie horn in the distance, closer each time. It was like something was waiting for them, signaling to them, whatever it was.

With less than 1/8 of a tank and not much daylight left, they finally pulled up close to another onramp and breathed a sigh of relief at the dozens of cars ahead. There had been a major accident here. A semi had jack-knifed in the road, blocking it and causing smaller vehicles to pile up around it, some were flipped or on their side. Their stopped Jetta just looked like another one of many here. Good camouflage while they scavenged for gas. A few walkers paced the highway but there was no herd at least.

Rick looked over at Daryl. "Let's keep real low behind the cars, I don't wanna another incident like before. Might not be so lucky this time." Daryl nodded and slung his crossbow over his shoulder and grabbed an empty gas can and their jerryrigged hand pump-siphon from the backseat. They opened the car doors quietly and snuck around the other cars there.

Rick kept an eye out while Daryl pumped gas out of the wrecked cars' tanks and unloaded it back into the Jetta's tank. He hadn't heard the horn in hours and had nearly forgotten about it when it blared loudly nearby. They both froze. It sounded like it was nearly on top of them, just behind them and very, very close. Rick whipped around to Daryl. "Hide! Over there in the trees by the road!" They both ran silently for the cover of the dense forest flanking the road and hit the dirt, peering from behind the trees. Neither barely breathed as they watched the road.

They started to hear the loud grumble of motorcycles, Harleys if Daryl's ear wasn't lying to him. Four of them sped down the highway, darting in between the wrecked vehicles and stopping there. The figures on the bikes dismounted and started to walk through the cars, shooting the walkers in the head. They weren't even trying to be quiet. Who the hell was that fearless in this world?

Rick looked over at their Jetta, it was a ways off from the people, halfway up the onramp. They were talking loudly in the street, pointing wildly at the semi. A few moments later an entire caravan of vehicles rode up and stopped at the pile up. Rick could only clearly see the first vehicle in the line but he heard several other engines. A few car doors opened and slammed. The lead vehicle was a military humvee with a mounted machine gun and an open back. About 5 people sat in the back of the humvee, men and women and a child. All were in chains and looked half-starved. A large man in a black leather vest jumped out of the cab of the humvee and walked towards the motorcycles. He started talking, no, more like screaming at the men there, gesturing to the cars. The men seemed to cower a little in front of him. 

Daryl whispered very softly, "Who the hell are these people?"

Rick pointed to the people in chains in the back of the humvee. "Don't like the look of that, whoever they are. Those people are prisoners, or…..worse." Daryl's eyes narrowed and he felt rage building when he looked at the chained child. He wanted to jump out and kill all those fuckers and free these poor people, but that was impossible. They were way outnumbered. 

The men started trying to push the wrecked cars from the road but it was no use. Some weren't even upright and would be impossible to move, and the semi was laid across the whole road. One of the men approached the man in the black vest, the leader Rick guessed. It looked like he was trying to explain something to him. The leader pulled out a handgun and shot the man in the head. Everyone in the road froze. The leader said something and they picked up his body and threw it into back of the humvee with the prisoners. 

Daryl grabbed Rick's arm urgently. "Rick we gotta help those people." Rick filled with dread. He hated the idea of leaving them, especially a child, with these murderous bastards but what could they do? "Daryl….I want to, but how? Check out that gun on the humvee." The machine gun was loaded and loomed large. A shirtless man in a blue cap stood behind it, scanning the road.

The leader was walking around the cars, peering into them. He motioned to the rest of them and they started to do the same, pulling suitcases and boxes out and dumping them into the street. A couple other people from the other vehicles started checking the cars for gas and siphoning it off. Rick's heart sank. " _Fuck_. We needed that gas."

Rick and Daryl watched as one man got closer and closer to their Jetta. Daryl clenched his fist around his crossbow as he saw the man try the locked door and peer in the window. "No….." They had their packs with them but their food and the briefcase, their key and their salvation, was in the car. The man used a rock to shatter the rear passenger window and unlock the back door of the Jetta. Daryl looked to Rick but Rick just shook his head. Another man was walking over to the Jetta too. Rick kicked himself internally for leaving the USB drive in there. Somehow he'd thought it was safer. _Stupid_.

Pretty soon all their stuff they'd brought from the prison was dumped out on the highway and being rummaged through by grubby hands. Their rations, boxes of ammo and a few extra guns, the tent and sleeping bags. And the locked briefcase. All sitting on the hot highway and then being carted off to the caravan. Someone came by and drained the Jetta of the last bit of fuel and Rick had to dig his hands into the dirt to keep from shooting. 

The leader was holding the briefcase, looking at it with curiosity. He was banging numbers into the lock without success. Finally he motioned to everyone to get back in the caravan. They all loaded up and one by one drove off the road and around the mess of vehicles while the motorcycles squeezed between them, following the highway east. The horn blew again, mocking them. 

When they were finally gone and out of sight, Rick stood up and screamed in rage. He paced over to a large oak and punched it, bloodying his knuckles. He was about to punch it again when he felt Daryl grab his fist. "Rick….Rick, stop. We gotta keep a cool head here." Rick's body felt like it was made of iron as he slumped against the tree. "They took the drive." Daryl pulled his arm and they walked over to the Jetta. There was nothing left, they'd taken everything. 

Rick gazed east down the road. "We gotta go after them. Get it back." 

"Won't be too hard to follow 'em with them blaring that stupid horn the whole way. Its nearly dark. They got to be headin' to their camp." 

Rick thought of something and ran over to where the man had been shot by the leader. Nearby was his motorcycle, forgotten, abandoned. A smile broke on Rick's face as he ran his hand over the leather seat. He looked over to Daryl. "You know how to drive one of these right?" 

Daryl smirked and hoisted up his crossbow and pack, then climbed on the motorcycle. "C'mon smartass. You're ridin' bitch."

Rick swung his leg over the seat behind Daryl and gripped his waist. Daryl turned the key and revved the engine. Plenty of gas. Their luck wasn't as bad as they'd first thought. 

Daryl zig-zagged through the wrecked cars and around the semi until they were on the clear side of the highway, then gunned it. If he could track a deer in the woods, he could track a whole caravan of cars. They'd have to keep some distance so the caravan wouldn't spot them, but it wouldn't be too hard to figure out where they went. 

Rick gripped Daryl tightly and whispered, "We gotta get those people out too."

Daryl couldn't turn around to kiss Rick like he wanted to, but he smiled into the wind anyway. 

\------

Just after sunset, Daryl slowed then stopped the motorcycle and pointed to a spot on the highway where a lot of cars had left the pavement for a dirt road. Multiple tire tracks were dug deep into the dirt, made recently. The dirt road carved into the woods and it wasn't clear where it ended. Rick hopped off the bike. "Let's hide the bike in the woods in case we gotta make a quick getaway." There was no going back for the Jetta now, with its broken windows and empty gas tank. They pulled the bike into a cove of trees then gently laid it on its side and covered it with branches and leaves.

"Can you remember where we left it?" Daryl just snorted and gave him a look. Rick put up his hands, "Ok, ok, just askin'."

They followed the dirt road in the moonlight but stayed off it, instead slowly made their way through the forest beside it. This part of North Carolina was breaking from foothills into true mountains, and the road wound up, up the side of a small mountain. Once they heard a car coming up the road and had to duck down in a ditch for it to pass, glad for the cover of darkness. Rick said quietly, "Guess we're headed the right way." Daryl cut him a look, "You had doubts? Pffft."

About two miles up the road, they came to a wall built with timber- just crudely cut down trees lined up and sharpened on the top. They hid as they scouted out the perimeter. All the cars and motorcycles but the humvee were parked outside, maybe a dozen total. The main gate was just nailed sheets of rusty corrugated metal, but two men with guns stood at the entrance, smoking and talking. One was young, maybe 20. The other looked older, around 40. Rick motioned Daryl to stop and stay quiet, and they listened. 

"Heard they brought back some food this run."

"Yeah? About goddam time. Pickins' been slim lately. Hope they got some smokes too. And some booze." The older man laughed and tapped the ash from his cigarette.

"Dunno, probably. They scored a lot of stuff from a buncha cars wrecked on I-85 west 'a here." 

"Well you won't be seeing none of it anyway."

The younger man spat on the ground. "Fuck that. I'm doin' my job same as anybody."

"All the good stuff goes to Jack, you know that. Do him a favor 'n maybe he'll give you something." The older man held up his pack of smokes. "Like me."

"What'd you do?"

"Never you mind 'bout what I did. Don't matter. Just do what he says and you'll get yours."

"I already did…something."

"Yeah what."

"Last time they brought back food I…..was the one who…."

"Yeah…nobody likes _that_ job do they." The older man chuckled and dropped his spent cigarette, crushing it under his boot. "What'd you get?"

"To eat."

"Well, thats something ain't it."

The younger man grumbled and threw his cigarette butt into the road. "Still can't get used to it. Eating people."

"Meat's meat in this world, boy. I wouldn't let Jack hear you sayin' that neither." 

The metal gate swung open a bit and a man stuck his head out at the two guards. "Hey, you Smith. C'mere. Jack's got a job for ya."

The younger man straightened up from leaning on the wall. "Yeah? What?"

"Same as last time. Now get your ass in here. Lew can watch by himself tonight."

The older man chuckled again and slapped Smith on the back. "Have fun m'boy. Don't forget to bring me a plate." Smith's face darkened but he went inside the compound and the metal gate shut again with a clang.

\------

Rick and Daryl looked at each other in their hiding place. Now there was just one man guarding the gate. Rick considered what to do. He whispered, "We should wait 'till the middle of the night and creep in while everyone's sleepin'. Might be able to do the whole thing unseen. 'Cept for him." He motioned to Lew, drinking from a flask.

"Those people might be dead by then Rick. You heard those two." Daryl felt nearly sick at the thought of those people being eaten tonight. Sitting chained somewhere inside, knowing what was coming.

"They won't kill all of them." Rick swallowed hard. It was awful to have to think like a cannibal. "They'll want to keep the meat…..fresh." He closed his eyes in disgust then shook it off. "If we go in there now guns blazin' we're dead men sure as them."

Rick was right. Better to save the ones they could and themselves than end up just like them. He hated that though. "Maybe we can take this one hostage." Daryl motioned to Lew. "Trade 'em for the briefcase and the prisoners."

Rick thought about it. "That Jack don't seem the type to negotiate. Hell, he shot his own man in the road today for nothin'. He won't bargain. He'll let Lew die then kill us too."

"Plus they'd just go get more people." Daryl didn't like that at all. "Rick we've got to stop this, it ain't right. This is evil, _real_ evil." He had to check himself from raising his voice.

Rick sat silent for a moment. "What do you want to do Daryl? We can't kill everyone."

Daryl looked straight ahead. "Yeah, we can." The look on his face actually scared Rick a little bit. "We still got the gas can and the siphon," pointing to it on the ground. "And that fence is all wood. Siphon the gas outta those cars over there and douse the fence, this whole place'll go up like kindling."

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "And we'll be waiting here at the gate in case any try to get out." His hand went instinctively to his gun. "But we gotta get in there first. Get the briefcase and get the prisoners."

They both looked at Lew, guzzling from his flask again. He was wavering a bit on his feet.

Rick whispered, "Start emptying the tanks. Quietly. And…leave one car with a full tank." He grasped Daryl's wrist and checked the time. 9 o'clock. "We'll wait until about 1 am to go in."

Daryl stared at Lew, then thought of the child inside in chains. "Let's send these fuckers back to hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mega action in store for the next chapter! How will the raid on the cannibal compound go? Will they get back the USB drive and free the "meat"? I don't imagine that Jack will just roll over and let the boys win without putting up a fight. Come back soon and see! XD


	14. No Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl hit the cannibal camp ninja-style.

It took several hours to drain every tank with just one pump and can, but Daryl was determined. They were careful to be silent as they dumped the gas all along the timber fence, soaking the wood and the grass and bushes nearby. They left a single car untouched, a silver Prius that had already been hot wired and had a full tank. If their plan worked, they'd be on their way to the NIH in a car needing much less gas than the Jetta.

After the first hour they'd noticed the smell of something cooking- meat being roasted. The smell should have made their mouths water, but knowing what it was made their stomachs churn in disgust. At one point they'd hid when they heard the gate clang open. They heard Lew's voice saying, "Thanks," then it slammed shut again. Daryl grimaced as he heard Lew smacking and slurping the food. He was half-drunk and talking to himself. "Mmmm, you're a tasty bastard eh. Better'n that last bitch." He laughed to himself and kept on chomping.

Rick's hand itched for his gun but Daryl's hand on his shoulder stilled him. They had to wait until the camp was asleep to strike. The trap was set and they moved back into their hiding place near the gate to wait it out.

Rick had a nagging doubt about killing the whole compound. Did they all deserve to die for trying to survive, even in this way? "You sure about this Daryl?"

"You ain't?"

Rick hesitated. "We don't kill the living." Even though they both had at one point.

"Tell that to them." A bit of anger was beneath Daryl's whisper.

"No mercy eh."

"Not for child killers. Not for that."

Rick sighed and nodded. He thought about his own kids- what if it were Judith or Carl in there? They'd get no mercy here. "We better grab Lew and see if he can tell us anything bout the inside. Don't like goin in blind."

Daryl showed Rick his watch. Almost 1 am. They were ready as they'd ever be. They locked eyes, united in a single purpose. He hoisted his crossbow. "Now?"

Rick leaned over and kissed a completely surprised Daryl. If he was running headlong into hell he wanted one last taste of heaven. Daryl leaned into his kiss. They both knew it might be their last. Finally Rick pulled back.

He saw his whole world open up in Daryl's eyes. A soft unknown universe existing there just for him. He wasn't going to die today and neither was Daryl. He lifted his Eagle and kissed that too, for luck.

"Now."

\--------

Lew had been in the middle of taking a swig from his flask when he'd felt the cold steel of Rick's gun at his neck.

"You make a sound, you're a dead man Lew."

Lew threw his hands up, sending the flask into the dirt where Daryl kicked it into the woods. Rick whispered, "March over there." Daryl motioned to their hiding spot in the trees and took Lew's gun as he walked. "The three of us are gonna have a little chat."

Lew looked about ready to piss himself. "Wha-whaddaya want? I don't know you two. Ain't done nuttin' to you!" He looked from Rick to Daryl then back to Rick.

Daryl spit on the ground. "Eatin' people and you think you done nothin'?" Lew went white.

"You gonna tell us some things, bout your friends here." Rick motioned to Daryl to bind the man's hands. "How many people inside?"

Lew didn't speak. Rick raised his gun to the man's temple. "Alright! Al-alright. Put that down. I tell you and...you won't kill me?" Rick hesitated, then nodded. "Twenty-two."

"And how many prisoners?"

Lew looked even more scared now. Finally he said, "Five."

"Where you holdin' them?"

"Locked shed on the north side of the camp."

He wiggled a bit in the restraints and Daryl kicked him. "Sit still asshole."

Rick went on. "Who's got the key?"

"Guard's got it."

"How many guards inside? Where are they?"

"One just inside. One at the shed." Daryl reached out and yanked something from the man's neck. A silver colored whistle on a string. He held it up to Rick. "You blow that when you see something, eh? They got 'em too?"

Lew looked down and nodded. 

"Where's Jack?"

Lew looked up at the sky like he didn't want to answer, but finally did. "He's in the building all the way north. Next to the shed."

"And the stuff you find, the stuff people bring back here. Jack's got that too?"

Lew gave Rick an odd look. "What do you guys want? You two should join us…."

Daryl poked him with his crossbow. "We ain't no cannibals. Just answer the goddam question."

Lew shot daggers at him. "Yeah....Jack keeps anything worth keepin' at his place." Damn. Rick had really not wanted to deal with Jack personally. Couldn't be avoided now it seemed.

Rick abruptly brought the butt of his gun down hard on Lew's head, knocking him out cold. He reached into Lew's shirt pocket and took his matches and smokes then they dragged him a ways from the road and gagged him. Daryl retied him to a tree in a way that wouldn't be impossible to undo but would take him hours. Rick had promised they wouldn't kill him and they wouldn't.

They turned back to the gate. They had one last full can of gas and doused the area around the gate with it. Rick whispered, "We get inside and sneak to the north side of the camp. We'll have to take out the two guards when we're in there, and before they can signal on us."

Rick put away his gun and brought out his knife. "Gotta do this quiet."

Daryl walked up to the gate. "Got an idea." He tapped on the gate. It opened slightly and the guard inside poked his head through. "Lew, I told ya there ain't no seconds and----" Daryl put a bolt through his head and the man slumped to the ground. "One down."

They pulled his body into the woods and hid it there then snuck silently through the gate, and closing it as softly as they could. Inside was dark except for starlight, but there was enough to see by. The humvee was parked here just inside. Daryl looked up at Orion. North. He motioned to Rick. "This way."

The camp wasn't much more than scattered corrugated metal shacks with a large fire pit in the center. White bones gleamed in the starlight beneath the ashes and Daryl turned away. They quietly padded north, careful to stay out of sight of doorways and to listen for any sound or voice. Other than someone loudly snoring in a nearby shack, all was quiet. They peeked from behind a metal wall of a shack when they were at the north side and saw what had to be Jack's house. It was the only thing even vaguely resembling a house in here, and sure enough, a metal shed with a large padlock was right next to it.

Smith, the younger guard they'd seen earlier, sat in a chair leaning against the shed's door, whittling away at a piece of wood.

Rick caught Daryl's eye and then snuck behind the shed and crept up behind Smith. In one swift movement, Rick grabbed his hair and sliced open his neck with his knife, nearly severing it. Blood spilled from the wound onto the ground as the dying man grabbed at Rick's clothes. Rick stabbed him again in the temple and he was still. He reached down and felt for the guard's whistle. A key was on the string too. They dragged his body behind the shed and stood there for a moment catching their breath.

"Two down." Rick looked over at the house, gauging the best way to get in and out. "Check the windows." They carefully checked each dark window until they found one that was open a crack. Rick pushed it up very slowly and looked in. Inside was something like an office- a big desk, some books, bottles of liquor, piles of boxed and canned food. Some ammo and weapons. But sitting on the desk across the room was the locked briefcase.

He turned to Daryl. "Its in there! On the desk."

Rick held the key out to Daryl. "You unlock those prisoners and get them the hell out of here. Tell 'em where we hid the motorcycle, might get a couple of 'em outta here faster. The Jetta too, if they want scavenge some gas for it."

Daryl took they key. "What about you?"

"I'll get the briefcase and meet you at the car, wait for me there. When I come running out, get ready to burn rubber. Cause the last thing I'm gonna do is light this place up." He patted his shirt pocket where he'd put the matches.

Daryl nodded. He took something out of his pack and put it in Rick's hand. A grenade. "Last one. In case things get hairy."

Rick clipped it to his belt under his shirt. He hoped he wouldn't need it.

"Don't die on me Grimes."

Rick put on his most fearless grin. "I don't plan to." He then climbed silently through the open window.

\--------

Daryl took a deep breath and turned the key in the padlock, then pocketed them. He slowly opened the door to the shed and ducked inside. There were no windows, it was pitch black dark. He took a flashlight out of his pack and turned it on.

Daryl's heart sank. This was a hopeless place, a purgatory before hell. A heavy stench filled the room, of death and human filth. Five nearly-naked and starving people were gagged and chained to rings welded into the wall, huddled together for warmth. Five pairs of eyes were immediately on him, startled but pleading with him beneath their terror.

He held his finger to his lips. "Shhhhhhhhh. Listen, I'm a friend. I'm here to get you out of here."

He heard a muffled moan in the corner of the shack where no light fell and a visible shudder seemed to run through the entire group of prisoners. Daryl shined the flashlight in that direction and immediately wished he hadn't. A….man lie on a filthy mattress in the corner. Except Daryl wasn't sure he was a man at first. When he realized that both the man's legs and one arm had been severed and tied off in tourniquets, he snapped the light away and started to dry heave. It took him a moment before he was able to get his shit together enough to realize why he was here.

 _Monsters_.

He turned back to the chained prisoners. "I'm going to remove all your gags, then your chains. But listen to me….do **not** make a sound. We have to sneak out of here. Got it?" Everyone nodded in disbelief. Daryl removed each prisoner's gag and unlocked their heavy chains with the padlock key, taking extra care with the child. It was a little boy, black hair and pale skin beneath many layers of filth. Daryl's heart ached to see the boy's vacant stare, nearly unaware that Daryl was even there at all. There were also two women and two men. They started to help each other up shakily. 

One of the women spoke, barely audible, "Who are you? Why are you doing this?"

Daryl looked at her sadly, "Does it matter?" The woman shook her head. 

When they were all standing and ready to go, Daryl stopped at the door and looked back to the corner with dread. There was no way to help that man now, and only one thing to do. Daryl walked over and stood above him with his crossbow, trying to aim for the man's head but his vision was blurred by the tears that suddenly came. He looked up and steeled himself. He looked over at the group and one of the women gently turned the child away. Daryl looked down and saw the man's eyes were open, ready. "Please."

Daryl pulled the trigger.

He grabbed his bolt and walked past the group and out the shed door, gasping for the fresh air outside. The other five silently emerged, terrified and shivering in the cold night air. They snuck behind the shed out of view. Daryl motioned for them to follow him to the gate but one of the men stopped him. He whispered, "I'm not leaving. Not while Jack's alive. He….he butchered my wife." The man's voice broke. "I don't care if I die, as long as he's dead."

Daryl whispered back urgently. "Listen fella, if we don't get out of here right now we're **all** gonna be dead." He motioned to the others. But the man's resolve was unshakeable. 

"I made her a promise."

Daryl sighed in exasperation. "We're gonna torch this place. No one here is coming outta here alive. Now--"

The man interrupted him. "I have to know he's dead. Have to see it." The man started walking over to the open window of Jack's house. Daryl reached out to grab his arm but he dodged away. He hoisted himself through the window before Daryl could say a word to stop him.

 _Shit_! _Rick was in there!_

Daryl turned to the others and spoke low and fast. "Make for the front gate. We've killed the two guards so if you are quiet there should be no one to stop you. When you get out, follow the dirt road to the highway. Just to the left of where the highway meets the road we hid a motorcycle under some branches. Use it to get that kid out of here." They all nodded, wide-eyed. One of the women took the child's hand. Daryl looked back to the window and he heard the others softly moving away. Then a whisper, "Thank you." 

Daryl turned, but they were gone. 

\-------

Rick's feet hit the carpeted floor of the office without making a sound. He quickly looked for the doorways in the room. Two doors. One on the left was open and went to a dark bedroom. Another to his right was closed and went outside. He peered towards the bedroom but couldn't make out anything. The briefcase sat across the room on the desk. He just had to creep over to it, grab it, and get back out the window again. 

He took a deep breath, gathered all his courage and began to make his way across the room as silently as he could. Each step took his entire concentration. Each moment seemed to last a lifetime. One foot in front of the other until he was standing right in front of the desk. He reached out slowly and picked up the briefcase. To have it in his hands again after seeing Jack walk off with it in the highway….exhilaration. He was involuntarily smiling to himself, thinking of Daryl and him on the road again and all this shit behind him, when he heard a small noise behind him. Rick whirled around and the floor of his guts bottomed out. A dark figure was standing in the doorway, holding a revolver aimed for Rick's heart. Rick froze.

 _No_ …...

"Well well, a sneaky little thief come in the night to steal from me." Jack stepped forward into the moonlight streaming through the open window. He was at least 300 lbs, a beast of a man who seemed far too big for the room.

Rick's hand went for his gun but he stopped when Jack pulled back the hammer on the revolver. "Uh uh uh." Jack grinned and slowly shook his head. He walked a few paces closer to Rick, head slightly tilted, circling him with curiosity. "Now of all the things to steal in here, you choose that briefcase. I wonder why?"

Rick's eyes narrowed as he met Jack's stare with equal malice. "This belongs to me."

"Well….I seem to remember picking it up in some abandoned car west 'a here. So that means it belongs to **me**." Jack pointed to himself dramatically. The fake grin fell from Jack's face. "Who are you?"

"Nobody." Rick felt blinding hate welling up inside him and his fingers dug into the soft leather of the briefcase.

Jack reached out and took Rick's Desert Eagle from its holster and Rick saw red at the thought of this monster's hands on the gun Daryl gave him. "Thaaaaaaat's right. You sure are nobody now, aren'tcha? Just meat." Jack chuckled and walked around behind Rick, roughly feeling the muscles of Rick's arms. "You ain't skinny like the usual ones we pick up." Rick felt Jack's gaze on his body and his skin crawled. "Yeah... I bet you'll taste mighty fine." He kept on walking around Rick until he was in front of him again with his back to the window.

Jack motioned to the briefcase Rick was still holding. "If thats yours, meat, then open it." Rick didn't move, just clenched his jaw. He'd blow them both sky high before he let this bastard touch him again. "C'mon now, I been banging numbers in 'er all day. Don't keep me in suspense."

Over Jack's shoulder, Rick saw shadows move outside the window. Was Daryl there? But no, another man, not Daryl, was climbing in the window.

Jack turned to see what Rick was staring at. "What in the hell---"  The man from the window didn't hesitate but straight away rushed Jack with his whole frail body, knocking Jack off balance.

Rick saw his chance and took it. The murderous rage that had been building while Jack had circled him, calling him "meat," thinking of Rick as no more than a meal, burst open. Rick dropped the briefcase and landed the hardest punch he'd ever thrown right across Jack's jaw. Jack stumbled and fell to his knees and immediately the frail man was on top of him, pushing him to the ground and digging his thumbs into Jack's eye sockets. Blood began to gush from his eyes, welling between the man's fingers, and just as Jack let out an inhuman shriek of pain, Rick unsheathed his knife and plunged it into Jack's head. He was quiet. 

The frail man was panting hard, still digging his fingers into Jack's eyes. Rick put an urgent hand on his shoulder and he stopped. "C'mon. We got to get out of here. Now!" 

"Rick!" Daryl's whispered voice made Rick look up to the window. Daryl was there on the other side. "I hear footsteps. Get out here!" Rick grabbed the briefcase and his Desert Eagle off Jack's body and quickly hopped through the window with the frail man just behind. Someone was banging on the door, but they didn't stop to see who. The three of them darted between the shacks towards the main gate and then slipped through the gate. Daryl ran for the Prius with the briefcase, the frail man followed and they both got in.

Rick took out the matches and lit one. He squinted into the fire and then tossed it against the timber barricade. He did it again, and again, until many separate blazes were licking up the wood. The gasoline stoked the flames and the fire burned hot and fast, traveling all the way around the camp in a matter of seconds. Rick could hear yells coming from inside, people were waking up, yelling, "Fire!" 

Daryl had started the car and was pointed towards the road. He yelled frantically, "Rick! C'mon, get in! GET IN! RICK!" Rick slowly stepped backwards, facing the flames, his gun raised. Someone was trying to open the gate despite the flames all around. But Rick's hate burned hotter than the fire.

_No one was getting out._

A man in burning clothes hurtled through the gate screaming. Rick pulled the trigger and a .44 magnum blew the man's head apart in an explosion of red. The flames were climbing high now, starting to spread beyond the camp and Rick had to back away further from the heat and smoke. He ran coughing for the Prius and Daryl's panicked voice screaming his name. Before jumping in, he took one last look at the burning compound and watched the gate. Nothing.

Daryl reached over the passenger seat and grabbed Rick, pulling him inside. Rick snapped back to himself and got in and slammed the door. Daryl floored the gas pedal and the car careened down the dirt road towards the highway. 

It took a few moments for Rick to realize that he was still holding his gun up, his hands shaking with rage and adrenaline, and that Daryl was saying his name again and again. But by the time they reached the point where the highway met the road, it had sunk in that they were alive, that they'd made it, and those cannibals would never call anyone else "meat' ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really fun chapter to write. It was awesome to have Rick and Daryl ending these bastards' reign of terror and then the justice of one of the prisoners getting to do Jack in.  
> For those of you who have read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road," I got my inspiration re:the caravan and camp from there (there's just a single scene in the book though).  
> So they've got the briefcase back and are more than halfway to the NIH. Wonder what they'll find there? Stay tuned! :)


	15. Safe Harbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone takes separate leaps of faith.

After about 10 miles going 80mph down the highway, Daryl pulled the car off to the side of the mountain road at an abandoned rest stop so they could just breathe a moment and figure out where to go from here. As soon as they parked he reached over and grabbed Rick tightly.

"I thought I lost you." He relived his horror at watching the prisoner leap through Jack's window and the blood-curdling scream that had followed. He'd had no idea if it was Rick who was hurt, dying in there. Then screaming for Rick as he tempted fate, the flames growing and spreading all around them. Rick had been somewhere else in his mind then---a place called revenge as real as the road they now sat on.

Rick buried his face in Daryl's shirt, inhaling his scent layered with gasoline and smoke. "I told you I didn't plan on dying." Daryl tried to laugh but it came out wrong, half a sob. He released Rick and wanted to just jump him, kiss him, but......suddenly he felt a stranger's eyes on him. The prisoner was in the backseat.

Rick and Daryl turned around to look at him. He was shirtless and filthy, and skinnier than any person should be. His face was sunken and hollow and deep trenches were cut around his wrists from where the chains had bit. Rick held out his hand to him. "I'm Rick, this is Daryl. Thanks for your help back there with Jack."

"Gabe." He wasn't sure if he was really safe, and looked at Rick's hand nervously. "You...you two snuck in there and freed us, for what? Why?"

Rick slowly took his hand back. He couldn't blame the man for being wary. Daryl answered him, "They had somethin' of ours. And when we saw you all...and knew what they were gonna do to you, we couldn't just leave you to that."

Rick asked, "Where you from? How'd they get you?"

Gabe answered. "From Charlotte. My wife and I were with a big group for awhile, camping outside the city after everything....happened. Ran out of food pretty fast cause the city was overrun, burned up mostly. Goverment dropped bombs and napalmed it, hoping to get them things."

"They bombed Charlotte?" Rick was surprised.

Gabe nodded. "After that people started starving pretty quick. Jack was with us back then...he wasn't like what you saw. Was a good man, helped people." Gabe got a cold look. "But the hunger....made everyone fight, people died, others ran away. Some just gave up. Jack...changed." He paused, remembering. "I could see him looking at people different. He started talking about 'survival of the fittest' and then about killing off the.....weak."

Gabe looked down at his mangled wrists, his hands red with Jack's blood. "My wife was weak. She'd nearly lost her mind with all that had happened. Couldn't cope." He stared out the window. "He killed her." His fists clenched. "Ate her."

Daryl let out a deep breath.

"I ran away like a damn coward. Stayed out by myself for awhile, months. Till the other day when they caught me on the road." He turned back to Rick and Daryl. "I knew I was going to die. Can't no one survive out here alone. I thought if they got me....at least I'd have a chance to get to Jack." A grim smile. "Thanks to you I did." He sat a few more moments in silence then opened the car door and got out.

Rick got out too. "Gabe, better get back in, don't know what's out here." There was an overlook here, the road was cut into the mountain on a cliff. Gabe was walking over to the edge of the cliff. "Gabe...?" Daryl opened his door and got out too, sensing something was wrong.

Gabe got to the edge. He gazed out at the dark mountains and valleys below, crawling with unseen death. Rick felt the weight of the man's sadness, an inpenetrable wall between them. "This world ain't meant for the living anymore, y'know?" His toes were at the very edge. "Evil is all that's left." Rick started to walk over to him with his hand out, but Gabe just softly said to the stars, "But I got him Lila," and jumped off. Daryl gasped and Rick's hand fell limply to his side.

\----------

They'd both passed out in the car, just completely exhausted physically and mentally, but it was just a few hours until dawn broke. Rick forced his eyes open. Daryl was still asleep in the backseat. He thought he'd let him sleep awhile and just drive.

From here to Bethesda, Rick saw on the map they could take the smaller highway 29 the rest of the way and avoid any major cities. They'd still be going through enough little ones to be hopefully ok on gas. The mountains seemed to deter the walkers here, and he was making good time on a relatively clear highway. It started to rain, which slowed them a little but Rick was happy to see that the Prius' nearly full tank and 50 mpg might even last them the whole rest of the way.

The rain streaming down outside the windows felt clensing and soothing, but inside, Rick was a mess. He was still half riding an adrenaline high from yesterday, but what he was thinking about right now wasn't the camp. It was Daryl. And he didn't like where his thoughts were taking him at all. Scenarios kept popping to the forefront of his mind and he kept having to push them back down. He was thinking about Ash, and what Ash did to Daryl.

It was an odd mix of loathing and jealousy. He hated that Ash had hurt Daryl so badly, and in so many ways. And he wanted to kill the man for it. But the darker part of Rick, the part he was struggling with now, was aroused by the story Daryl told him. He saw some of himself in Ash. Is that why Daryl wanted him?

He imagined Daryl, young and naive and completely alone in the world. What Ash must have meant to him then dwarfed anything Rick could ever be to him. And even though Daryl seemed to hate the man now, he wondered if Daryl ever thought about what they'd done together. It certainly shaped how Daryl viewed sex....so, he must think about it, about Ash. 

He wanted to hear more. He wanted to ask Daryl about it, get him to talk about it. But it was obviously a touchy subject, and Rick wouldn't be asking for the right reasons. So he pushed those thoughts back into the corners of his mind and just drove.

\------

It wasn't until around noon that Daryl finally stirred.

He grumbled at Rick, rubbing sleep from his eyes, "Ugh...why didn't you wake me up?"

Rick looked at him in the rearview mirror. "Nah, you looked so exhausted, thought I'd let you get some rest."

"You don't need any?"

"I'm ok."

Daryl wondered if he really was, but kept quiet. "How much farther you think?"

"Just 200 miles. We'll be there tomorrow if all goes well." Rick's stomach growled loudly. All their food had gone up with the compound last night. They'd have to find some today, and some decent shelter.

"Tomorrow...hard to believe."

Rick nodded silently. The closer they got, the more worried he felt. What if they got there and there was no cure? Or just nothing at all? And all this risk had been for nothing? Daryl felt his unease. "Why don't you let me drive awhile. I'll keep an eye peeled for somewhere to look for food."

Rick could use a break. The miles and his inner struggles had worn him down. "Ok. Eyes are feelin' a bit heavy." He slowed and pulled over and got in the front passenger side. Daryl got in the driver's side and they started to move again. "Just keep following 29. We'll stay on it till the end. Sure you're ok?" He leaned the seat down and before Daryl could answer, Rick was fast asleep.

Daryl smiled a bit at Rick finally looking peaceful and content. It scared him how much Rick meant to him now, so much more than just an obsession or object of lust. He loved this beautiful, flawed man. His strength, his mind. His confidence and fearlessness. The way he stood up to the whole damn world falling to pieces and somehow had an answer to it all. The way he could be gentle with Daryl when he wanted to be and tried to be a better man. But he loved Rick's passion and emotion too. Daryl didn't want to change who Rick was.

He'd said he couldn't love Daryl. He'd warned him honestly. Warned him he couldn't give him what he wanted.

Daryl didn't care. He would be what Rick wanted instead. He looked over at Rick dreaming, and wanted to be there even in his dreams.

Gabe had been wrong. So wrong. This world still had a place for the living, and he was going to live as long as Rick was beside him. Rick might never love him. But he was going to love Rick anyway.

\-----

Rick woke to Daryl gently shaking him. It was pouring down rain outside and the car wasn't moving. "We stopped?" As his eyes focused he saw something in a shiny wrapper being held out in front of him. He sat up and grabbed it- an energy bar! "Where'd this come from?!" He looked at Daryl, who motioned him to eat it, and tore into it and ate it in three bites.

Daryl smiled. "Come see what I found." He exited the car in the rain and headed for a boarded-up log cabin. He went in the door and motioned to Rick to come in. Rick grabbed his pack and jumped out of the car. He ran for the cabin but was still drenched by the time he stepped onto the porch. He looked around, "This empty? No walkers?"

"Nope, deserted. We're way up in a state forest, probably nobody around here even before everything. Found the ranger's house though."

They walked inside into a cozy living room with a fireplace. It was nearly untouched, just as it had been left months ago. "There's food. Mostly just cans of stew but its food."

"Good find Daryl." Rick was beaming as he looked around. He smiled at Daryl. "I was really cravin' some stew anyway."

"Might be able to find some dry wood around here, get a fire goin' and warm up."

They set down their things and Rick set about looking for wood while Daryl opened up cans of food. He found some on the porch and brought it inside. The matches he'd had were a little wet but he got one to light after a few tries and got the fire started. "See a bucket anywhere?"

Daryl gave him a look but handed him a big stockpot he dug out of the kitchen. "This do?"

"Yup." Rick went outside and set it out to catch the rain. "Now we'll have water." He was well and truly soaked now and looked around for something dry. There was a quilt on the sofa, dusty but dry. Rick peeled off his wet clothes and wrapped up in the quilt by the fire, trying to stop his shivering.

Daryl brought him a plate and spoon from the kitchen and they ate together, savoring the canned stew and the fire's bright comfort.

Rick ate his fill and set the plate aside. He laid down on floor, streching out like he couldn't in the car. "What time is it?"

Daryl checked his watch. "'Bout seven." A loud crash of thunder sounded outside and Daryl shivered. "Never did like thunderstorms."

"Why not?"

Daryl looked hard into the fire. "Meant Merle and I couldn't sleep out in the woods. Had to stay at home...with my dad." He shoveled the last bite in his mouth and set the plate down. He pulled his wet shirt over his heard and laid it by the fire to dry out. Then he stood up and went into the kitchen, coming back with a bottle and two cups.

"Ain't gonna steal this from me this time are ya?" He held up a bottle of scotch and jiggled it.

"Depends."

Daryl sat back down and poured them some drinks. "On what?" He gave Rick a sly look.

"You got any secrets left?" Rick was only half joking.

Daryl handed him his cup but kept the bottle. "Pffft. I bout near talked your ear off the other night. You know more 'bout me than anyone alive now." He shot his glass and poured more. "More 'n I know 'bout you."

Rick was interested in what Daryl would want to know about him. "I'm an open book." He took a sip and savored the burn into his insides.

Daryl looked at Rick. "No you ain't. You keep your secrets close." Rick shrugged. "You're keeping some right now."

"Am I?"

"Tell me what you're thinking about Rick. I want to know you."

Rick hesitated. He had to be very careful here. He felt he'd kept himself under control with Daryl, just waiting for him to make a move. He didn't want Daryl to really see him. He just wanted to show him what he wanted Daryl to see. Not the darkness, just the light.

"I'm thinking about....how to keep myself together, I guess. I'm walking a thin line with you." The same one he'd walked with Lori, and lost.

Daryl read his mind. "Rick, I'm not Lori. I'm not gonna run away 'cause you like it rough." He smiled into his glass. Didn't Rick see he liked it that way too? That he was the yin to Rick's yang? 

"Its more than that...."

"Tell me then." He refilled Rick's glass and joked, "This ones free but the next one'll cost you a secret."

Rick watched the fire slowly consuming the logs, burning through what was good and useful and leaving nothing but momentary warmth and ashes behind. That's how Rick felt- a fire that burned through people, giving brief comfort but taking from them what was vital. What right did he have to let Daryl fall for him when he would never return it?

Daryl watched him closely. "You're afraid now aren't you. Because of everything I told you. Afraid you'll hurt me too?"

"I will hurt you." The words hung in the air between them. "And yes, I'm afraid. Of myself." He drank deeply. The alcohol was loosening him, lowering his inhibitions over what he told Daryl. Hell, why not tell him? He looked down. "I wish you hadn't told me about Ash."

Daryl's eyes shot up to Rick's when he spoke that name. "Why?" 

"Cause now I can't stop thinking about it." Rick felt his guts churning, knowing he was going too far, going somewhere dangerous. He couldn't stop himself. Just talking about it with Daryl was sparking something dark inside him, making his cock hard and heart pound. "It....excited me Daryl." He pounded the rest of his drink.

Daryl crawled across the floor until he was in front of Rick. "Its ok, Rick. I think about it too. Used to all the time." He reached out and stroked Rick's bicep. "Used to be the only way I could cum was thinking about Ash doing things to me, using me, hurting me." 

"Used to be?"

Daryl refilled their cups. Guess they were getting blitzed tonight. "Now I think about you."

Rick's cock pulsed to hear Daryl say that and he pulled Daryl into his lap, legs astride him, face to face. Rick whispered, "I scare myself Daryl. I want to tie you down like Ash did and tease your body, drive you crazy. I'll never cut you again but...in my dreams I do."

Daryl pushed his body against Rick's. He took a sip from his glass and held it in his mouth, then kissed Rick, letting the alcohol flow into Rick's. Their tongues bathed in the alcohol, tasting it and each other until Rick swallowed and pulled back. Daryl gazed at him. "You have no limits with me Rick. None."

Rick ran his hand over the nearly-healed cut he'd made on Daryl's chest. "That's what scares me."

Daryl stood up and unbuttoned his pants and kicked them aside, the fire casting long flickering shadows on his bare skin. He was fully erect, and so close Rick could reach out and touch him if he wasn't using all his willpower to restrain himself. "Rick, touch me goddamit." Daryl grabbed his own cock and began to stroke himself. "Or do I have to think about Ash tonight?"

Rick stood up and let the quilt around him fall to the floor. Daryl was on him in an instant, crashing into him, his mouth searching for Rick's. But Rick grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him down hard onto the couch. He was half-drunk and Daryl had tempted him too hard tonight.

He grabbed Daryl's legs and pushed them open then got on his knees in front of him. He started to softly tease Daryl's cock, stroking just the head with his thumb. "Tell me about a time with Ash." 

Daryl moaned softly and let his head fall back against the couch. Yes, he had Rick now. That touch...."Once after school he tied me up to his bed before the band came over...." Rick started to lick his balls in slow, agonizing strokes. "Fuck....and...and Ash came upstairs all through the night while they were practicing, to fuck me again and again." Rick stroked a little firmer and let his mouth trail lower, tonguing Daryl's asshole. 

"Go on..."

Daryl was panting hard, his hands clenching the couch cushions. "He'd just go back down like nothing happened. So cool about it. Ahh.....Rick shit that feels so good...." His body was drowning in pleasure from Rick's tongue, and he felt exposed and vulnerable. So open physically and emotionally. "He left me there covered in both our cum......The last time he came up, the band had left and...." His breath hitched as Rick's tongue circled his entrance slowly. "He gave me a pill and some water." Rick sucked his finger then pressed it into Daryl, making Daryl push down on him with a needful moan. 

"Don't know what was in that pill but I tripped balls for hours while he watched me, begging for his touch, for anything....." Rick slipped in another finger and curled them to massage Daryl's prostate. Daryl nearly screamed the sensation was so intense. He locked eyes with Rick, their secrets laid bare. "Rick, I fuckin' loved every minute of it." 

Rick pulled his hand out of Daryl and climbed on top of him on the couch. "You liked the way he used you? Made you his plaything?" Daryl nodded. Rick pushed Daryl to make him lie down on the couch and then straddled his face. Daryl grabbed his cock and sucked and licked him desperately as he bent down to take Daryl into his mouth too. Rick found Daryl's prostate again and banged it rhythmically with two fingers until Daryl was moaning on his cock and bucking beneath him. Daryl grabbed Rick's ass and pulled him completely down his throat, making Rick almost cum. He was working the head of Daryl's cock with his lips and tongue, feeling Daryl getting tense beneath him. Finally he heard Daryl whimper and his body shuddered as he came in spurts in Rick's mouth. Rick fucked Daryl's face as he was pushed into his own orgasm, still sucking Daryl's cock. He remembered Daryl liked that, going past his orgasm. 

He sat up and pushed off Daryl, who was lying on the couch in a daze, Rick's cum running down his mouth. "Rick....." He reached out for him. 

Rick put the glass in his hand instead and smirked. "Drink up. I'm not done with you yet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these dirty boys. What else does Rick have in store for Daryl??
> 
> And tomorrow they get to the NIH, the moment of truth.


	16. Heaven's Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make their way through the streets of Bethesda to the NIH, hoping that salvation awaits.

Rick stood above Daryl, the firelight behind him framing his muscular body but casting his face in darkness. Daryl gazed at him, and in that moment he was Ash.... but more than Ash ever was. He was the only person in the world, he was every person in Daryl's world. Daryl could feel himself slipping away under Rick's spell, and he wished so bad they could say to hell with everything and stay together in this cabin, just the two of them, for all time. He would do it in a heartbeat, forget everyone who was waiting on them, who ever loved them, forget this lost world. Just stay here with Rick's mouth, Rick's touch, Rick's body. He was a man dying of thirst who'd found an oasis in the long desert of his life, and all he wanted to do was drink.

Rick crawled on top of him on the couch and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes. He bent down and kissed Daryl softly and Daryl felt something more than lust from Rick in that moment. Something new. Before he could stop himself he mouthed the words "I love you" as Rick kissed him.

Rick froze. He pulled back slowly, a look of dread on his face. Daryl internally cursed himself for letting it slip but the bell couldn't be unrung.

Rick got up abruptly and went and stood against the fireplace, not looking at Daryl.

 _Fuck_!

Daryl sighed and sat up on the couch and looked at Rick, drinking his scotch and staring into the fire. He was so close yet felt a thousand miles away. Rick could do that when he wanted to, put up distance in an instant. He constantly pulled Daryl in just to push him back again, leaving him no closer than where he'd started. He got up and walked over to Rick and put a hand on his arm.

"Rick....." Rick looked up from the fire.

"Don't Daryl." There was a warning there in Rick's dark eyes. He knew what Daryl wanted to say and it wasn't something he could deal with right now. Or ever.

"Rick, I have to. I want you to know." His hand dropped from Rick's arm, so cold, so cold. "You aren't just an obsession for me, you aren't just a fuck."

"Daryl, please stop." Rick was almost pleading with him. Couldn't they just go on as they had? 

"I know you don't love me Rick. Its ok." Daryl shut his eyes. This was hard to say. "I'm trying to tell you that's ok." When he opened his eyes Rick was looking at him. "But I do....love you."

Rick let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes. Daryl had said words that cut him deeper than any others ever had. How much longer could he lie to himself, to Daryl, pretending that he didn't care? But whenever he thought that he was falling for Daryl, thoughts of Lori and Shane were always there to remind him that people betrayed, people lied, people hurt. People say one thing and do another. Love had almost got him killed before, and Rick was a survivor. 

Daryl went on. "I don't expect anything from you. I'll be whatever you want me to be. But I had to tell you, or it was goin' to kill me."

Rick was quiet awhile. "You loved Ash."

Daryl said very quietly, "That was different. I was just a kid who didn't know any better."

Rick threw back his drink and stared Daryl down. "You still don't know any better."

He grabbed the quilt and wrapped up in it then walked into the bedroom and fell down on the bed. He felt like an idiot, an idiot with no control. Each time this happened he knew it was a bad idea. And each time he did it anyway. Why? He knew Daryl deserved so much better than he could give. And now Daryl had well and truly fallen for him, just like he'd feared. Everything he'd said or did to warn Daryl off had had the opposite effect of making him pursue Rick harder.

And what was worse was that he didn't really want Daryl to stop.

Daryl slept on the couch that night, next to the fire's warmth, but felt cold inside. He shouldn't have pushed Rick but he couldn't have held back any longer. The need to say it had been like carrying a weight inside him. He felt free of it now at least. He'd put his cards on the table and he hoped Rick wouldn't back away completely. As he shut his eyes for sleep, he tried to remember the times in his mother's arms, from before she was always drunk and scared, times when she would hold him and tell him she loved him. But now, he wasn't really sure that that had ever been real.

\-------

The rain had stopped by dawn and a thick mist hung low in the forest as they packed up the Prius, clearing the house of any useful items and food. Rick looked like he hadn't slept well but was awake and alert, checking their map. He got them back to highway 29 and they drove a while in silence. Daryl finally broke it.

"Ain't talkin' to me now?"

Rick stared at the road through the glass. "Just tryin' to know what to say."

"Listen, I'm sorry ok? I won't say it again." Daryl could deal with anything from Rick but this cold silence. "Just...just don't turn away from me Rick." Daryl reached for Rick's hand and interlaced their fingers. "I need you." 

Rick turned and looked at Daryl, squeezing his hand. "I won't. I need you too." He smiled a little and Daryl felt a rush of relief and happiness.

They were about 75 miles out of Bethesda now and could tell they were getting closer as the landscape around them changed. The forest gave way to a valley, then small towns with walkers they had to avoid again. Each mile closer to the city was slower going and by the time they were nearly outside it, there was a wall of crashed cars blocking the entire road. Obviously many people had tried to leave, but many had also been trying to get into DC too. Perhaps hoping the government held the answers to save them?

The had followed the signs that pointed to the NIH on the road, but at this point it would be faster to go the rest of the way on foot. Rick marked where they left the Prius on the map, hoping they'd still be alive to come get it later. They threw everything they could carry into their packs and didn't look back.

Rick pointed to the NIH complex on the map. "Its not far now, just about 3 miles down this road."

Daryl gazed down the long stretch ahead of them, nothing but car after car, suitcases and furniture fallen around them. And the city itself was falling down around them. A grey landscape of a crumbling metropolis slowly being overtaken by kudzu. Walkers milled around everywhere, they would be no avoiding them now, the next three miles would be the most dangerous they'd seen so far.

"Maybe we can blend in like we did in Atlanta....get some walker guts?"

Rick wrinkled up his nose at the memory of that smell. "Worth a try. Although makes me wish we'd saved that bottle of scotch now."

They waylaid a slower walker, once a businessman, now just a zombie in a tattered suit. Daryl put a bolt in its head.

Rick sliced open its putrid belly. "Ughhh....you'd think if they weren't really dead they'd at least not have to smell dead." No matter how many they'd killed, that was one thing he never got used to.

"C'mon Grimes. Better'n being dead ourselves." Daryl scooped up some black guts and smeared it on his clothes. Rick made a face but did the same, and pretty soon they were indistinguishable from the other shambling grey figures around them, all heading for the city center as if they too were being called there to some dark purpose.

\------

It was mid-afternoon when, in the middle of a giant horde of walkers, the most they'd ever seen in one place, Daryl stopped his zombie-like moans. His hunter's ears picked up the slightest sound, the beating blades of a helicopter getting closer and closer. Rick and Daryl locked eyes as the helicopter finally zoomed low overhead and in the direction the were heading- the NIH. An hour later the horde had dumped them in front of the building itself, an imposing modern brick structure many stories high covering several city blocks.

They stopped their shuffling, just taking it in that the building was there- really there! Not rotting and fallen like all the other's they'd seen on their way here. Each ruin they'd passed had swelled the seed of doubt and fear in Rick's mind. Now that he saw it, he nearly wanted to cry.

They edged up to the front, up some granite steps to huge glass sliding doors that had thick metal bars in front of them. Cameras dotted the entrances but there was no way to know if anyone was watching, if anyone was inside.

Daryl peered in. "The lobby is here. Nothin' but darkness. Can't see a thing."

"Might be another way in. Not likely they're using the front door these days." Rick looked over his shoulder at the knot of walkers behind them. "Let's walk around the side."

Daryl nodded and held his crossbow close. They followed the structure's walls until they crossed a small alley closed off by a fence. Halfway down the alley there was a plain metal door. Rick tried the fence gate, locked. "I think we can scale this, but if we do, probably gonna blow our cover with our friends here."

"I'm in. We've come all this way, better try it."

They threw their packs over the fence and Daryl hoisted Rick up and over. A few walkers started to turn their heads. Daryl scrambled up the fence, but was having trouble getting all the way over. It was high, and there weren't any good footholds.

Rick whispered urgently through the fence, "Daryl, come on!" Daryl threw himself against it again and tried to pull himself up but fell back. More walkers started to take notice and a few started to lumber towards them. Rick stuck his fist through a large tear in the bottom of the fence. "Step on my fist and I'll try to boost you a bit." Daryl looked over his shoulder and nodded fearfully. He stepped on Rick's fist and, though awkward, Rick pushed him up with all his strength and Daryl caught the top, and pulled himself over with a thud.

Now many walkers had noticed, because when he'd launched Daryl up, Rick had sliced his wrist on a jagged edge of the fence. Crimson blood flowed down his arm, signalling all around that they were alive. Daryl grabbed a clean rag out of his pack and wrapped it around Rick's wrist, but it soaked it quickly. The cut was deep. He gave Rick a panicked look.

"Its nothing. Get to the door!" Rick stumbled towards the door, adrenaline masking the pain and fear. Daryl grabbed Rick's pack and ran for the door. Locked!

"Fuck!" Daryl started beating of the door desperately, banging with two fists and screaming, "Hey! Fer chrissakes let us in!" Nothing. As he banged and banged, Rick was feeling dizzy and slumped against the other side of the alley. He tried to press where the fence had sliced him but the blood just kept coming, pooling beside him on the ground. Walkers were at the fence, pushing, soon they'd be through.

Daryl turned and saw him and was beside him in an instant. "No...no, no, NO! Rick, Rick, look at me!" Rick tried to focus on Daryl's face but it was a blur. The sounds around him were muted, muffled. Daryl shook him, then held him. "Rick, this isn't how it was supposed to be! I promised....promised Carl..." Tears streamed down Daryl's face, torn between beating on the door and being at Rick's side.

Rick felt consciousness slipping away, but forced himself to focus when he heard Carl's name. Carl.....Judith.....

He looked up at the closed door, and....the camera above it. With enormous effort, he slowly reached into his pocket and took out the drive, it was never far from him now, not after their close call with Jack. It took all the strength he had left to lift his arm, but he did it. He did it for Carl, for Judith, and..... for Daryl.

He held out the drive in full view of the camera. Held it there and hoped as Daryl called his name and held him close, tears wetting both their faces, blood flowing away like sand in an hourglass. Held it there, held it there.

His hand fell, and just before the world went to dark, just before he was ready to let go to the night, he heard the mechanical click of the door's lock and it swung open wide, the gates of heaven opening to them like an answered prayer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....they're here, and the door is open! But does friend or foe lie inside, and will Rick be ok? :O


	17. Paradise Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl meet the scientists of the NIH and find out the truth about the cure, and themselves.

Rick heard distant voices, almost like echos in a cave. He heard Daryl's, screaming at someone. He heard a softer female voice, calm and even. He felt strong hands lift him like a child and then a flurry of blurred figures above him and a bright, blinding light. Someone asking him questions. He called a name and tried to struggle. An injection. Then, nothing.

When Rick opened his eyes, he was alone in a dimly lit room lying in a hospital bed. A heart rate monitor beeped softly next to him, counting out each beat. Rick scanned the room and saw his stuff in the corner and a camera above the door trained on him. Daryl- where was Daryl? He looked down at his injured wrist. It was bandaged and the bleeding had stopped, but he felt groggy and weak as a kitten. His other hand was handcuffed to the bed and he had an IV drip running out of it.

He wanted to yell, but the voice that came out was barely above a whisper, "Daryl!" A few moments later the door opened and a tall brown-haired woman in a white coat walked into the room. "You're awake." She sat down in a chair next to Rick's bed. Rick pulled against the handcuff and yelled for Daryl again, louder.

"Shhhhh, you've lost a lot of blood. Don't strain." Her recognized her voice from before, the calm one.

"Where's Daryl?"

"Your friend is just next door. Sleeping. We had to sedate you both you were in such an agitated state. He almost knocked my nurse's head off when they tried to lift you."

"Who are you? Why am I handcuffed?"

"I'm Dr. Ross, but you can call me Allison. The handcuffs are just temporary, until we get a chance to find out who you are and why you're here."

Suddenly Rick remembered the drive. He went for his pockets but realized that his clothes were gone, replaced with hospital scrubs. He looked up at Allison. "Where is it?" he demanded.

"Yes, we have the drive. Although perhaps you could tell us why YOU had it." Rick's heart sank. He'd lost his bargaining chip, this time for good. It wasn't over though. Maybe these people would want info about the camp and what they'd seen.

He didn't trust her. She was nervous under her cool facade. "I want to talk to Daryl."

Allison sighed and stood up. "I'll get him if he's awake." At the door, she turned back around to face Rick. "I know you've been through a lot, but you're safe here. Well, as safe as you can be now. You are both incredibly lucky." She left, closing the door softly behind. Safe? Were they really?

A few minutes later, he heard Daryl's voice loud in the hall. "Getcher damn hands off me!" The door to his room opened and Daryl was there, shoved roughly inside by an enormous man in scrubs like them. The door shut and Rick heard the lock click outside. Daryl yelled at the door, "Asshole!"

Rick smiled a little at Daryl handcuffed in his scrubs, looking more out of place that he'd ever been. "I think that's your color Daryl."

Daryl was by his side in an instant, sitting in the chair by his bed. He took Rick's hand and held it against his face. "Rick...goddamit...don't you ever fuckin' scare me like that again." His soft tone clashed with his words. "I thought....I thought for a moment there you were a goner." He looked red-eyed, he'd been crying.

Rick took his hand and squeezed it. "I'm hard to kill."

Daryl gave him a look, "Just damn lucky is all." He put his head down on the bed railing. "If they hadn't opened the door...."

"I knew they would."

"How?" Damn Rick was a cocky bastard.

Rick shrugged. "Just knew somehow."

Daryl lifted his head. "They told me you'd be fine in a couple days. Lost a lot of blood, had to stitch you up, but you'd be ok." He breathed out relief.

"Feel like shit."

"Yeah, me too. Gave me some kinda shot, put me down faster'n Merle's moonshine."

Rick leaned back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. "They've got the drive."

"Yeah, they grabbed it right outta your hand. That big ape knocked me down when I tried to stop him." Daryl looked down. "Sorry Rick. That's my fault. And you gettin' hurt. My fault too." He looked anguished.

"No its not Daryl. We're here now 'cause of you. I couldn't have done it alone."

"And now what? They got the drive and we got nothin'."

"We got something else they want. Information, 'bout the camp, the world outside."

"But do they want that bad enough to help us? Give us vaccines......"

"Guess we'll see soon enough."

Daryl smiled and brushed a stand of hair from Rick's face. Rick felt a little stronger, a little braver now with Daryl here. "Its good to see you smile Daryl. We made it." Daryl sniffed a little, trying to hold back emotion and the tears that threatened to flow. Rick had called his name when they were being pulled inside, the walkers at their heels. He wondered if Rick remembered.

The lock on the door clicked again and Rick dropped Daryl's hand and sat up. The huge nurse came in, followed by Allison and two other men in lab coats, a younger man with glasses and an older one with grey hair. The nurse brought in chairs and they all sat down around Rick and Daryl. The nurse stood by the door looking menacingly at Daryl, who just glared back.

The older man spoke. "I'm Dr. Ed Wright and this is Dr. Eric Mayhew. Seems you've already met Dr. Ross here." Allison nodded. "And who are you?"

Rick hesitated, but answered. "I'm Rick Grimes and this is Daryl Dixon."

"And how did you end up with our drive Rick?"

Rick was silent a moment. "We know about the vaccine." A nervous look passed between the doctors. "We want twenty doses of it to take back to our people. Promise us that and we'll tell you everything you want to know."

Dr. Wright closed his eyes and sighed and Dr. Mayhew figeted with his glasses. Finally Dr. Wright said, "Yes....there's a vaccine, but there's not much left now. Not twenty even. We are trying to make more but we're running out of time."

Daryl narrowed his eyes at them. "Out of time?"

Dr. Mayhew nodded. "This facility can't run much longer, not like a lab anyway. We've got enourmous energy needs and nothing but solar power and generators now. We've got about a month left of fuel before we'll have to shut down operations and go dark. The solar panels will keep one small wing open for living in, maybe indefinitely, but all the research will come to a halt."

Rick said, "So what's stopping you from making it now?"

Dr. Wright turned to the brute at the door. "Chuck, go get some dinner for our guests and bring it here." Chuck nodded and lumbered out the door.

Daryl stared after him. "Where the hell did you find HIM? Never seen no nurse like that."

Dr. Ross, Allison, smiled a bit. "Yes, Chuck is....unique. Not your typical nurse."

Chuck returned with water and two trays piled with hot food. He set it down on a wheeled table and scooted it towards Rick and Daryl. Daryl looked at it like it might be poison, but they were famished.

Dr. Wright said, "Thank you Chuck. We won't need you anymore." Chuck gave one last distrustful look at Daryl then left. "I suppose you want to hear the whole story about the vaccine. Well go ahead and eat up boys. Its a long one."

\--------

"What we're about to tell you is....well, was....highly classified information. But given the current situation, it doesn't seem to matter much anymore. About five years ago, DARPA, the research arm of the military, began testing out a new type of virus on rats. They found that while the rats acted perfectly normally while infected, once they died, the virus quickly multiplied in nervous system tissue, particularly in the brain stem and spinal cord. This caused those areas of the brain to keep on firing, even after the animal was otherwise dead."

"They also found that the virus caused firing in the amygdala, a part of the brain that controls feeding behavior and intense emotion. Particularly rage. Essentially, the rats were being driven around by the virus, ravenous and pissed off as hell. They'd kill and cannibalize their cage mates, no matter if they were twice their size. Only destruction of the brain would stop them. To DARPA, it must have seemed like the perfect weapon. Infect soldiers while alive, and they'd have no ill effects. But when they died on the battlefield, their body would become a new type of killing machine. One that felt no fear or pain and kept on going, on killing. They called them 'bots' when they died and the virus activated."

"In the beginning, the virus also conferred extreme strength and increased muscle mass on the rats. DARPA got huge funds from the government to turn this into a way to create super-soldiers and started human trials. Chuck who you met was one of the very first soldiers to volunteer for 'the treatment.' He's nearly twice as big as he was before due to the virus laying dormant in the host's muscles, causing them to enlarge. I've seen him crush a skull like it was an eggshell."

Daryl exchanged a look with Rick and made a mental note not to piss off Chuck again.

"Twenty soldiers were in the first trial, and they were sent into battlefields around the world- Iraq, Afghanistan, and the dozens of little wars you don't even know about. Their commanding officers were told to closely observe them, alive and dead, but not why. Some like Chuck came back alive and were studied. Others didn't and caused a small scandal when they....turned to bots....sometimes turning on their own comrades, sometimes infiltrating enemy lines like DARPA hoped."

"Scandal or not, the proof of concept was there. It worked in people. America could have an army of soldiers who didn't die. Against our recommendations, hundreds of soldiers were given the virus, many without knowing it. More and more reports of strange happenings after they died, enemies confused and scattered, and DARPA was initially pleased."

Dr. Wright paused and sighed heavily. "Then, something awful happened. The virus must have mutated because a civilian who died in some crossfire in Iraq became a bot. Then it happened again in another location where infected soldiers had deployed. DARPA was desperately trying to cover all this up, even up to the very end. Most of those even in the government didn't know. But the cases exploded quickly, exponentially, so that only just a week passed before we were hearing from governments all over the world that they were being over-run with bots. And America was no different, obviously."

"When the virus mutated to infect and go airborne, all of us here knew that the worst case scenario had really happened. The scenario we'd told DARPA about, warned them about. The one smart thing DARPA did was co-develop a vaccine that would inactivate the virus in the muscles and degrade it. It was considered a back-up to save the infected test subjects should something go wrong. But they only made a few hundred doses, just enough for the number of original test subjects. When DARPA fell, a scientist- Dr. Mayhew- brought them and Chuck here."

"The President, Congress, some government officials all demanded to be vaccinated and instructed us to make more. They left DC months ago for Camp David and we haven't heard from them since. Since then, we also tried to send scientists and instructions on how to make the vaccine to 3 other labs. One went to Harvard, another to John's Hopkins, one went to the CDC in Atlanta. None have contacted us and none of our scientists have come back. We sent two of our best scientists, a husband and wife team that had worked on the vaccine itself, in a helicopter to a military camp just outside Atlanta. The commander there was supposed to guide them into Atlanta and deliver the information to the the CDC. This was our best hope because the CDC was fortified and had back-up power like we did."

"We never heard anything from any of them. And yours is the only drive that came back," Allison said.

"As to your question as to why we can't make more vaccine. Its simple. We can. But in order to make it we need brain tissue from a healthy human being. And the extraction procedure is inherently fatal."

Rick suddenly felt very, very uncomfortable. They'd both stopped eating and were staring at the scientists.

"As you can imagine, there aren't many willing volunteers lining up to undergo the process." Dr. Mayhew took off his glasses and cleaned the lenses, then replaced them. The word 'willing' hung in the air. "But as Dr. Wright said, we're running out of time. In a month, we won't be able to make the vaccine even if we had a hundred volunteers."

"You need to kill a normal person to make more....how much more can you make if someone....volunteered?" Daryl was looking hard at Dr. Mayhew.

"About 200 doses."

Daryl asked, "And if I volunteered, would you....give us...give Rick....the doses we needed for our people?" Rick turned sharply to Daryl, raising his voice, "NO, no way! Daryl, don't even think about--"

Dr. Wright cut Rick off, "Yes. We would. I give you my word."

Daryl let his head fall into his hands. Rick was irate, shaking his head and pulling against the handcuffs. "Daryl, NO! This is crazy! Its not worth this!"

Daryl looked up at Rick and then at the three scientists, "Gimme some time to think about it." He stood up and paced the room, running his hands through his hair nervously. "I need time."

The three scientists stood up. Dr. Wright looked at Daryl and Rick and actually looked sad. "Think it over tonight. But we don't have much time to give." He knocked on the door and Chuck unlocked and opened it. They solemnly left the room. Chuck approached Rick and Daryl and unlocked their handcuffs then lumbered out of the room with their empty trays, shutting and locking the door.

Rick and Daryl were alone again.

Rick was boiling over with fear and rage. He couldn't let Daryl even think this was an option, let alone agree to it! "Daryl, you can NOT do what they are asking. Nothing is worth that, you hear me? Nothing! No way in HELL I'd let you!"

Daryl stopped pacing and came back over to Rick's bed. "Rick, it could mean life, hope for everyone back at the prison. For Carl, for Judith..."

"At what price??? Daryl, I won't let you pay the price for all of us. How would I ever look at their faces again without seeing yours...without thinking about what you did....."

"Rick, this way I can save you, save all of you. I never meant nothing in this world. Was worthless before, worthless still. But if I did this, my life would make a real difference."

"You do make a difference! You make a difference to me!" Rick reached out for him, but this time it was Daryl who stepped back and turned away.

Tears welled up in Rick's eyes. He felt desperate now and saw he was losing this fight, losing Daryl. "Please...." He held out his uninjured hand to Daryl. 

"Rick, give me one reason I shouldn't. You know its right. One life for 200...." He was trembling, his voice wavering. Inside, Daryl's heart was beating nearly out of his chest. He didn't want to die, but even more than that, he wanted Rick to live. Rick would get over him and move on, but this way, he would never forget Daryl for his whole life.

"Because.....because....I wouldn't want to live without you. Because.... I love you." Rick said it so softly he wasn't sure Daryl heard. But Daryl turned around slowly to face Rick, tears streaming down his bewildered face. Rick reached for him again and he was in Rick's arms, crying as hard as Rick was.

"If you love me Daryl, don't do this. Please, it would kill me. Please don't do it. I do.....I love you." Rick kissed Daryl's head as he hugged him tightly on the hospital bed, rocking back and forth. "I do....I do...so much."

And Daryl was back in the safety of his mother's arms, where nothing could hurt him, nothing could touch him. Where all was warmth and joy and light. And he knew now that that had been real, but not as real as this. And he thanked god, or whoever was or wasn't watching this damned world and the damned people on it, thanked them that he was too weak to sacrifice even a moment in Rick's arms when he knew Rick loved him. Two hundred, two million, ten billion. Daryl would have killed every person who had ever walked the Earth before ever leaving those arms.

"Daryl promise me. You won't. Promise me...promise..."

"I....I promise." 

Rick laughed in a half-crazed way and held Daryl tighter. Smiling and crying.

Daryl was smiling too, when a fear crept into his happiness and cast a long shadow. Something Dr. Mayhew had said. Willing. Not too many willing volunteers. It had struck him odd then and hit him hard now. Dr. Mayhew was from DARPA, and DARPA had already done terrible, unspeakable things. And now they were truly desperate. Rick and Daryl might be their last chance.

And the terrifying truth hit him: there was no way these scientists would ever let them leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked my explanation about the source of the virus. Yay evil government being the perfect scapegoat. >:0
> 
> Now that Daryl has a real reason to live, how will the scientists take his refusal of their offer? And how will they escape the NIH?


	18. Out of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl weigh their options for escape and find an unlikely friend.

Daryl whispered softly in to Rick's ear, "Rick, I know they gotta be watching us, maybe listening to us too." Rick stilled and listened as Daryl went on. "If I tell them no, I got a bad feeling neither of us are walking out of here alive."

Rick tensed and whispered urgently back into Daryl's ear. "Don't mean you'll say yes....."

"No. I promised you, and no way in hell I could now anyway. Not after what you said." His fingers intwined into Rick's hair.

Rick sighed a little in relief. "That Dr. Mayhew. Don't like the way he looked at us....he's just seeing those vaccines. Not living people."

"I know. Felt that too. Should I play along with it? Pretend to say yes?"

Rick paused. He didn't know what would happen after Daryl agreed, pretending or not. For all he knew Daryl would be taken right away, giving them no chance to find a way out of this. "No. We'll stall as long as we can. I hope that they would still rather have a willing sacrifice than blood on their hands." Why else would Dr. Wright have told them so much if not to try to win them over? Didn't doctors have to take an oath to first do no harm? Rick hoped it still meant something to them.

Daryl whispered emphatically, "I don't want to leave here empty-handed. The cures may be just fuckin' sittin' there!" 

"Me neither but we know nothing about this place. We'd be damn lucky just to get out."

Daryl thought of the horde of walkers in the street, waiting for them outside the walls of the NIH. One step out the door and they'd be exposed immediately with no chance to camouflage themselves like before. "I hate to say it, but you're in no shape to make the trek back. Not like this."

Rick nodded sadly. Even just talking with the doctors and the emotions afterwards had drained him. The long miles between them and the prison seemed an impossible distance. He let his head fall onto Daryl's shoulder. "Fuck." His head shot up as he remembered something. "They've got a helicopter. Remember? We saw it fly over us on the way here."

"Can you fly it?"

"No.... but its amazing what you can learn to do when you've got no other choice."

Daryl smiled a bit to hear Rick's bravado returning. "Ok, so first things first. Getting the hell out of this room."

"If we look like we're trying to escape they'll lock us back up in handcuffs for sure. We gotta wait until someone unlocks the door and then take our chance."

"Chuck....."

"Yeah, Chuck." Rick was no match for him on his best day and certainly not as he was now. "If we can get them to trust us somehow, maybe they'll lower their guard enough for us to make a move."

"How?"

"I'm not sure, but it'll come to me. We've gotten out of worse together."

Daryl wasn't sure they had, but nodded anyway. Enmeshed together, so close to Rick, he felt he could do anything.

\-------------

Rick passed out not too long after, despite his best efforts to keep awake. He was still just too weak. Daryl went through their stuff and his heart sank to see they'd taken anything that could be used as a weapon. Rick's Desert Eagle, his crossbow, their hunting knives. 

Daryl heard the lock click in the door and Chuck came in wheeling a cot. He pushed it next to the wall and laid some sheets and a pillow on top, then made to leave.

"Wait..." Daryl wanted to ask him some questions. Chuck turned to face him and for the first time he noticed a small scar above Chuck's left eye, a precise line, a surgical scar. "Sorry 'bout before. How long you been here?"

Chuck just shrugged. 

"How many people are here?"

Chuck didn't answer.

Daryl narrowed his eyes at him. "Are these scientists good people Chuck? Can we trust them?" Chuck glanced up at the camera. Yes, someone was watching and probably listening. Chuck backed up towards the door and slipped out before Daryl could ask him anything else. But the look on his face told Daryl what he wanted to know. They couldn't be trusted.

Daryl sighed and walked over to the cot. He lifted up the sheets but when he did he saw a flash of metal underneath. A knife was there hidden beneath the linens! God bless mutherfuckin' Chuck! He slipped it into the waistband of his scrubs, careful to keep his back to the camera, then made up the bed. Was Chuck on their side, wanted to help them escape maybe? Did he know something about the scientists' plans and was too scared to tell them? Or just couldn't?

He scooted the cot next to a still-sleeping Rick and laid down, his head weary and full of doubt. He reached over and took Rick's hand. They'd come so far together, both in miles and in other ways, and it had changed them both.

Looking at Rick, he still could barely believe what Rick had said just a few hours earlier. _I love you_. He hadn't said like Ash always had, a castoff phrase to draw Daryl closer without truly giving him anything. But had he only said it to keep Daryl from sacrificing himself? In desperation because he knew it would stop him? But Rick had other people to love, other people who needed that vaccine. And he'd still stopped him. So Rick must care...must care...he loves me.... _he loves me_. He kept saying it over and over until sleep was upon him.

\-------

When they woke, breakfast was already there waiting.

"Man, musta passed out. Feel a ton better though." Rick grabbed a plate and started to eat.

"Me too." Daryl leaned in like he was embracing Rick and whispered, "Chuck left us a knife."

Rick stopped mid-chew and his eyes went wide. He pulled back a bit and Daryl just nodded and brushed his hand over his waistband to signal where it was. Rick whispered back, "Tonight." Daryl nodded again.

Dr. Mayhew came in with a cart after they had eaten and checked Rick's bandaged wrist. "Yes....yes...looks much better. No infection. And how are you feeling?" He had a clipboard and was writing down Rick's vitals from the myriad machines in the room.

"A lot better actually. Stronger."

Dr. Mayhew was checking his temperature, blood pressure, etc., and as he was, Rick got a chance to get a good look at him. He was in his late 20s or early 30s with ink black hair and light green eyes behind his gold-rimmed glasses. He had a strong jaw and smelled like people smelled before all this happened. Clean. His clothes smelled like fresh laundry and Rick inhaled that scent he'd missed. Rick thought he saw the swell of muscles even beneath his white coat, maybe not surprising for a military man. But he'd seen no hardship, no roads like they had. His face was smooth and unlined with trouble. And actually, Rick admitted he was goddam gorgeous.

Daryl noticed too and wanted him to stop touching Rick right now. He clenched his hands into fists, fighting back the urge to deck this man.

"Hmmm....blood pressure a bit low." Dr. Mayhew finally looked up from his scribblings and turned to Daryl. "And have you had enough time....to think things over?"

Daryl looked down at his fists and replied, "Not yet, need a bit more."

"Yes, well it is a weighty decision. But we don't have much time." Dr. Mayhew looked at him impatiently. "Chuck will take you to the showers to get cleaned up Daryl." Chuck came in the room then, holding some pairs of handcuffs. "Hold out your hands, its just a precaution." Rick nodded to Daryl and Daryl reluctantly did so. Chuck clicked the cuffs shut. Maybe he'd get a chance to ask him about the knife. Plus, going outside this room meant he could case the place a bit.

Dr. Mayhew motioned to Rick and Chuck walked over to him, handcuffing both his hands to the bedrail. Chuck handed Dr. Mayhew the key. Rick looked up in anger, "What's this for?"

"I'll have to wash you here. Can't have you passing out in the shower or getting the bandage wet."

Daryl shot him daggers. "The hell you are!" He walked towards Rick but a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him. Chuck maneuvered him out the door, still protesting, and pushed him gently down the hall towards the showers. He didn't like leaving Rick alone with Dr. Mayhew at all...for more reasons than one.

As Chuck led him down the hall, he noticed that every room he passed seemed empty and the entire building was eerily quiet. The drone of machines hummed in the background but lab after lab was deserted. Chuck turned into a locker room with showers just beyond and motioned Daryl in. Inside, they were alone and Daryl didn't guess there'd be cameras here.

He turned to Chuck, "Why're you helping us?"

Chuck finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't let them kill anybody else. I can't kill anyone else."

Daryl looked at him suspiciously, "Anybody else? Whattaya mean?"

"You two aren't the first trying to get in here. In the beginning, lots were. Looking for shelter, food, for answers. The scientists would take them in and try to convince them to…volunteer. Then they just started taking even the ones that didn't want to do it." Chuck's eyes darted around nervously. "Were more of us then. Now just the four of us."

"What happened to the rest?"

"They got volunteered."

Daryl's mouth hung open a little. "They've been killing everyone off to…make the vaccine? Even the other people who were here?"

Chuck nodded darkly. "They been trying to get it right but have failed every time, dozens of times now. That's why they sent them drives out. For help. They're desperate. They want the cures for themselves, to vaccinate themselves."

Daryl was surprised, "You mean they ain't vaccinated?"

"No. There's none left. Government officials came through here months ago and took everything for themselves."

"Hell if I'm gonna be their guinea pig."

Chuck nodded. "But they won't let either of you go now. They want your friend healthy and strong so they can perform the extraction on him too. But you, they might take any time. I saw Dr. Ross today prepping the surgical arena. They might even do it tomorrow."

"Shit! We gotta get outta here tonight then!" Daryl thought of Rick, alone with Dr. Mayhew, and felt panicked. But he considered Chuck again, "Why are you helping us…..really?"

"I have to stop them. Its a lost cause, but they just haven't accepted it. There will be no more cures. There's no more labs now anywhere, else we would have heard from someone." Chuck watched the door nervously. "All the people who have come here looking for hope just found death. And I….I've killed too. In wars, yes, but I've killed many here by helping the scientists. But it has to end. I'm going to try and leave this place, if I can." Chuck sighed. "I want some redemption….for what I've done."

Daryl was quiet a moment. "Why'd you help them, when you knew what they were doing?"

Chuck shrugged. "Been takin' orders my whole life. This virus, the vaccine, its a part of me, who I am. And when the shit hit the fan….didn't know what else to do really. Thought at first they could save the world. Thought they wanted to try and solve this thing….for all of us." He snorted in contempt. "But they just want to save themselves." 

"How can we get outta here? Rick still ain't strong."

"Tonight, I'll come get you. Be ready." He then motioned to the showers, the reason they'd supposedly came. "Hurry and wash up now. Else they'll get to looking for us."

\----

Dr. Mayhew took off his glasses and turned to Rick. "Now please don't struggle. We need to keep you clean and free of infection." Without his glasses, his green eyes looked stunning. He walked over to Rick's IV and did something but Rick couldn't see what.

"Dr. Mayhew, I can do this myself...."

He smiled. "Call me Eric. And no, you can't." He had wheeled in a cart with him with water, soap, antiseptic, and some clean scrubs. Also some large scissors. He took the scissors and cut Rick's shirt at the sleeves then pulled it away. Rick shivered a little at the cold air and noticed he was suddenly feeling very relaxed. Not as groggy as before, but like every muscle in his body that had been tight for months suddenly decided to let go. He felt the wet soft sponge being drawn across his chest and arms, but it was like a dream.

"Eric...."

"Shhhh. Just relax." He scrubbed behind Rick's back and on his face. Rick felt very odd. Had Eric put something in his IV? He struggled a little but a warm hand on his chest pushed him gently back on the bed.

"I won't let you hurt Daryl..."

"You care for him, don't you?" Rick dreamily nodded.

"You've come a long way?"

Rick wanted to stop himself from talking but couldn't somehow. "From Atlanta."

Eric nodded and kept sponging Rick. "And the drive? Where did you find it?"

Rick internally shouted NO! but the words just kept tumbling from his mouth, "A military camp close to our home in....a prison. In a helicopter we found a briefcase...." Rick tried again to stop and did.

"Who was in the camp?"

Willpower slipping away. "No one. Everyone was dead."

Eric stopped washing him for a moment then resumed. He said, more to himself than to Rick, "So, they never made it to the CDC."

"The CDC is gone too, was blown up by the last guy standing. Before we left Atlanta." Why couldn't he stop talking?!

Eric got a serious look on his face and put the sponge down. That seemed to upset him. He stared at Rick and whispered, "And the world out there? You've seen the road between here and Atlanta. Are people alive? The cities still there?"

It struck Rick how little the scientists really knew about what was happening now. "Charlotte bombed. Atlanta in ruins. Everything overrun with walkers...or bots... as you call them. Some small pockets of people alive. Not many and not all you'd wanna meet." Eric's face blurred a little in front of him.

Eric untied Rick's pants and pulled them off his legs. He had nothing underneath and was fully exposed to Eric, who seemed to be gazing at Rick's muscular body with more than medical interest. Eric ran the sponge over and under his legs. "What else did you find at the camp?"

"A satchel…..watch, rings, clothes, an old phone, some pictures."

The soft touch and being so naked under Eric's gaze was having an effect on Rick. He could feel is cock hardening against his will, that warm wet sponge was brushing against him like hands. "You don't have those things now--where are they?"

"Daryl…has the watch. Left the rest in a car outside of town…a Prius..." Why did Eric want to know about that other stuff? All of it seemed useless to Rick. But maybe they'd missed something…..He wanted to ask but found it too hard to fight through his haze. Eric dried him off and put a new pair of scrubs on him, leaving the shirt beside Rick on the chair. Through bleary eyes he saw Eric smugly half-smiling down at the hardness in his pants as he stood up. 

"Glad to see you enjoyed out little chat as much as I did."

The door opened and Chuck came in with Daryl, his hair wet and in fresh scrubs. Eric unlocked Rick's cuffs and pushed the cart out the door past them. Chuck unlocked Daryl's cuffs and they exchanged a look before he left.

Immediately Daryl was beside Rick, sitting on his bed and whispering, "Chuck's gonna help us. Tonight. Gonna get us outta here. We got to be ready."

Rick nodded but could only partially register Daryl's words. "Eric…he gave me something…"

Daryl didn't like Rick using the doctor's first name, and his eyes narrowed. "Eric?" He saw Rick's blown pupils. "What'd that fucker do to you?"

"Made me answer a bunch of questions. Wanted to know about the other stuff we found. Think he…put truth serum in my IV or something…"

Daryl looked down at Rick's pants and noticed he was hard beneath his scrubs and his jealousy flared hot, blinding him to all else. Dr. Mayhew…. _Eric_ ….had been touching Rick, _his Rick_ , and now Rick was hard, what the fuck? Daryl pulled Rick's scrubs down and grabbed his cock. Rick softly moaned but shook his head, "No…Daryl..not here--what are you doing? They might be watching…."

"You think I give a fuck if they watch? Let that prissy shit Eric watch if he wants to." He spit on his hand and stroked Rick's shaft and Rick, disoriented as he was, couldn't fight back or do much to stop Daryl. He tilted his head back and his head swam dizzily with the sensations Daryl was giving him. "Yeah, you like that don't you…" Rick could only nod. Damn…the truth serum was still coursing though him and he couldn't lie or even put up the slightest psychological defense.

Daryl thought of that too. "Rick…did you want Eric to touch you like this?"

 _Fuck!_   "Daryl, don't do this to me…"

"Did you?"

Rick hissed, "Yes…" Daryl squeezed his cock and stroked a little rougher.

"Do you wish Shane was still alive?"

"Yes"

"Do you wish I was Shane and you had with him what you have with me?"

"I swear to god Daryl if you don't stop this--"

Daryl cut him off, "Answer me Rick."

"NO dammit." He was panting a little, edging closer to orgasm but also feeling intense fury that Daryl was taking advantage of his weakened state.

Daryl was actually surprised by Rick's answer. Then he asked what he really wanted to know. "Did you lie when you said you loved me?" He felt Rick tensing up, so close, and started stroking near the head, faster, firmer. Rick gasped and arched into Daryl's hand.

"No….." Rick let go and felt a wave of euphoria fill him, heightened by whatever drug Eric had pushed into his IV. He shot ropes of cum onto his belly and Daryl's hand, and Daryl kept on stroking until Rick had to stop him. He relaxed again, feeling more weak than ever and at the razor edge of consciousness. He felt sleep overtaking him, his eyes closing.

"Daryl….I didn't lie…..but I swear I am going to kick your ass later…." His eyes closed, asleep.

Daryl wiped his hand and Rick's stomach and then turned directly to the camera, licking each finger clean, wordlessly saying _He's mine_.

\--------

The doctors didn't come in for the rest of the day and Chuck only brought meals silently. But true to his word, Daryl heard the lock click and the door slowly crept open around 1 am that night. Chuck slipped inside and immediately covered the camera with a dark cloth. He turned to Daryl and held up his finger like "shhhhhh" and handed him a bag he'd been carrying. Daryl looked inside and saw….his crossbow and Rick's gun! He beamed up at Chuck, "Hell ya!"

He nudged Rick awake. "Rick….shhhh….its time to go now. We're getting the hell outta here."

Rick's eyes fluttered open. The drugs had worn off and he snapped to full attention hearing Daryl's voice. He felt his Eagle being placed in his hand as Chuck carefully removed his IV from his hand. He looked up at Chuck, "Whoever you are….thank you." Chuck just nodded silently as Daryl grabbed the rest of their stuff. Rick stiffly got up, he still felt a little weak but the adrenaline was giving him all the strength and bravery he'd need to walk…or run, if he had to. 

Daryl waited by the door, loading up his crossbow. Damn he'd missed it, without it he'd felt like he was missing a part of his own body. Chuck helped Rick over to the door and stopped them. "Listen. We're gonna head for the roof, there's a helicopter. You gotta take the stairs and its about four floors up." He turned to Rick. "Think you can make it?" Rick nodded confidently then checked that his gun was loaded. 

Chuck went on, a low whisper. "When you get up to the roof, use this key to start the helicopter." He shoved a key into Rick's hand. "It's not just any helicopter, its a prototype by DARPA. Use the emergency evacuation program and the GPS. It will automatically fly to the location you specify, within 700 miles. "

"Aren't you coming with us?" Daryl asked.

Chuck just shook his head. He held up a rifle. "I got some business here to finish."

Rick pocketed the key. "Chuck….if you kill these scientists….our last hope for a cure dies with them." 

Chuck gave Rick a sad half-smile. "That hope already died a long time ago." Rick nodded in disappointment. All the long miles they hoped. That hope had kept them going after nearly dying so many times. It was a hard reality to accept. Daryl put a hand on his shoulder and he realized then it was not for nothing. No, they hadn't found the cure to the death they carried in them all, but Rick had found another kind of salvation. Daryl locked eyes with him. "Ready?" He nodded and Chuck pushed the door open slightly to look into the hall. It was clear and he motioned them forward.

They silently padded down the long dark hall, past the locker room that Daryl had seen before. At the end of a corridor was the entrance to a stairwell. Chuck turned to them. "Four floors up. Don't stop for anythi--" A loud click behind them made him stop and wheel around. 

An even voice, Eric's voice. "Chuck, what are you doing?" They turned and saw he was holding a handgun, trained on Chuck's head.

Chuck growled, "I'm not gonna stand by while you murder more people. Not anymore."

"You've already got blood on your hands Chuck. You aren't innocent either. Now bring these two back to their room with me."

Rick and Daryl raised their weapons. Daryl spat. "Hell if I'm going anywhere with you. I know what you're all doing."

Eric turned to Daryl. "Doing?! What we're doing is trying to save what's left of humanity."

Rick sneered, "By killing people?"

Eric shrugged, "A few sacrifices of no consequence to save millions? You're saying you wouldn't do it?"

Daryl squinted at Eric down the sight of his bow. "You don't even know what you're doin'. All these people dead and where's the cures, huh?"   

Eric looked at Chuck, realizing his full betrayal. "We've gotten closer every time….yes, we're almost there."

Chuck took a step towards Eric. "Your experiments are through. Either you can walk out the front door and take your chances or I kill you here, now."

That wiped the calm smug look off Eric's face. "You'd be sentencing me to death out there! Chuck, after all we've done for you…."

Chuck raged, "What?! Turned me into a monster? Your lab rat to toy with? Your henchman to do your dirty work?" He glared at Eric murderously. "Fuck that. I'm through with you." He spoke to Rick and Daryl without letting his gaze leave Eric. "Go. Now. Do what I said."

They kept their weapons aimed at Eric and slipped through the stairwell door, then broke into a run up the stairs. Halfway up, a gunshot rang out, echoing up the stairs. They stopped just long enough to hope that it was Chuck that pulled the trigger and kept on running. They bust through the door at the top, and it was there just like Chuck had said. A large black helicopter unlike any Rick or Daryl had ever seen.

Rick pulled the door handle and they threw their gear inside and got in. Daryl looked at the controls in confusion. He'd never used a GPS in a car let alone anything this complicated. Rick took out his map from his bag and turned to Daryl.

"Daryl we got to go back to the Prius first."

"What?! Rick, this thing can go 700 miles, you heard Chuck. We can go all the way back to the prison maybe."

"I know, but there's something in the Prius. Eric --Dr. Mayhew--kept asking about the other things we found in that satchel. He wanted them. I think there's something important there."

"Forget about that stuff! There's no way its important now."

"Daryl, just trust me ok? I got a feeling."

Daryl gave him a dubious look but he knew it was no use arguing with Rick. They'd be going back to the Prius whether he liked it or not. He gave a short nod, but Rick was already buckling up and punching into the helicopter's GPS. Rick took a deep breath and then pressed the button labeled 'ENGAGE.' As he did, they felt the power of the helicopter roar to life and the blades began their quickening rotations.

The controls were beeping and flashing. Rick hoped he'd done it right. "Here goes nothing." He flashed a smile over at Daryl, who was still brooding about going back to the Prius. But Rick's smile melted him, and as they soared out over the crumbling city devoid of all the lights and life it once held, he smirked back at Rick and knew, today, they were gods. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer posting time with this chapter. It was a crazy week and I had to work on it in little spurts. Then rewrote the whole thing cause I wasn't happy with it. BUT I hope you like it. :)  
> Next chapter- they go back to the Prius and might find something there they'd missed before. Also, Rick takes some smutty revenge on Daryl for taking advantage of him under the influence ;)  
> Come back soon!  
> And I always appreciate your comments, so much. <3


	19. To the Victor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battles in the darkness, without and within.

In fifteen minutes they were near where they'd left the Prius, just at the outskirts of Bethesda. The helicopter automatically scanned for a clear place to land, setting down in the grassy median between the major highway lanes.

Rick unbuckled and slid open the door. He yelled to Daryl over the roar of the helicopter's blades and wind, "I'm gonna run for the car and just grab the stuff and run back. Cover me!" Daryl nodded into the fierce wind, and hoisted and loaded his crossbow. He hoped like hell Rick knew what he was doing.

Rick darted out into the highway and ran straight for the Prius amid the sea of vehicles. Walkers were beginning to trundle towards the massive noise of the helicopter--he'd have to hurry. He threw open the backdoor and grabbed everything they'd left, which wasn't much. But he made sure to grab the contents of the satchel- rings, photos, clothes, phone. When he'd double-checked, he slammed the door and came face to face with a walker just a few feet ahead. A sudden impact propelled the walker forward and Rick saw a bolt from Daryl's crossbow jutting from its skull as he stepped over it and ran back to the helicopter.

Daryl was leaning out of the open door, screaming "Get in!" above the noise while fending off two approaching walkers. Rick kicked one down and shot its head to pieces with his gun then jumped inside the helicopter and pulled the door shut before the other could grab him. They were slowly being surrounded, and Rick saw something splatter against the window as one walker stepped too close to the tail blade.

He buckled up and quickly punched in a spot near the prison into the GPS and jammed the 'ENGAGE' button again. "C'mon, c'mon!" The controls beeped and lit up again and to both of their great relief the helicopter sped up and began to lift off the ground. A couple walkers were hanging on to the landing rails but fell to the ground when they started to move forward into the night once again.

Daryl let out a sigh of relief and let his head fall back on the copilot seat. "Shit...."

Rick breathed out as well, then examined the helicopter's controls. "I think we got enough fuel to get all the way home Daryl."

"Home....heh, never thought I'd be so happy to see the inside of a prison."

Rick turned his attention to the stuff he'd retrieved from the car. He considered each item- could something be hidden in one? He picked up the phone, the only thing big enough to possibly hold something inside. It was an older Nokia phone, pretty outdated now that he thought about it. Dead. But oddly, it didn't have any charging outlets. As he fiddled with it, his fingers brushed a sliding button and he pressed it forward. The lower half of the phone slightly seperated from the top and slid forward.

Daryl looked over to see what Rick was doing and gasped. "Rick.....are those...."

"Syringes." Rick stared at the five small capped syringes lined up inside the phone's case. Each held a dose of milky liquid, labeled with a string of numbers and letters. There was only one thing they could be.

Daryl's eyes met Rick's in amazement. "We had them the whole goddam time."

Rick shut the phone case in one hand and his other hand covered his face and he let out a laugh- a sad, mad, crazy laugh. He looked up at Daryl again, happy and furious and exhausted. "Well, I guess we won't be going home empty-handed after all."  
\-----

As Daryl softly snored in the cockpit next to him, Rick kept opening up the cell phone just to look at the syringes. Five vials of hope. Now, with the scientists likely dead, these were probably the five last vaccines out there and there would never be more. He felt almost guilty to have them. Could he truly believe that they deserved this? That five people of his group were the five most important people left on Earth? He clicked the case closed again and stared out at the horizon. The bloody dawn had cut a line of light to the east, behind them, and was slowly bleeding into the rest of the landscape. They headed southwest, home, and the sky was still dark and cloudy in that direction.

He didn't feel as happy as he'd thought he would, holding his prize. He knew _he_ didn't deserve it. 

Carl and Judith….they deserved this, a new life without fear. But they were innocent. They could still grow up and be good people, the people Rick knew they would be without the heavy weight of this fear in their lives. He wanted Daryl to have one, but that was for selfish reasons. The feelings he had for Daryl had only intensified over the past weeks, despite his best attempts to push them and Daryl away. He'd run from them in his mind, and they'd only followed him.

He thought back with shame at his moment of weakness in front of Daryl, when he'd admitted he'd loved him. That was not meant to happen, ever.

He had never wanted to leave himself so exposed ever again but in that moment he had lost control. He would have done anything, said anything, to get Daryl to promise not to sacrifice himself to those Frankensteins. But he hadn't been ready, probably never would have been ready. Self-loathing washed over him, he was feeling weaker than he ever had with Shane. Rick hadn't forgotten how close he'd come to being killed by Shane over Lori. He'd been blinded to Shane's true intentions the whole time because of his feelings for the man. And now he'd tipped his hand to Daryl and Daryl could hurt him. Anger crept into his heart, anger at Daryl for putting him in this position and for then taking advantage of him under the truth serum's effects. He'd made Rick admit to it **again** , doubling his shame and cementing its truth.

Fear fueled all the dark emotions in Rick, all the ones he tried not to believe he really had. They churned his guts, and for the first time since they'd left the prison he felt really afraid. He'd been completely confident in the face of leaving his kids, gunfire, zombies, cannibals, injury, psycho scientists, the real possibility of no hope of any cure. He'd never doubted himself for a moment. But now, with the very thing he'd sought resting in his open palm, he felt actual fear.

He wanted to hurt something. He wanted to hurt Daryl.

\-------

A few hours after dawn, the sun shone brightly into the helicopter and woke Daryl. He stretched and yawned, and looked over at Rick with a smile. "How much longer we got to go?"

Rick was poring over his map, not looking up at Daryl. 

"Rick?"

Rick looked up and his face was blank, like he was seeing through Daryl. "Hmmm?"

"How much further 'till we get to the prison?"

Rick checked the controls. "Huh, we been traveling a bit over 100 mph since around 2 am. So…actually, we should be there in about 30 minutes." He went back to staring at his map. 

"Jesus….can't fuckin' wait to be back in my own bed again, shitty as it is." He leaned back in the chair with a grin and swatted at Rick's map playfully. "Are you gonna be in it too?" 

Rick looked up and met Daryl's eyes. "No, Daryl, I won't be."

The smile fell immediately from Daryl's face and he sat up in the chair. "What the fuck Rick? What're you sayin'?"

"What I said before…..I'm sorry but I just can't let myself feel that way, not again."

"You saying you didn't mean it? But the truth serum…."

Rick's face darkened at that memory. "No….I did mean it." Daryl looked extremely confused, and the hurt was starting sink in. But Rick steel-clad his heart to Daryl's emotions. He folded up the map and looked out at the sky. "Daryl, yes, I care for you….love you even. If someone like me can really feel love. I don't know if I can really, but I have nothing else to compare it to."

Daryl struggled to understand. "So you admit it then…you love me! But--"

"I don't want to Daryl. I don't want to love anyone or anything ever again. It almost got me killed once and no matter how many times you say you aren't Lori, aren't Shane, you don't see that you **are just like them**. Don't you think they said the same things to me? Don't you think I shared things with them and believed that they understood me too?" Rick shook his head resolutely, but his tone softened seeing Daryl's devastation. "Daryl its better, safer this way. We've just been kidding ourselves."

Daryl was trembling with hurt and fury, yelling, "You fuckin' coward! You think you're some island, that if you lock yourself away no one can hurt you! What the fuck are you afraid of feeling?"

Rick stared at him. "Anything."

Daryl turned away from him, staring out the window clutching his crossbow. "Then you really are the walking dead, and no cure will change that."

Daryl's words cut Rick deeply and he wanted to rage, scream, cry, run far, far away. One part of him wanted to speak words of comfort, apology, love to Daryl. Another wanted to knock his head clean off. It was the private war Rick had fought so many times before with anyone who fell into his orbit. Angry tears welled in his eyes. "I can't change who I am."

"Yes you can Rick! I've seen you change, when you wanted to. I've seen beneath that fuckin' armor you put up. I didn't just imagine it! I didn't dream it!"

Hot tears fell from Rick's face. "I'm empty Daryl. The armor is all there is."

Daryl whipped around and grabbed Rick's shirt in one fist pulling him closer. "No. Fuck you! You can't lie to me. Not anymore Rick." He was screaming in Rick's face, the first time he'd ever truly lost his temper with the man. He saw immediately he'd pushed Rick into something new, beyond just anger, into the blackness. Rick pushed Daryl off him hard and quickly reached for the helicopter's controls, resetting the GPS. The helicopter slightly changed direction and began to dip lower to the ground. 

"What are you doing Rick?!" The helicopter began to scan for someplace to land and Daryl saw they were at the military camp, not the prison. He looked from Rick, seething, to the approaching ground outside. "Why are we at the camp?"

As the helicopter found solid ground inside the camp, Rick grabbed his gun and held it to Daryl's head. Coldly, he said, "You're coming with me. And we'll see if you still love me after I'm done with you."

Daryl felt a shiver from Rick's sudden coldness and the implied threat, but a thrill ran through him at the same time. He knew how to push Rick, forcing him into to feeling an emotion against his will. And that flipped the switch in Rick from controlled into out of control. Daryl realized that Rick had good reason to fear feeling….anything. Even he didn't know what Rick was capable of if pushed far enough. He unbuckled himself from the cockpit seat and before he could stand, Rick was literally dragging him by his shirt out of the helicopter, throwing him to the ground outside. Rick grabbed their packs and threw them at Daryl, his Desert Eagle never leaving its aim on Daryl's heart. "The house. Go."

Daryl trembled a bit inside but grabbed their packs and started walking towards the brick house in the back of the camp. Rick was right behind him, shoving his gun into his side if he stumbled or slowed. "Rick….please, you don't need that gun!" Rick's eyes were clear and cold as glass as he just shoved Daryl forward. Daryl felt his own rage building, but his fear and anger had also translated to pure arousal, his cock hard as hell in his pants as he thought about what they'd done in that brick house. His blood splattered on the papers on the dining room table. The bed upstairs, the bed where all this had started. His cock pulsed with sick need. Yes, he wanted Rick _just like this_. 

Rick opened the back door and shoved Daryl inside then pushed him up the stairs towards the bedroom there. Once inside, Rick slammed the door. "Drop it." Daryl dropped their packs against the wall and slowly turned around to face Rick. His hardness was evident through the thin material of the hospital scrubs they both still wore and Rick gave him a dark smile. "Can't help yourself can you?"

Rick walked closer to Daryl and backhanded him across the face, splitting his lip and leaving a bright red mark across his cheek and jaw. Daryl gasped and reached out to catch the wall as he spun. This was a different Rick, a Rick truly out of control and lost to his darker side. Rick shoved Daryl into the wall, his shoulder hitting it hard. "Still love me now?"

Daryl looked up at Rick and softly said, "Yes," tasting metallic blood in his mouth as his lips moved. He reached up and wiped the blood with the back of his hand, locking eyes with an even more enraged Rick. 

Rick grabbed Daryl's shirt and got close to his face, holding the Desert Eagle against his head and grinding his groin into Daryl's. Daryl's mouth opened slightly at the pressure and pleasure and pushed back against Rick. Rick stepped back and hit him hard in the face with his fist, catching his cheekbone and cutting it. Daryl was knocked back against the wall with the blow. Rick staggered back, screaming, "Still love me Daryl?"

When Daryl's world stopped spinning, he braced himself against the wall and turned again to face Rick. He spat out some of the blood filling his mouth, "You're not gonna make me hate you Rick."

Rick started breathing heavily and paced the room in a panic, turning back to Daryl and hitting him again across the jaw, "Goddamit! Don't make me kill you!" He screamed in rage at the ceiling and grabbed his hair in frustration, falling to his knees and dropping the gun at his side. 

Daryl wanted Rick to stop, but at the same time he didn't. This was what he was good for, this was what he'd been meant for his whole life. It made him feel alive and forget the emptiness inside him. The void inside Daryl was never going to go away. It would never be filled. He _was_ the void, empty as Rick.

He looked at Rick through new eyes, ones burning with tears and blood, and saw that he'd been telling him the truth before. The armor was all there was. The two of them were black holes orbiting each other in the vacuum of this dead world. Maybe love wasn't what they had. But that didn't matter. They were the same, they needed each other as much as they needed air. And that was closer to love, or perhaps more than love. A sick need that only the other could fill. 

Daryl dropped to his knees in front of Rick. He felt for the knife that had been in the waistband of his scrubs and held it out to Rick. "Rick….hurt me if you want to…..cut me….kill me..." He panted slightly, his hand trembling as he held the knife out. Rick stared down at it and reached out very slowly and took it. He looked up at Daryl, he had a black eye, a large red mark across his face, a split cheek and lip, blood smeared down his mouth and neck…..but he looked so unbelievably beautiful, so vulnerable, in complete submission to Rick. He was placing his life in Rick's hands. Rick thought about what he'd said once, on the road: _Ain't afraid you'll kill me. And ain't afraid of dying._

Rick pushed Daryl to the ground and straddled him, holding the knife and gazing at himself in its mirror edge. He didn't recognize this person, but this was who he was.

"Daryl….say you don't love me…."

Daryl just stared up at him, slowly shaking his head. He screamed again in rage and cut Daryl's shirt from his body with a loud rip. Daryl grabbed Rick's hips and pushed his cock up against him. Rick closed his eyes with pleasure and pulled his own shirt off and Daryl's palms ran up his flat stomach across his nipples then hooked around his shoulders, pulling him down. Rick collided with Daryl's open mouth and he tasted all the blood he'd put there, biting Daryl's split lip and sucking it. Daryl yelped with pain but stilled as Rick's hands were on his body at last- tangling in his hair, running down his jaw and around his neck, across his collarbone and chest. 

He reached behind Rick and grabbed his ass, hooking his legs around Rick's, desperately trying to pull him closer. Rick pulled back and tears were running down his face. "Why can't you just say it?!" His screaming voice sounded foreign. He looked at Daryl and hated himself for what he'd done, what he was doing. But it felt he was on a runaway train now. The dark machinery inside Rick was in motion and couldn't be stopped.

He stood up and lifted Daryl under his arms and pushed him onto the bed, then roughly yanked off Daryl's pants. He reached into his pack and grabbed some lengths of rope and was on top of Daryl, quickly tying his wrists and ankles to the bedposts. Daryl didn't struggle, just let Rick tie him up tight to the bed, softly sighing, remembering all the many times Ash had done this to him. He remembered every time, seared and reinforced in his brain over the years of fantasies, years of jerking off every night to this very thing. 

But it was Rick, not Ash, that now stood above him naked, holding a knife gleaming in the dim light. It had always been Rick now, always would be. Daryl's entire body felt like one large nerve ending, existing for nothing more than Rick's touch, and not having it was driving him mad. "Fuck Rick, touch me…..or cut me…..kill me….anything, please…please…." Rick's hesitation was the real torture. He struggled against the ropes and Rick's unreadable expression.

Rick set the knife down and crawled on top of Daryl and ran his fingertips down his body very lightly, just brushing the skin. Daryl arched into his touch, eyes closed, "Yesssss." Rick's fingertips came together across Daryl's throbbing cock, softly tracing there and Daryl turned his head and moaned into the bed. He leaned over Daryl and let their cocks press together as he slowly licked up Daryl's bruised cheek then sucked and bit his earlobe. Daryl was calling Rick's name softly, over and over.

Rick whispered in his ear, "This is the love I can give you." He slid one hand up Daryl's restrained body, up his side, across his chest and circled his neck, slightly squeezing. Daryl was getting a little air, but not much, and his vision and mind became blurry as he involuntarily fought against Rick's hand. Rick spit on his other hand and stroked himself then started slowly moving his cock against Daryl's. Daryl chokingly gasped at the smooth friction and tried to move to meet Rick's thrusts. 

"Daryl…this is how I could love you." Rick eased his grip and Daryl's world was technicolor again as oxygen rushed back to his brain. He gasped at both the primal rush of survival and the intense pleasure he was getting from Rick. He coughed and moaned, "…..Rick……I want you…. _I want this_ …….will you just fuckin' believe me?!"

Rick pushed up off him and that maddening friction was gone, ripped from Daryl and he screamed, "No!" He struggled helplessly as Rick looked down at him with an amused, lustful expression on his face. He crouched down and licked Daryl from the bottom of his scrotum to the tip of his cock, feeling a flow of precum as he let his tongue linger at the head. A low moan escaped Daryl's lips and he was pushing against the bed. Rick slowly, torturously licked his erection from the base to the red, throbbing head. Over and over, pressing his tongue against it, until Daryl was moaning uncontrollably and felt he might cum if Rick just licked the head a bit more, just a little more. He panted, trembling with sensations, "Rick…you're killin' me…..killin' me..." Rick smiled wickedly and sat back, not touching Daryl at all now. 

He straddled Daryl's chest, his erection filling his hand and slick with spit. Daryl gazed up at him in awe, mouth agape, his eyes filled with deep longing and lust. Rick locked his eyes and started to slowly stroke himself, touching his own body with his other hand, running it across his muscular chest and brushing, pinching his nipples. Daryl just stared, eating it all up, Rick a deity far, far above him. Rick pointed his cock down towards Daryl's mouth, running it along his busted lip. Daryl opened his mouth and leaned his head up to engulf the tip of Rick's cock, licking and sucking it wildly. Rick let his head fall back and he let out a deep breath as Daryl sucked him deeper.

"That's right, get it good and wet. Gonna fuckin' pound you till you beg." Daryl hummed on his cock in anticipation and sucked and licked faster. 

Rick pushed Daryl's head back to the bed and pulled himself out of his mouth. He spat on Daryl's cock and stroked it firmly a few times then sucked his fingers and pressed them into Daryl's entrance. Daryl exhaled hard, "Fuck yesssss" but his mouth just fell open as Rick curled against his prostate and circled it slowly. The feeling was a maddening build-up, a white-hot fire burning within him. Rick pulled his fingers out and lined up his cock in their place, pushing into Daryl in one rough thrust. Daryl gasped at the feeling of being filled so suddenly, there was a sharp pain as Rick took him so harshly, banging into him, but again stoking that white-hot fire with every thrust. This wasn't meant to be soft or loving, this was angry sex, and Rick felt anger build with his pleasure, glaring down at the man who had reduced him to this. 

He reached over and picked up the knife again, still fucking Daryl hard and fast. Daryl's eyes widened as he saw it, his mouth slightly open in pleasure and now in fear. Rick traced it across Daryl's body while pounding him, making Daryl jerk against the ropes. Seeing Daryl struggle just inflamed Rick's lust further, making him nick Daryl a little bit at his hip. Daryl cried out as the familiar rush of pleasure and relief from the cut washed over him, but then he could hardly believe his eyes as Rick was holding the knife against his own chest, just below his collarbone, and was very slowly dragging it across his perfect, unmarred skin. Rick threw his head back, closed his eyes, and pounded Daryl faster as Daryl screamed, "Rick! RICK! Noooo….what are you doing?? STOP!"

Rick was far away, gasping, and kept cutting until an angry, jagged red line was weeping dark red droplets, dripping onto Daryl's legs. The man he hated was himself, the one deserving of his anger was just himself.

Daryl struggled, trying to scream at Rick but was so distracted by the pleasure that he could only repeat Rick's name. Rick leaned back and sliced the two ropes holding Daryl's ankles then held his arm out and opened his palm, letting the knife fall to the floor. He leaned down over Daryl and loosened each rope at his wrists. Daryl immediately sat up and held Rick tight, crying and touching the cut on his chest, "What have you done? What have you done Rick?" Rick pressed his lips to Daryl's and Daryl clenched around Rick inside him, causing him to moan into Daryl's mouth, "Daryl…...I understand now."

Rick pulled Daryl on top of his lap and grabbed Daryl's cock and slowly stroked him while their tongues intertwined. Daryl inwardly cried for Rick, and cursed himself for not just backing down when Rick had asked him to. He'd driven Rick to the edge and pushed him that last time. Now they truly reflected both the best and the worst in each other.

Rick was softly moaning into Daryl's mouth, moving him up and down on his cock. Daryl pressed against him and felt Rick's hot blood sticky on his chest, the feeling both beautiful and revolting, and he lost himself to the friction of Rick's stroking. His orgasm was blinding, a scream that began inside him and finally came out in spurts between them, and Rick kept going, kept stroking and Daryl didn't stop him. Rick gave a sharp yell and came hard inside Daryl, calling his name and gripping him tight. His hand stilled on Daryl and his head fell forward on Daryl's shoulder, trying to hold back the sobs that sat just inside his throat as his heart pounded its condemnation.

Daryl just held him and softly stroked his hair. He felt Rick's body twitch with either crying or…no, he was softly, darkly laughing. Rick lifted his eyes to meet Daryl's and whispered, "Do you still love me now Daryl?" 

Daryl gave him a sad smile. "Yes."

Rick closed his eyes. The fight within him was gone. "Then I give up." He'd lost. "You win."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty revenge delivered, hope you enjoy!  
> Only two chapters left in this story, although there will be more stories in the series. Next chapter- the return to the prison, battered and bruised, vaccines in hand. But who gets them?


	20. New Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl gain new perspectives.

Rick and Daryl lie across from each other on the bed in the upstairs bedroom of the brick house where it all began, on the edge of their true beginning.

Rick reached over and lightly stroked Daryl's busted lip. "Sorry about this..." He shut his eyes and a few tears squeezed out. "About all of this Daryl. I've fucked up so bad...Didn't I...what have I done...." He let his hand fall away and sunk his forehead to the bed.

Daryl propped up on his elbow and gave his jaw a wistful rub, "Well, I'll tell ya you can hit like a motherfucker. Didn't even see that first one coming. But I've had way worse."  He tried to smile a bit but Rick didn't smile back, he was still surveying the damage he'd done to them both. 

Softer now, "Rick...why did you do this?" He gently turned Rick over and touched the cut on Rick's chest.

"I don't know really...I just hated myself in that moment, so much. I didn't really want to hurt you, I wanted to hurt myself. And..."

"And what?"

Rick brushed his hand over Daryl's chest. "I wanted to feel....what you feel."

Daryl covered Rick's hand with his own and moved it to his heart. Rick felt it beat slow and steady under Daryl's skin. "I can take your knocks Rick, but seeing that was the only thing that actually hurt me."

Rick shut his eyes and another tear rolled out. "Why do you love me Daryl?"

Daryl felt his ache as keenly as if it were his own. "Do you remember what you said to me in this bed, before we left?" Rick wasn't sure exactly what he meant. "You said, 'This is all we have now, all that's left in the world worth living for.'" 

Rick did remember.

"Love, Rick. That's worth living for. Not cures, not yourself, not trying to solve this fucked up world. This." He pressed Rick's hand to his chest. "I live for you."

Rick looked up from his hand into Daryl's clear eyes. There was understanding there, trust. He saw every day he'd spent by this man's side unfold like a fan in front of him. Each action, each word Daryl had ever done or said, all evidence that Daryl loved him, would die for him. That truth shone brightly, coal finally crystallizing to diamond and precious now. "Daryl....am I enough for you...to live for?"

"You are all I have ever lived for. Even before I knew you, I lived for this moment, hoping for...this...with someone....with you." He brought Rick's hand to his lips, and kissed it. He kissed the hand that had hurt him, beat him, choked him. "It was always you Rick. Just you."

"You deserve so much better Daryl. You deserve the whole world."

"I don't want this shitty world." Daryl pulled Rick close, into his arms. "But I'll take one man in it, if he's finally ready."

"I'm ready." Rick meant it.

"Ain't gonna run away from me anymore?"

Rick shook his head slowly.

"No more armor?" Daryl was only half-joking.

"Honestly...I've forgotten how to live without it. But, Daryl...I don't feel empty when I'm with you. Help me build something new there."

"We'll build something new together." Daryl kissed Rick's tear-stained face then pressed his lips against Rick's softly, melting into the kiss.

Rick pulled back long enough to say, "I love you Daryl Dixon." There was no truth serum or desperation behind Rick's words this time. Nothing holding him back or forcing him forward. Just open, honest words spoken from a small light now within him, pushing back the darkness. 

Daryl gazed at him and the new light in his eyes. He'd finally broken down Rick's last defense, his last wall, and nothing now stood between them. It had been the hardest fuckin' thing he'd ever done. But it was so, so worth it.

"Rick, let's stay here tonight, just one more night before going back home." Daryl wanted this moment forever, just the two of them and no one else.

Rick nodded. "This place feels like ours now, doesn't it?"

"Think we've earned it." He smiled and Rick finally smiled back. 

Rick squinted at Daryl's black eye. "Well, you earned it at least. God, I'm so sorry." 

Daryl rolled his eyes and laughed a little. "Just 'cause we're sayin' 'I love you' an' shit you better not start thinking I want sappy lame-ass sex." Rick stifled a laugh. "Cause I don't."

Rick smirked back, "You really think we're in danger of that happening?"

Daryl smiled. "Nope. But if you think I'm gonna get scared by you, you're wrong Rick."

"Well, I guess I can handle being wrong this once. Just this once."

"Pfffft. Well now you're sounding more like the Rick Grimes I know."

They were quiet a moment, each lost in the newness of it.

"Bet you didn't think this was where we'd end up when you followed that smoke trail here."

"Seems like a lifetime ago I was picking up that Desert Eagle and thinkin' how damn hot it would look in your hand." 

"That's why you gave it to me, huh? To stoke one of your crazy fantasies?", Rick joked. 

"Huh, well.... maybe. Guess I got more than that though." 

Rick snorted. "A LOT more."

"No fantasy could ever have been close to what we've had....have."

"And to think I actually thought you were thinkin' about Carol when you drove me out here with a hard-on." That wicked grin was back, the one Daryl loved so much. "Nearly wrecked the car."

"Awwww fuuuuccck. You noticed that?" Daryl blushed and fell back on the pillow. "And....Carol? Come on Rick. I'd been makin' eyes at you for months. Don't tell me you're that dense."

Rick laughed. "Guess I am."

"Well shit. Good thing I'm the hunter seein' as you don't notice what's right in front a' ya."

"I'm noticing now. That good enough?"

Daryl smiled and nodded then stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. "Rick fuckin' Grimes. Never thought I'd be bendin' over for a cop." Rick swatted him playfully. "Heeeyyy, hey now. Police brutality!"

"You only callin' it now, after that shiner I gave you? Too little too late my friend."

 Daryl sat up on his elbows again and gave an easy laugh. "That right? Way I see it you owe me 'bout a month of laundry duty for this shiner."

"Ok, ok..." Gah, Daryl knew he hated laundry duty but would've agreed to anything to show he was sorry.

"Yah, bet that'll make you think twice 'bout poppin' me."

"Probably won't actually." Mischief twinkled in Rick's eyes.

Daryl pulled Rick into another kiss. "Damn straight."

\------

They got dressed and went to raid the pantry of the kitchen downstairs. Rick found some canned beans and peaches, and they ate in front of the fire in the living room. 

Daryl paused between bites. "I'm not complainin' but it would've been easier if we had enough vaccines for everyone."

"Yeah....not sure how to decide who gets them, or who should even decide."

"Well, they'll look to you, you're the leader."

"I don't want to be the one to decide who lives with this disease and who doesn't."

Daryl was quiet a moment then said, "Well Carl and Judith are a given."

"I hope so...hope everyone agrees to that at least."

"Three left then."

Rick sighed. "Daryl I want you to have one."

"No way. If anyone should its you. Being the leader and all. We need you."

"That it?"

"Well that and 'cause I love ya." Daryl gave him a sheepish grin.

"I guess I'll leave it up to the group. Maybe we can vote or something." Rick ran his hand through his hair, nervous now about going back to that decision. "As long as Carl and Judith are safe, I can deal with whatever they decide."

"How do we know it will work?"

"I guess we don't. Not until someone who's immunized gets bit or dies." That thought unsettled him. Rick pushed his plate aside and laid back on the carpet in front of the fire's warmth. He wondered what the coming winter held in store for the group. He wondered how the vaccines would change their lives. And how his new reality with Daryl would change his.

"Rick....I was wonderin'....are we gonna tell everyone about..."

"Us?"

"Yeah, us."

"Let's give them one surprise at a time." He smiled, thinking how shocked everyone would be at first. "Carol's gonna gut me."

Daryl swatted him on the ass. "Cut it out with Carol already! She ain't my type."

"Guess not. But its on you to tell her. I ain't goin' there without a vaccine and that tank out back."

Daryl cut Rick a look but couldn't hide the smile in his eyes. He crawled over above Rick and leaned down, pretending to be pissed off. "Y'know I ain't forgotten what you said under that truth serum."

"What....?"

"About that psycho-sissy Dr. Mayhew." Rick smirked up at him. "Oh I mean Eric." 

"Oh c'mon Daryl.....that didn't mean shit."

"Didn't huh? You said you wanted him to jack you off..."

Rick blushed and groaned, trying to turn away from Daryl but he just pulled Rick back. "Oh come on....I said I loved you right after that didn't I?"

"Well yeah, that took the sting out a bit." He poked at Rick's chest. "But no one touches you but me. Clear?"

"Crystal." Rick grinned. He liked Daryl jealous. "He was pretty though wasn't he? What a waste..."

Daryl growled and swung a leg over Rick's hips so he was straddling him, looking down at a bemused Rick. "Don't fuckin' tease me Grimes. Gonna give me a complex if I thought you wanted someone like him. Soft, pretty, smart---"

"Crazy?"

Daryl stifled a laugh. "You're crazy enough for the both of us."

"You like it."

"Maybe."

Rick sat up enough to get right in Daryl's face. "Maybe nothing. You provoke me on purpose. Gets you as hard as it does me." He pushed up into Daryl, letting him feel for himself.

Daryl's eyes shifted from teasing to lustful and he pushed Rick down at his shoulders and pressed himself against him. Rick was always the one in charge, always the one in control. But not tonight. Tonight he wanted to make Rick moan for more and beg Daryl to cum. He wanted to see what Rick saw, what Ash had seen, just once feel that power. The illusion of control.

He sat up and tugged his shirt off over his head and then pulled off Rick's too. The angry jagged cut screamed against Rick's smooth skin. Daryl leaned down and licked it, gently at first then rougher, sucking at Rick's blood that flowed a little bit. Rick was breathing heavy beneath him, grabbing Daryl's ass and kneading it in his hands. Daryl's tongue trailed up the side of Rick's neck and he bit him hard there, leaving a small bruise. His mouth found Rick's and they kissed passionately.

He pulled back a little and whispered, "Rick, I want you so fuckin' bad." Rick grabbed his hair and pulled him back in, his tongue against Rick's but it wasn't close enough, not nearly enough. He pulled up again and pushed his pants off as Rick did the same, the firelight warming their bare skin.

His mouth was back on Rick's chest, licking and sucking his sensitive nipples. Rick moaned softly and pushed his fingers into Daryl's hair, holding his head to him. Daryl spat on his hand and started stoking Rick's shaft lightly, avoiding the head even when Rick bucked up into him. He pressed his body against Rick's to hold him still on the floor.

He whispered, "You think you're the only one with domination fantasies?" Rick's eyes went wide but he didn't struggle. No, he owed Daryl whatever he wanted tonight. Daryl felt his silent permission and started stroking a bit firmer, just glancing against the head of Rick's cock occasionally. Rick bit his lip and shut his eyes, enjoying Daryl's pleasurable torture despite himself. It was different to just let go to another person this way but Rick immediately felt the appeal.

Rick reached for Daryl's cock and found it already slick with precum. He twisted his hand around the head lightly, sending a shudder through Daryl's whole body. Daryl crashed into his lips again, stroking Rick wildly now. "You belong to me dammit! Say you're mine Rick!"

"Mmmmmm.....I'm yours, Daryl." Rick was panting near the edge of his orgasm but Daryl abruptly stopped jacking him. 

Daryl lifted Rick's legs over his shoulders and felt a twinge of glee as Rick tried to sit up. He pushed Rick back down firmly. "You said you wanted to feel what I feel Rick." Rick hesitated but lied still as Daryl lined up his cock to Rick's entrance. 

"Daryl....fuck, ok....but...please be gentle." He inwardly cringed a bit. This was completely uncharted territory.

Daryl paused, "Like you are with me?" Rick tried to sit up again but Daryl smiled and pressed him back down. "Don't worry Rick. I will be."

He sucked a finger and slowly inserted it into Rick, who tensed up immediately. "Just relax into it. It'll feel good, I promise." Rick relaxed and Daryl put in another finger, then curled them against Rick's prostate, rubbing in slow circles.

Rick gasped and bucked up from the floor. Daryl smiled down at him, "See? I told you..."

"That's....fuckin' incredible..." He started to stroke himself, not trying to cum right away, but letting it build with this new sensation. "Put it in me...."

"You want it?"

"Hell yes."

"Beg for it Rick." 

Rick felt no shame, he just wanted Daryl in him right now. "Please Daryl.....please fuck me...."

Daryl slowly pulled out his fingers and pressed just the tip of his cock into Rick, gauging Rick's expression. He didn't want to hurt Rick, not really.

Rick moaned loudly and jacked himself a little faster. "More..."

Daryl pushed into Rick all the way and Rick yelped in surprise and the pleasure mixed with pain. Yes....he could see why Daryl loved this so much. Daryl stopped and let Rick relax around him then slowly, so slowly began to push in and out. He grabbed Rick's legs again and pressed his face to Rick's calf, "Oh shit Rick....you feel so good...so tight around me....so close..." He kissed Rick's leg and started pumping a bit faster, losing himself in the intensity of sensations.

Rick was stroking himself in earnest now, reveling in the feeling of being completely filled, Daryl pounding against his prostate. "Fuck....Daryl...I'm gonna cum..."

"Cum for me Rick," Daryl panted out, and immediately saw Rick spurt up into the air with a load moan. He felt Rick shudder around his cock as he came and that pushed Daryl the last bit. He grabbed Rick's legs and grunted as he let loose deep inside him, thrusting past his orgasm until he was finally too soft to go on. He collapsed on top of Rick and let his lips find Rick's, kissing him deeply, softly. 

Daryl whispered, "Thank you," his pulse still hammering but slowing.

Rick brushed some dark hair from Daryl's face. "This mean you forgive me?" He brushed his finger across Daryl's bruised cheek.

Daryl smiled and nodded and nuzzled against Rick's chest.

"Good. 'Cause I really hate doing laundry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for makeup sex! Honestly, you didn't think I would let these two be miserable forever did you? :)  
> The final chapter looms large as the boys return home.


	21. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group votes on who gets the vaccines and Rick and Daryl get a couple surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies on how long it took to wrap this up, guys. I've been taking a beat down at work and have been incredibly strapped for time. But, a holiday weekend is the perfect excuse to finish! I hope you enjoy.

The dawn came to soon for both of them, and as they packed up their things, Daryl felt a pang of sadness that soon he'd have to share Rick again with all the other people in his life. Their journey had been harrowing, but it had been just the two of them against the world. Just the two of them _in the world_. But he knew that Rick had meant all that he'd said and things would be very different from now on, for all of them.

Rick walked across the camp in the very early light and over to their helicopter. He turned to Daryl, an impish grin on his face. "How 'bout we land this thing in the prison yard?"

Daryl grinned back. "That'll be one hell of an entrance."

They both climbed into the helicopter and Rick fiddled with the GPS, giving the prison's coordinates. Rick shut the door and strapped in. "Ready?"

"Wait." Daryl leaned over and kissed Rick, and Rick leaned in to him, his fingers enlaced in Daryl's dark hair. Daryl finally pulled back and gazed into Rick's eyes. He searched them for the small light he'd seen last night…yes, it was there and brighter than ever, reflecting back his own emotions. A bit sheepishly, "Ok, now I'm ready."

Rick pressed the engage button and once again the blades sprung to life, lifting them into the air and heading off above the treeline towards the prison just a short distance away. In barely a few minutes, it was scanning the clear ground inside the prison yard, and bringing them down to softly rest in the grass. 

The loud noise of the chopper had brought Maggie and Glen running outside to see the commotion, fully armed and nearly panicked, until Rick slid open the door with a shit-eating grin. They were standing just in front of Rick, their mouths hanging wide open in amazement and surprise, rifles pointing towards the ground listlessly.

Maggie dropped her gun and ran to Rick, hugging him tightly. "Rick!"

Rick was knocked back a little as he caught her, and laughed in surprise and happiness. "Miss me?"

Hershel hobbled over from where he'd been standing a bit further back and clapped Daryl on the back as he joined Rick. "Thank god you two are back home safe. Honestly we've been worried sick and---"

He didn't get to finish before Carl was barreling towards Rick yelling "Dad!" Rick released Maggie and ran to meet Carl, bending down to hug him tight and swing him around, sending his deputy hat flying. "Dad! I'm so glad you're home!" Small tears of relief were pricking Rick's eyes as he squeezed his son, he'd missed him more than he'd even realized. All the long days of fear and running, it was all so worth it now. "Dad, this helicopter is awesome!" He looked over Rick's shoulder in awe at the sleek black helicopter.

Daryl walked over to the two of them and smiled down at Carl. "I promised ya didn't I? Told you I'd get 'em back hell or high water." He picked up Rick's deputy hat that had fallen off Carl's head and set it back where it belonged.

Carl beamed up at Daryl, "I knew you would. Thanks Daryl." Daryl caught Rick's eye and smiled at him. Seeing Rick so happy...it was like his own joy too.

Daryl saw Beth, Axel and Carol emerge from the prison, curious about what was going on. He waved to them and they sped over to him. Carol launched into his arms and squeezed him, "Don't ever scare us like that again!" She pulled back and looked at Daryl's bruised face, grasping his jaw and turning his head for her inspection. "Ok....what the hell happened to you? Who do I have to beat up?" She got a stern look on her face and glared at Rick.

Rick stood up and took Judith from Beth, lifting her high to hear her squeal with delight. He kissed her and cradled her gently and turned to Carol guiltily, about to speak. But Daryl quickly said, "A lotta shit happened to us out there Carol. So much....well, ya won't even believe half of it. But we're here and we're alive. And...." He looked over at at Rick expectantly.

"We got the vaccines."

A collective gasp was emitted by the group. Rick went on. "But....we just got five." He put his hand on Carl's shoulder and hung his head a little. "I'm.....I'm sorry we couldn't get more..."

"There weren't any more, not anywhere." Daryl grabbed their packs out of the helicopter and slid the door shut with a clang. "The five we got, they're probably the last there are."

Hershel smiled as Rick lifted his eyes to the group. "You did good boys. You did your best and now...well, we've got more reason ta hope than we ever did. Honestly, I'm just happy to have you both back in one piece. C'mon inside and tell us what happened out there."

Rick nodded and took his pack from Daryl, and as the whole group made their way inside, Daryl smirked at him and whispered, "Might be a few bits we gotta leave out." Hell ya they would.

\---------

Rick and Daryl took turns telling the group the tale of their journey. How they'd found a few lucky shelters, about the cannibal compound and Jack and Gabe. Hiding amidst the walkers in Bethesda and how Rick slashed his wrist. Then the miraculous rescue at the doors of the NIH that soured quickly when the scientists made their true intentions known. About Chuck helping them escape and the black helicopter that took them back to the Prius and then here. And the vaccines...hidden in the old cell phone all that time.

The group peppered them with questions for hours about all of it until only one real question remained.

Carl asked it. "Dad, who's gonna get the vaccines?"

Rick ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know son. I thought maybe we'd have a vote or something."

Beth rocked Judith, sleeping in her arms. "Judith has to have one. She's the most defenseless." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Carol added, "Same goes for you and Carl, Beth. My vote is for the kids. You guys have your whole lives ahead of you in this world."

Maggie looked at Glen. "What about Glen? He's always taking the most risk when he goes on runs for us for supplies."

Hershel said, "Yes, but so does Daryl when's hunting for us nearly every day."

Glen shook his head. "No, I say Rick. He's the leader and we need him the most. Plus, he and Daryl are the ones who risked their lives for this."

After a few more rounds of suggestions, Rick stopped them and said, "We'll have a vote. Just write 5 names on a piece of paper and put them in Carl's hat." He swiped the deputy hat from Carl's head and turned it up on the cafeteria table. "After dinner we'll count them."

Hershel nodded, "That's fair."

Glen and Maggie exchanged a glance. "Just one more thing to consider guys." Glen was looking down at his hands. "I mean….one day maybe….we hope…."

Maggie blurted out, "We want a baby too."

Smiles broke out around the table, none bigger than Hershel's, who beamed at them with pride. Maggie went on, "I'm NOT pregnant now. I didn't think I'd ever be, not in this world as it is. But just…well, with a vaccine, now we could give our kid a life without fear too. Or at least, the closest thing to it." She turned to Daryl and Rick. "Thank you two….for making that even possible."

Rick grinned and nodded. "Ok. Well everyone think about it, and when you're ready…" He motioned to the hat. He placed his hands on the cafeteria table and pushed up, standing. He turned to Carl with a fake serious expression on his face. "Now I do believe you and I have a chess rematch to play." Carl grinned wide and ran to grab the chessboard.

\-------

After several games of chess with Carl, one of which Carl had actually beaten him fair and square, Rick headed up to his cell and flopped down on his bunk.

Damn it felt good to be back here. He'd even missed every lump in his old mattress and the peeling paint in the drab cell. Just to rest and not have to run. To see faces he trusted instead of strangers who wanted to kill him or worse. And by his side, through it all, Daryl had been there. They'd both changed so much in the short time they'd been away. Well, at least Rick knew he'd changed.

He stood up and opened a box he kept under his bunk. He put personal stuff in here, stuff that meant something to him or reminded him of someone. Lori's wedding ring was in there. Shane's dog tags. Some dried flowers that Sophia had picked for him months ago. A shiny crystal that Carl had found on the road. His deputy badge and old drivers license. He opened his bag and took out the pack of matches that he'd taken from Lew at the cannibal camp. Those matches had burned down that compound but had also lit the fires that he and Daryl had slept in front of in so many places along the way. He tossed them into the box. Daryl had lit a fire inside of him, it was life, it was love.

He could finally put the ghosts of Shane and Lori to rest. They'd tormented him in life and haunted him in death, but he knew now that he wouldn't let their memory stand in the way of what he felt for Daryl. He would care, he would trust. His heart wasn't the lonely island he'd tried to make it, not anymore. Daryl had shown him that was no way to live. Hell, it wasn't even living at all.

He looked up as he heard a tap at his cell bars and called, "C'mon in."

Daryl pushed aside the sheet in the door and walked in. He looked down at the box in Rick's hands. "If I'm disturbin' ya…"

"No, not at all." Rick patted the bed beside him. "Sit down." Daryl plopped down on the bunk. "Was just lookin' over some old stuff."

Daryl peered inside the box. "Yeah? What?"

"Mostly stuff that doesn't really mean that much to me anymore. But a couple things from Carl, Sophia, from life before."

Daryl reached in and took the dog tags and read them. "These were Shane's huh?" He just said it matter-of-factly, without letting jealousy creep in for once while talking about Shane.

"Yeah…I guess I kept them to remind me….what I was capable of." He took the tags back and fingered the cool metal with a sigh. "We were friends once, Daryl. I'd never been closer to anyone." He dropped the tags back into the box and shut it. "Not until now." He shoved the box back under the bed.

Daryl smiled shyly at Rick. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He leaned over and brushed a stray strand of hair from Daryl's eyes. "You mean more to me than he ever did. Than Lori ever did."

"There's no one I could even compare this to….I've never had anything like this before." Daryl looked down.

"Not Ash?"

"No, not Ash."

"But you loved him, didn't you?"

Daryl fidgeted a bit uncomfortably. "I thought I did. But really, I just wanted someone to love me…..so bad. But he didn't, Rick. He just loved using me. And when he got tired of even that, he left."

"Well **I** love you."  

"I know that you really do."

"Guess I like to use you too." Rick nudged him softly with his elbow.

Daryl gave him a wry smile, "Yeah, I know that too."

"Don't see myself ever getting' tired of it though." He chuckled a bit, then pulled Daryl close to him and laid down on his bunk. 

"You better not or I'll kick yer ass." 

Rick playfully bit Daryl's neck. "Oooooohh I'm scared."

\--------

The hat gradually filled throughout the day, and by dinnertime everyone had cast their votes. Rick kept glancing at it nervously while he ate. Afterwards he picked it up carefully. "Ok, everyone put in their vote?" Everyone nodded. He handed the hat to Hershel. "Hershel, can you do the honors. I…"

Hershel took it and nodded. "Sure Rick. Be back in a bit everyone." He took the hat upstairs to his cell.

Daryl stood up and paced a bit. He wanted Rick to have one. More than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

Beth looked over at Glen and Maggie, holding hands nervously. "Judith's running low on diapers and formula." 

Glen nodded. "Ok, tomorrow we'll go scavenge a bit. There's a pharmacy I spied on my last run that might have some." Maggie said, "I'll go with you. Might be some things I need too."

Daryl stopped his pacing and smiled at her. "Y'mean like a pregnancy test?"

Maggie blushed. "Well……maybe." She cast a sidelong glance at Glen and he smiled at her.

Carol leaned back in her chair and wondered aloud. "I wonder if there's any other groups like us out there. People that are trying to build something to survive and be safe. I mean, now we know there….can't be a cure for everyone in the world…I guess this is it. How it will always be."

Rick glanced over at her. "Yeah, there's people out there…somewhere. Like I told you, we came across a few groups on our way up to Maryland."

"Well, I meant around here. There's got to be survivors like us…hiding out and hoping."

Rick shrugged. "Probably. But not sure I wanna meet 'em."

Carol nodded. "Might just be a matter of time before we do though. Pretty soon we'll all be hitting up the same places for supplies, and they won't last forever."

The thought unsettled Rick but she was probably right. Zombies weren't the only thing to fear. In fact, they'd learned on their journey that the living were the far greater threat. 

Carl shifted a bit. "Dad, you think we can find some fuel for that helicopter? We could use it to look around, maybe find some better places to raid."

"I dunno Carl. I'm not even sure what the heck kind of fuel it takes."

Daryl thought of something. "I'll go check it out later. Might be some fuel left in that crashed copter at the military camp we could grab."

Hershel poked his head out of his cell and announced, "Finished!" He hobbled carefully down the steps and sat back down with the group at the table. Daryl sat down too. "So actually, there was a fair amount of consensus." All eyes were on Hershel and the slip of paper he held in his hand. "The votes were for Judith, Carl, Maggie and Glen's future baby, Beth, and…..Rick."

Rick's head shot up. "What???!" Daryl heaved a huge sigh of relief internally.

Hershel handed the paper to Rick, it held all the tallies of the votes. Rick stared at it and clearly saw that Hershel was right. Nearly everyone but him had voted to give one to Rick. "No…I don't want it." He tossed the paper onto the table. "Hershel, you take it. You're the only one with medical knowledge and…" He looked down at Hershel's leg.

Hershel chuckled and shook his head slowly. "Rick, I'm old….it would be wasted on me. Plus nearly everything I know I've been teaching to Carol and Beth. This is the right choice. We need you the most."

Rick let his head sink into his hands. "I….I can't. I don't deserve it."

Carl got a puzzled look on his face. "Dad, you do! You've got to. Judith and I need you."

Daryl nodded. "We all need you Rick."

Rick felt nearly panicked. Every one of them was so much more deserving of it that he was. There was no way he could tell them why. Only Daryl knew. He couldn't…he just _couldn't_ take it. He just didn't think he'd be able to live with himself if one of the others got bit….if Daryl got bit…..

Rick took the cell phone out of his pocket and laid it on the table. "Here." He popped open the lock mechanism, revealing the syringes. "Take them." He stood up. "But I can't." He walked  towards the door to the empty Cell Block B. He wanted to just clear his head away from everyone's questioning eyes. 

Hershel stood up shakily on his crutch and tried to follow him. "Rick! Stop….wait a minute…don't go in there."

Rick wheeled around to face him, desperate to get away but curious why he shouldn't go in. "Huh…why?"

Glen said, "While you were gone we picked up a straggler passed out on the road. We didn't know what to do with him so we put him in a cell in there."

Hershel hobbled forward a few more steps, "We were gonna tell you but….with the vaccines and everything, just wanted to wait until after. He says he wants to join us."

"Join us?" Rick looked at the door. "Who is he?" He felt a sense of creeping dread but didn't know why.

"Didn't say much 'bout where he'd come from." Glen stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. "But he said his name….was Ash."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends this story, and hopefully plants a seed for the next one.
> 
> For those of you that have been with me these past weeks while I've written this, I first want to say THANK YOU for all your comments, support, kudos, and nags to finish. :D 
> 
> Also, even if you are just here reading and never said a word, thank you too. Perhaps you might comment now if you liked the story and would like me to continue it in the future. I'd love to hear from you!!!!
> 
> A couple notes about things said in this chapter. When Beth mentions that Judith is low on formula, I'm setting up Glen and Maggie to run into Merle during that raid and start their contact with Woodbury. If I continue this, their fights with Woodbury and the Governor will be the backdrop of the next installment. Carol foreshadows this a bit in her wonderings about "other survivors out there."
> 
> And I apologize in advance for leaving you hanging about Ash. But….I want to give you an incentive to come back and read the next installment. Who is he now and how will Daryl and Rick react to him in the prison? Having him around could open up a whole lot of fun revenge/smut/angst/jealousy although it isn't clear how Daryl really will feel about seeing him again.
> 
> No matter what happens with "Void," I'll be taking a brief break to work on a couple other fics. The revenge fic I mentioned earlier in this work I'm instead going to roll into the next installment, if/when it happens. 
> 
> It has been a fun effort writing this and I hope you'll come back to read more in the future. Cheers! :)

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who want to be updated when I write the next installment in the series, subscribe to the parent work 'Subspace.'


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